


rooftops and sunflowers

by RJ_BBH



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Chaptered, Coming of Age, Completed, Drama, Eventual kissing, Excessive Cursing, Fluff, HS!AU, High School! AU, Jaemin is in love, Lots of Crying, Lots of kissing, M/M, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, anxiety attack, based in korea, flower boy delinquent jaemin, it is a happy ending, jaemren, lots and lots of fluff, oblivious renjun, please dont let the tags scare you, renjun is in denial, renmin, smol pure innocent renjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-04 23:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14603643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJ_BBH/pseuds/RJ_BBH
Summary: Renjun only had one rule he lived by: Don’t get attached. No matter what. No matter who. No matter where. Don’t. Get. Attached.The rule he's lived by so diligently for the past four years gets put to the ultimate test after Renjun accidentally confronts his new high school's infamous flower boy, Na Jaemin.





	1. beginning

**Author's Note:**

> *please do not repost, translate, or copy.
> 
>  
> 
> ***warning: ANGST, cursing, smoking/cigarettes, bullying, anxiety attack, slight slight violence, underage drinking, also there is a suicide attempt on rj's part in the beginning but please please don't let any of these scare you. it has a happy ending and there is still a whole lot of fluff

_The sky will just stay as the sky_

_And the clouds will roll away to somewhere_

_I am a setting sunflower_

_That still doesn’t know where to turn_

 

❊

_________

 

Jaemin has been coming up to this rooftop ever since he first moved into this shabby old apartment building since his middle school years. Living alone had been something he’d never think would be possible at such a young age, yet here he was. He remembers the day everything changed when his aunt had called him that one evening at the beginning of summer break.

 

 _“Jaemin-ah_ ,” she said. “ _Your parents aren’t coming home_ ,” she said. “ _Pack only the things that mean most to you."_  she said. 

 

He remembers not understanding her words completely. He remembers looking around his home he’d grew up in. He remembers the only thing he wanted to pack were his parents because they were the only thing that mattered to him in his world. So he stood still at that very spot. And waited until his aunt came to pick him up. 

He remembers leaving the house in a rush. Looking back one last time he catches a glimpse of the small sunflower patch in his yard his mother always use to love and tend to. But before he could even whisper a last farewell to the yellow flowers his aunt had rushed him into the car. 

He remembers the first time coming to the apartment building. He didn’t think it looked that run down at first and thought living here with his aunt wouldn’t be that bad after all. He remembers how he would wait each night for his aunt to come back home so they could eat the dinner he had made for them together. He remembers how he waited longer and longer each and every night. And he remembers the exact day when she never came back.

 

He hated this rooftop. But he loved this rooftop.

He hated how the green walls were cracking, making it seem like the apartment would crumble down any second. He hated how he thought of his late parents every time he came up here, feeling a sharp pain in his chest every single time. And he hated how he had a nasty habit of smoking cigarettes only when he got up here. But he loved how you could see a new sunset that colored the skies every day before the night came. He loved how he could see thousands of stars on a clear night. And he loved how this was the one and only place he could actually breathe despite everything bad in his life.

Jaemin leans against the shaded area of one of the walls of the small rooftop and lets out a deep sigh before pulling out a cigarette and his lighter. The sun was almost done setting and the night was quickly approaching so it was hard to see, but he finally managed to light the cigarette. In a matter of seconds Jaemin lets out a big puff of smoke and relaxes his shoulders.

As he brings up his cigarette for another draft, the door to the rooftop suddenly slams against the wall. Startled out of his mind, Jaemin curses under his breath and drops his cigarette only to pick it immediately right back up.

 

A boy, a little shorter and a little smaller than himself, rushes into the rooftop crying, or sobbing in his case, while muttering things under his breath. Jaemin notices that the words that the boy is muttering under his breath doesn’t particularly sound Korean. In fact, was that Chinese? Jaemin brushes off the thought and slowly starts to stand up from his spot, not wanting to startle the smaller boy, and quietly observes him from the shaded area of the rooftop where he was. He wonders where this boy came from. The only other tenants in his apartment building, other than himself, was an older couple who lived on the first floor. He realizes the boy isn’t aware of Jaemin’s presence most likely due to the frantic state he’s in. 

The small boy continues to mutter things under his breath while quickly pacing to his left and right. Suddenly the boy grabs his own hair in frustration and lets out a scream that is laced with pain and hurt. 

The air on the rooftop is suddenly filled with silence. The boy nears the edge of the rooftop wall and faces the skyline before them. As Jaemin soundlessly continues to walk closer to the boy in front of him, he notices how the boy is death gripping the edge of the wall with his small hands, familiarity unknowingly hitting him. 

Jaemin doesn’t process everything unfolding in front of him until he finally sees the boy slipping off his shoes one by one. Jaemin’s eyes widened as he quickly puzzles everything together. Everything happens in slow motion. 

Right as the small boy begins to climb onto the ledge of the rooftop, Jaemin lunges at him from behind and pulls him away into his arms until they both crash directly into the floor far away from the edge of the rooftop. 

 

All Jaemin can do is cradle the boy in his arms. He holds him and continues to whisper, “It’s okay, it's okay,” as the smaller boy clutches onto Jaemin while sobbing into his neck. He continues to hold him like this for what feels like an eternity until the boy abruptly pushes himself off against Jaemin’s chest and escapes from his hold. Before Jaemin can catch his breath from the abrupt pang of pain to his chest and say anything, the boy is running off down the staircase, disappearing into the night right before his eyes.

 

Jaemin, left in an utterly state of confusion, just sits there, alone with his thoughts, until he looks around and realizes the small boy had left his shoes behind. He picks the tiny pair of shoes up and just places them back down next to him in defeat. He continues to sit there for awhile and takes out his cigarette box out from his pocket. Jaemin sighs as he lights his last cigarette.

 

He hated this rooftop.

 


	2. ❊

 

__________

 

Renjun stands completely still outside the door of the classroom, only occasionally staring down the silent hall when he sees late students scuttering into their respective classrooms. It was the first day at his new school. Yet he felt nothing. Just like all the other first days of all the other schools he’s transferred to. He felt nothing. This was routine. The only sense of peace he had gotten from this day so far was the thought that maybe, just maybe, this would be the last school he’d have to transfer to until he graduated since this was his last year. But those were high hopes. He wondered if it was even possible to graduate on time at this point. He wondered if this was all even worth it.

He hated having to do this. Waiting outside. Until who knows when. He hated this. He hated all of this. Renjun bites his lips, his patience suddenly running low.

The door finally flings open and Renjun inhales a small breath before walking into the classroom full of new faces.

“Also students, we have a new transfer student to introduce today,” the teacher loudly exclaims to the rowdy class. “Settle down, settle down,” he barks while banging his fist on his desk to finally quiet the students down, “Go ahead, introduce yourself.” 

Renjun quickly scans the classroom, strangely unintimidated by the countless numbers of eyes locked straight on him.

“Hello. My name is Huang Renjun.” he says in a soft voice.   

Silence fills the air and a scoff or two are heard from the back of the room until the teacher clears his throat.

“G-great! Thank you Renjun, go take a seat next to Haechan.” the teacher exclaims, “Since we’ve gotten that taken care of, I’ll be off now - Haechan, take care of Renjun for the day and don't let the students get too wild.” he adds before leaving the classroom.

Right as the teacher leaves the room all the students scramble out of their seats. Some students gather with their respective friends in what looks like their respective corners, while some others quickly leave the room, while some others stack books on their desk to fall asleep on. Renjun finally lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding in into the hectic air and amidst all the wildness in the room, he catches sight of a boy waving his hand enthusiastically to him in the front row who he assumes must be Haechan.

“Sorry..." Renjun mutters as he takes the seat next to the boy.

“What are you sorry for?” the boy genuinely asks as he takes something out from his bag.

The boy hands Renjun a packaged sausage stick with a smile that almost looks like a smirk, “My name’s Haechan. I’m the class president. I also don’t give these out easily, so consider yourself a lucky bastard.” he says nonchalantly with a look that proves otherwise.

Renjun takes the sausage hesitantly and thanks him while bowing softly.

“Yah yah yah, and no informal talk or bowing or whatever you kids do these days. It’s weird as hell. We’re friends now. Whether you like it or not. Okay???” the boy, Haechan, babbles without even letting Renjun reply. It almost seemed as if the boy was rapping.

Renjun smiles for the first time in awhile and nods, “Okay. Thanks.” Renjun decides that he likes Haechan. But reminds himself of the rule he made with himself four years ago. He immediately shakes off his smile.

Renjun listens to Haechan chatter nonstop to him for the next thirty minutes. He tells Renjun the do’s and don’ts of the school and the who’s and what’s of the school too. Apparently being the president of the classroom got you all the juicy details first and brought you all the reliable info on the drama that floated around hall to hall. He noted that the school was definitely the noisiest he’s been to these past years. Renjun noted to pack his EarPods tomorrow morning.

“-so don’t worry too much, okay? And if anyone even TRIES to bully you let me know. I’ll beat em’ up for you.” he reassures, while pretending to box in the air. Renjun chuckles at all of Haechan’s motions. He was a really expressive kid. “Or I’ll get Mark to beat them up for you anyways..since you know...got to keep these hands clean and pretty since I’m the president and all.” He winks at Renjun, who can't help but cringe and smile at the goofy kid.

Renjun mentally notes in his head who Mark was again. According to him earlier, Haechan had two super close friends in his ‘squad’: Chenle and Jisung. And Mark was supposedly...Haechan’s “ _really_ good friend”? _Whatever that meant._

Renjun turns his head near the windows of the open classroom, a bunch of squealing girls surrounding a mysterious boy catching his attention. He can’t seem to get a glance at the said boy due to the crowd against him, but he guessed that he must have been popular to have this many girls simultaneously swoon over him at once. He noticed the group of girls coming in and out of the classroom since earlier too. New girls kept coming into the classroom slowly one at a time then leaving after a couple of minutes. He remembered some girls were peeking from outside their homeroom while he was waiting outside, now that he thought about it.

“Who’s that boy over there?” Renjun asks Haechan curiously, who is currently peeling _another_ one of his special packaged sausages. How many sausages did he even have in his bag? Renjun would never know.  

He still can’t see the face of the boy until one of the girls who was blocking the view moves aside to the left. Right as the girl moves aside his eyes lock with the mysterious boy against the windows. The first thing Renjun notices is the boy’s caramel colored locks standing out against the sea of black hair around him. The second thing he notices is how the boy is looking at him straight dead in his eyes. The third thing he notices is how Renjun can’t seem to pull his eyes away until Haechan whacks him in the shoulder. _Ouch_.

“Hello??? Earth to Renjun?” Haechan yaps dramatically while waving his hands in front of Renjun’s face.

“Oh..sorry." Renjun replies softly, blush tinting his cheeks while looking down, a bit embarrassed.

“Yeah yeah, don’t mention it. He does that. That happens more often than you would think.” He snorts while rolling his eyes in the direction of the mysterious boy. “Anyways, that’s Na Jaemin. Also known as the entire school’s crush. Aka the flower boy. Aka Mr. Popular. Aka DANGEROUS!” he exclaims with emphasis on the last word.

Renjun cautiously looks back, startled to see Jaemin still looking straight at him with piercing eyes. Renjun quickly diverts his eyes and fully turns his attention to Haechan.

“Don’t fall for him or his looks, Renjun. I know it looks like he's glowing and shit, but it’s all just a big fat show. He get’s like ten confessions a day, but I’ve never heard anything good come out of that guy. He just rejects everyone and treats people like shit. He’s a heartless robot with no feelings. I don't know why people even give him attention at this point, when we all know-” Haechan sighs a deep sigh. “He’ll just end up hurting you and everyone around you.” Haechan concludes in a serious tone. “Anyways~ my friends and I are going to go watch a new movie after school ends and I want you to meet them. Do you want to tag along?” he chirps smiling in a tone completely different from his earlier speal two seconds ago.

“Thanks for the offer, but I have to do some more paperwork for the school after school’s over.” Renjun replies back as persuasively as possible, hoping the excuse isn’t too obvious.

Haechan squints his eyes and Renjun almost thinks he’s been caught, until Haechan smiles away his guilt. “Okay, good enough. But next time you’re coming.” he says while scrunching his face. Renjun nods with a forced short small smile.

Renjun doesn’t realize how fast the day ends and jumps in his seat when the last bell loudly rings in his ears. Not much going through his head, he begins to pack his belongings and shoves them quickly into his bag while noticing all the students around him shuffling out of their seats in a hurry. He waves Haechan bye and heads the direction opposite of him.

The walk home isn’t too far, but it definitely isn’t the closest from the school. Renjun’s halfway there when he realizes a person walking behind him. He doesn’t think anything of it until he notices that this person is _definitely_ following him. Out of suspicion, Renjun decides to take the next right that is undoubtedly a path that only he would know to get home. He turns right and looks back discreetly to discover that the person is _still_ following him. At this point Renjun is getting super anxious and a bit annoyed. He starts walking faster, but the person is still close behind. Gathering every last ounce of courage and mentally preparing to fight, Renjun puts both of his fists up in front of him and turns around abruptly in his tracks.

“Are you following me?” Renjun questions the culprit, voice sharp enough to cut through whoever it was.

Right as Renjun turns around, words already leaving his mouth, his eyes widen immediately at the sight of the said culprit. It was no other than the school’s infamous flower boy, Na Jaemin.

Clearly startled, Jaemin takes an involuntary step back before releasing a small chuckle. “Um...no..” the slightly taller caramel haired boy points behind the smaller boy, “I live here,” he assures Renjun, giving him a cheeky smile while walking past him into the building in front of them.

Renjun is still frozen in his spot, face red, and still shocked at how dumb he must have looked. _Stupid. Y_ _ou're so fucking stupid, Huang Renjun._

_What were you gonna do if it wasn't Jaemin anyways, huh? Fight them?_

Renjun continues to bicker with himself while muttering in Chinese under his breath, a habit he does when he’s embarrassed or frustrated, and enters the apartment building.

 

_________

 

The second day thankfully ends just as fast as the first and Renjun mindlessly packs all his things into his bag once again before heading back home. For some reason he feels like he knows Haechan is going to try and invite him to hang out with him and his friends again, so before Haechan can even pop the question, Renjun takes the initiative to make up another excuse.

“I have a lot of unpacking to still do at home, so I’ll see you tomorrow Haechan! Bye!” Renjun blurts out quickly to the dazed boy while dashing out of his seat.

“I’ll get you one day, Huang Renjun.” Haechan snickers with determination under his breath while eyeing the fleeing boy.

 _Phew that was close_ , Renjun thinks to himself before he’s finally escaped the walls of the school.

It wasn’t necessarily that Renjun hated Haechan. In fact, he really adored the boy, but he knew the more he hung out with Haechan and the others at this school, the more he’d become attached to them.

And _that_ , was a big no.

Renjun only had one rule he lived by: Don’t get attached.

No matter what. No matter who. No matter where.

Don’t. Get. Attached.

It was promise he had made up four years ago for himself and it was something he lived by til this day.

By doing this, Renjun wouldn’t be able to get hurt. He was always constantly moving here and moving there. He knew if he became attached to a certain someone or something, everything would be harder than it already was. 

This unquestionably made life lonelier for Renjun though.

He knew he had his older brother, Winwin, but he was always working until the wee hours of the night so he could barely even see him most days. His brother’s work made him travel and transfer to cities all over the country, thus Renjun following wherever he went. He was thankful for his brother for raising him in a country so unfamiliar, but at the same time he despised him and the life he was forced to live. He knew it was to keep them from the streets, but Renjun envisions a day where maybe he’d just leave his brother and make a life of his own. A real life. Not a life where he was dragged around like a rag doll with no choice.

Renjun’s lost in his thoughts when all of the sudden he slams into something, or rather, someone, in front of him.

“Ow!” Renjun yelps as he rubs his bruising nose.

Renjun looks up, and to his complete surprise, it’s none other than the infamous Na Jaemin, _again_.

Across from Jaemin, Renjun realizes that there’s a small blonde petite girl with tears forming in her eyes. Picking up the tense atmosphere, Renjun apologetically shys backwards.

“Oh, sorry..I didn’t mean to intrude..” Renjun mutters shyly, a little muffled due to his hands still rubbing the tip of his nose.

“No, it’s fine. We were just done here,” Jaemin deadpans. He gives a quick unreadable glance at Renjun before he begins walking in the direction that leads to the apartment.

Not knowing what to do in this situation, Renjun hesitantly bows politely in place of Jaemin to the blonde petite girl before slowly making his way down the same direction as the caramel colored hair boy.

Ironically, today Renjun was the one following Jaemin home. Renjun walks slowly behind Jaemin, giving a good distance of space between the two. Renjun wonders what the boy and the girl had talked about earlier. All Renjun can think of are Haechan’s words from yesterday about how the boy walking in front of him was apparently a “dangerous” species in the realm of high school. _Maybe this kid really was a heartless robot with no feelings. He sure looked like it earlier..._ Renjun thinks, recalling the girl’s hurt expression and Jaemin’s expressionless face.

He continues to walk home slowly behind the taller boy. As he nears the entrance of the small old apartment building, Jaemin abruptly turns around to face Renjun.

“Are you following me?” Jaemin questions, expression unreadable.

Clearly startled, Renjun takes an involuntary step back before realizing the familiar words from the boy in front of him.

Confusion spreading across his face and slightly taken aback, Renjun nervously answers softly, “Aha...no?” Renjun points behind Jaemin, “I live here?” he squeaks.

Jaemin gives Renjun an unexpected soft smile in return, but that’s all it takes for Renjun’s heart to do a weird flop. Before he even gets a chance to ponder the feeling, Jaemin turns around and is headed inside the building complex and disappears once again while leaving Renjun frozen in his spot, face red, and slightly shocked.

_What was that Huang Renjun???? Of course you live here! And what was that earlier? No more of that! No more badumps!!!_

Renjun continues to bicker within himself while muttering in Chinese again under his breath while entering the apartment building.

 

_________

 

It’s a little after dinner and Renjun’s just about done with all the dishes when he hears a knock on the door. Thinking it’s his brother, Winwin, he walks up to the door. Renjun questionably starts to unlock the door, suspicious yet again, since he knows his brother has a late work shift and wouldn’t be coming home until much later that night. Renjun hated this feeling of always feeling suspicious when he moved into a new neighborhood. Trying to be optimistic for once, he unlocks the rest of the locks and opens the door wide.

“Ge-” Renjun begins to call, but cuts himself off quickly when he recognizes who’s standing in front of him. He still hasn’t gotten use to the flower boy’s face. _Who would?_

“Hi.” Jaemin greets while holding what looks like a sack in his hands.

“Um..hi..” Renjun replies back with a confused and unintentionally judgmental look that is geared towards Jaemin and his...sack.

“I’m sorry for scaring you yesterday, and today again, I suppose...” Na Jaemin says, laughing nervously while scratching the back of his head. “I’m assuming you moved in recently.”

All Renjun can do is shake his head and respond, still slightly embarrassed, “I’m sorry for bumping into you earlier..”

“Oh no..don’t mention it. You came at a good time, actually.” Jaemin responds, a bit cryptically, if you asked Renjun.

Before the air can get any more awkward than it is, Jaemin saves the day by speaking up, “It's Renjun, right?”

“Y-yeah…” Renjun stutters softly.

“Is that a Chinese name? If you don’t mind me asking,” the taller guesses carefully.

“Yeah, it is Chinese.” Renjun confirms with not much expression behind his words.

“Ah...cool. Uh, yeah, anyways. We’re in the same home classroom together. My name’s Na Jaemin.” he says with a smile that’s charming enough to be considered Prince Charming himself.

Renjun nods stoically despite how charming his smile really is, Haechan’s words ringing oh so loudly in his ears.

_Don’t fall for him or his looks, Renjun! I know it looks like he's glowing and shit, but it’s all just a big fat show! Renjun! Do you hear me??? Stop thinking he’s good looking! He’s a heartless robot with no feelings! Renjun~~~~_

Renjun mentally pushes Haechan out from his thoughts.

“Oh here! I bought you some rice cakes as a welcoming gift. I know it’s probably a bit late, so it’s the least I can do. We don't have that many tenants in this apartment building, just an old senior couple on the first floor, so I knew you'd be on the second floor.” he explains while handing Renjun the carefully wrapped silk sack of rice cakes.

“Oh wow...thank you. You really didn't have to...” Renjun takes the sack mindfully into his small hands.

_How can he be a heartless robot with no feelings when he’s brought me rice cakes. Rice cakes!_

“No problem. I'm on the third floor if you ever need anything.” the taller boy reminds Renjun, lips slightly curved upwards.

“Noted.” Renjun responds in a voice distinctly more interested than before.

_Thanks to the rice cakes, of course._

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at school then, Renjun. Sweet dreams.” Jaemin says as he waves his way upstairs to the third floor.

“You too, Jaemin...see you...tomorrow...” Renjun gently says while waving back.

Renjun closes the door and places his rice cakes on his dinner table.

He eyes the rice cakes from afar.

_Don’t eat them Renjun. It’s just gonna make you think more about that weird good looking kid._

_B-but I mean they are just rice cakes. C’mon a couple wouldn’t hurt…They’re rice cakes!_

_They say food is always the way to one’s heart, Renjun-ah._

_That is true…_

Renjun continues to bicker within himself while eyeing the rice cakes. After a long battle with himself, he tiptoes to the table while snickering.

_Eating a couple of rice cakes from a nice neighbor can’t count as getting attached? Right? Right._

 

_~30 rice cakes later~_

_“_ What have I done??????”

 

_________

 

 

Unfortunately, Renjun feels sick to his stomach the following day at school.

_Ughhhhhh, why in the world did I think eating 30 whole rice cakes at night was a good idea…_

“Renjun, are you _sure_ you’re okay??? You really don’t look so good buddy...” his deskmate asks in a slightly alarmed voice. “Maybe you should just go to the restroom...”

Renjun appreciates Haechan’s concern, but he really really thinks Haechan’s voice is just a little too loud for the state he was in right now.

“Haechan, Haechan, _please._..inside voices...” Renjun pleads while clutching his stomach. “I’m f-fine...I just...ate something... _really_ bad last night…” he says, having trouble forming his words.

“Bro...you literally look green right now. You should really go my friend. I can give you the notes in class tomorrow you nerd. Class is almost over anyways.” Haechan says while packing Renjun’s belongings for him.

Truly regretting his decision of eating _all_ 30 rice cakes, Renjun finally gives up and asks the teacher if he could be excused to go to the bathroom. Still looking and feeling green, Renjun dashes out of the restroom when the teacher gives him permission to go, unintentionally making a small scene.

Renjun’s feeling much much _much_ better after the bathroom and mentally thanks Haechan for persuading him to go. The last bell that signals the end of school rings just as he leaves his stall. After washing his hands quickly, Renjun flings his hands in a rush into the air to let them dry (since there are never any _clean_ towels) and opens the door to leave the bathroom with his pinky, like he always did. All of the sudden, the door is pushed forward on him and Renjun is faced with an oh so familiar face.

“Jaemin?” Renjun calls out under his breath, unintentionally.

“Oh. Renjun. Hi.” Jaemin says quietly, smile slowly forming behind his words. “I was just...you know...I was just checking to see if-”

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asks with concern in his soft honey voice.

Renjun is taken aback and steps backwards unconsciously. 

 _Why would Jaemin come here just to see if I was okay? Does he really care about me? Was he really worried? Is this just a joke? What if_ he _was the one who put something in those rice cakes and he was just waiting to see me suffer? What’s up with the guy, really?_

“I’m fine.” Renjun replies curtly while straightening his posture. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go grab my bag from the room.”

Jaemin lifts up in his right hand to what looks to be Renjun’s brown book bag.

“I brought your bag for you since class already ended.” Jaemin blurts out immediately. “ I didn’t want anyone to steal it.” he adds. 

Renjun’s eyes widen and mentally wonders to himself how much he had to pay Haechan to let him take his bag. Renjun quickly takes his bag into his arms. “T-thanks. You really didn’t have to do that.” he says.

Jaemin laughs and ruffles Renjun’s head, “It’s really no problem.”

Renjun visibly flinches at Jaemin’s touch. Jaemin immediately and apologetically retrieves his hand slowly.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean to-”

“I should really go.” Renjun quickly says in a single breath, as he scuttles past Jaemin.

Renjun’s thoughts are in a shamble while walking back home. Like routine, Jaemin is walking close behind him. Renjun tries to catch glimpses back towards Jaemin without making it too obvious.

Renjun can only but sigh at the events that happened earlier. He feels a blush creep up thinking about Jaemin’s blinding smile when he opened the door and the way he ruffled his hair like it was no big deal.

_You’re a fool Huang Renjun...you’re a fool if you actually think Na Jaemin cares for you. You’re just delusional._

_But...maybe he really is interested? But why would he be? I’m a nobody. And he’s obviously everyone’s somebody._

Renjun sighs another deep sigh when all of the sudden he’s falling in mid air. While occupied in his thoughts, Renjun accidentally trips over a banana peel.

_A banana peel??? Are you serious??? Where in the heck did that come from???_

Renjun is whining and complaining (about the banana peel) about his ankle when all of the sudden Jaemin is right beside him in a matter of seconds, crouching down while scanning him worriedly.

“Yah! Are you okay?” Jaemin concerningly asks. “Jeez, are you prone to getting hurt? You scared me!” he yelps.

Renjun looks up at Jaemin. He never noticed how long his eyelashes were until now. _Pretty_. For a second all of the pain goes away before he’s sent back to reality.

Jaemin notices Renjun is clutching onto his ankle. “Here let me see-”

Renjun pushes Jaemin’s hands off of his ankle, as if it were second nature, “I’m fine, I don’t need your help.” Renjun realizes he says this in a harsher tone than he expected to.

Jaemin instantly becomes silent and slowly backs away from Renjun. As Renjun attempts to stand up by himself, only to fall back down, Jaemin catches him in his arms at the right moment.

“You can’t walk home like this by yourself, Renjun. Let me walk you home.” Jaemin half demands, still holding Renjun in his arms.

Renjun sighs in defeat and hesitantly grabs onto Jaemin’s arms. “F-fine…”

Jaemin smiles contently to himself and let’s Renjun lean his weight fully on him. Not that it was anything, that boy was lighter than a feather.

They’ve only walked a couple of feet when Jaemin offers surprising words to the smaller boy in his arms.

“Here, let me give you a piggyback. It’ll be easier for you.”

“What?” Renjun blurts out.

Jaemin is already crouching down before Renjun can give it any more thought.

“Come on.” Jaemin says while crouching down and patting his back signaling the smaller boy to get on.

“No. You are not giving me a piggyback, Na Jaemin. I forbid it.”

“Come on, Renjun. It’s just a piggy back. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.”

Renjun is silent for a second before he groans in frustration. All he can do is roll his eyes as he gets onto the back of the slightly taller caramel colored hair boy.

“Don’t blame me when my weight kills you.” Renjun whispers once he’s on Jaemin’s back. _I ate 30 rice cakes yesterday because of you._

Jaemin’s laugh loudly roars right in his ears. “It’ll take 50 of you before I feel a thing. You’re light as a feather, Huang Renjun.”

Renjun scoffs and unawarely tightens his grip on Jaemin.

They approach home in a matter of minutes and Jaemin is bending down to safely let Renjun off his back.

“See, that wasn’t too bad right?” Jaemin playfully asks to lighten the mood.

Renjun carefully gets off of Jaemin and dusts off his school uniform, jokingly. “I suppose..”

“Will you be okay going up the stairs, Prince Renjun?” Jaemin jokes back in a charming voice filled with honey.

“Ha..ha..ha..Yeah, I think I’ll be fine. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore.” Renjun quietly returns while looking down at his ankle.

“That’s good. Make sure to put some ice on that when you get inside.” Jaemin reminds Renjun while smiling his usual smile.

_Did Jaemin normally smile this much? I thought he was suppose to be a robot...I mean...not that I mind..._

“Aye aye, captain.” Renjun saluts in reply.

Jaemin just stares and chuckles at Renjun’s cute little salut. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then Renjun.” Jaemin says while waving and starting to walk slowly towards the direction they came from.

“Where are you going?” Renjun asks confused.

“I have volunteer work near the school!” he says while walking further and further away from the apartment building.

_Volunteer work?_

“Be safe, Injunnie! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jaemin yells back to Renjun before disappearing from Renjun’s sight.

Renjun is left in front of his building alone and speechless.

_Volunteer work…_

_Did he just...walk me home...just because I…?_

_Badump…_

Renjun shakes his head.

_And Injunnie? What was that?_

_Badump…._

Renjun shakes his head again.

_That Na Jaemin really was something else..._

 

_________

 

Renjun’s ankle gets better and heals completely in a matter of days. Despite knowing Renjun is okay, Na Jaemin still walks Renjun home every single day after school. And Renjun’s head becomes filled with a little more and more of the caramel colored hair boy. They don’t talk much during school because school is getting busier and busier by the day. But Jaemin still takes the time to ask how his ankle is doing when he can after school and how Renjun’s been too. Lately Renjun’s also been getting mysterious banana milk’s placed on his desk every morning right before class starts. He would always ask Haechan if it was his doing, but he would deny doing such a treacherous thing every single time, since apparently he despised the banana milk drink. He recalls Haechan telling him that it was “ _satan’s beverage disguised as a kid friendly drink_ ”. If it wasn’t Haechan, Renjun assumed it could only be Jaemin, but every time he looked towards the boy his eyes were always looking someplace else.

“Hey, Renjun.” Haechan whispers while tapping a sleeping Renjun awake.

Renjun lifts his head up slightly from the books under him. “Is the break over already?” Renjun asks disappointedly.

“No no, I just had something I wanted to ask you...” Haechan clears.

“Oh...yeah? What is it?” Renjun lifts his head up fully while letting out a rather cute yawn.

“Awww~” Haechan coos. “Look at our baby tiger awakening from his deep sleep~” Haechan ruffles Renjun’s hair playfully while pinching his cheeks softly.

“Yah, who are you calling baby…” Renjun pushes Haechan’s hands off of him playfully, laughing along with Haechan. Over the weeks at the school he had gotten closer to Haechan without meaning to. The boy had a charm that made it impossible not to like him. He was a natural charmer. It was as if Renjun had absolutely no choice in befriending the younger boy. If anything, Renjun was extremely thankful for Haechan. He felt like he had someone he could trust in this crazy heck of a school.

“Anyways~” Haechan continues, “I just wanted to know something…”

Renjun nods and continues to listen with open ears.

“I’ve been hearing things...and I recently heard that you’ve been hanging out with Na Jaemin after school... _a lot._ ” Haechan inquires.

Renjun, a tad startled and a little annoyed at the invasive hint in his tone, knits his eyebrows together. Without meaning to sound defensive Renjun replies back instantly, “I don’t know what the big deal is?”

“I’m just saying...don’t forget what I told you at the beginning of the year. Just be careful. He’s known to have a huge fan club...aka a lot of _crazy_ _stalkers_.”

Renjun begins to look uninterested and Haechan can begin to feel Renjun becoming annoyed by each passing second.

“Just be careful, Renjun. Okay? I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Don’t worry, Haechan. Jaemin doesn’t mean anything to me. We just walk home together. He’s nobody to me. _Really_.” Just as Renjun is clarifying to Haechan in an expressionless and persuasive detached tone, Renjun looks up to see Jaemin walking into the classroom at the same moment, a hurt expression painted across his face.

“J-jaemin...” Renjun breathes out.

Jaemin immediately walks back out of the classroom, heading towards the direction he had just entered from.

Without thinking, Renjun dashes out of his seat and follows the taller boy out of the room, not caring what Haechan or anyone one else paying attention might have thought.

Renjun reaches out to grab a hold of Jaemin’s arm when he’s finally caught up to the boy.

“Jaemin, I didn’t mean-” Renjun starts to explain as Jaemin starts to face the smaller boy.

“You didn’t meant what?” Jaemin retorts sharply.

“I was just-” Renjun starts to feel frustration and a feeling of anxiousness rise up as he tries his best to gather his thoughts.

 _What did Renjun mean? What_ was _he trying to say? Wasn't Jaemin a nobody to him? Jaemin wasn’t suppose to mean anything to him. So how could he tell Jaemin he did mean something to him when Renjun’s instinctive nature was to push everyone he felt anything towards away._

Jaemin is waiting for a response when all of the sudden a girl’s voice calls out to Jaemin from behind Renjun.

“Excuse me, sorry to bother you…” the girl intrudes. Her eyes only locked on Jaemin.

Renjun turns around, unaware of his grip still on Jaemin’s arm and sees a girl similar to his height. The girl has long black hair with bangs and he immediately recognizes her as a girl who would frequently come to peek inside their homeroom before class began.  

Renjun instinctively lets go of Jaemin’s arm when he notices the girl taking a quick glance at his hold.

“Jaemin sunbaenim...I was just wondering if...if you were free to go on a date this Friday…with me.” the girl says slowly but confidently, sighing in relief after she was done asking the question.

Renjun looks towards Jaemin then back at the girl then back at Jaemin cautiously.

Jaemin looks directly into the girl’s eyes, ignoring Renjun completely, as if he were an invisible ghost.

“I _am_ free this Friday.” he replies, tone unreadable with no particular expression on his face. “Meet me in front of the school after class ends today so we can exchange numbers.”

The girl beams and clasps her hands together at Jaemin’s unexpected response. All she does is nod enthusiastically in response before dashing off.

Renjun just watches the events taking place in front of his eyes. Not knowing what he feels, or _what_ to feel.

 _Numb?_ Was that the word? He still wasn’t sure. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

Jaemin looks at Renjun quietly for a response, but all Renjun does is turn around and starts walking back to the classroom, as if nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

Walking towards the classroom, Renjun misses the heavy sigh Jaemin takes before heading towards the same direction a minute or so later.

“What was that??? What happened? Are you okay?” Haechan bombards Renjun with millions of questions right as he enters the room.

Renjun sits back down in his seat. Expression still dazed. Quiet as ever.

“Nothing happened. I’m fine.” he says like a robot. Like something he’s practiced saying a thousand times over.

Jaemin enters the classroom a minute or two after Renjun does and is accompanied and attacked with a piercing death glare by Haechan.

Renjun goes throughout the entire day without saying a single word. Haechan has to tap his shoulder to bring him back to reality when the last bell rings.

“Renjun-ah, school’s ended…” Haechan says worriedly.

“Oh...thanks.” Renjun responds a second later, shaking his head. He grabs his things and puts them into his bag slowly, still dazed. He notices everyone’s already out of the room, besides the two boys in the front row.

“I-i’ll see you tomorrow,” Renjun stutters while leaving without waiting for a response from Haechan.

Renjun heads down the stairs, forgetting what awaits him until he’s nearing the entrance of the school. He sees Jaemin and the girl from earlier close next to each other, laughing together at something Renjun clearly does not want to know about. Suddenly feeling nauseous, Renjun quickly tries to walk past the two, avoiding both Jaemin and the girl completely before finally exiting the school’s gates.

Without taking a single look back Renjun walks home alone for the first time in awhile today.

 

_________

 

Very later that night, specifically around 2AM, which was usually the time Renjun got weird after midnight cravings, Renjun opens up his fridge to find absolutely nothing inside. Renjun’s stomach growls not once, not twice, but three times in the span of five minutes.

Renjun curses both himself and Winwin for not going grocery shopping this past weekend.

Renjun is flopped on his bed. He decides he’ll just have to sleep off the hunger until lunch tomorrow at school. It was super late after all...He lays there quietly, quite successful so far, trying his best not to think about food, until a huge grumble is heard from his tiny hungry belly. He opens his eyes wide, and bursts out in laughter, sincerely hoping the entire neighborhood didn’t hear that. 

_Okay okay okayyyyyyy. I heard you the first twenty times, stomach dear. I’m going, I’m going!_

The reason for this unnecessary contemplation was because Renjun had always hated having to spend his own money for things, even food at times. He had been saving up his money just in case he wanted to disappear for good one day. But desperate times called for desperate measures. Renjun casually and quickly gets dressed and shoves his Moomin wallet, his cell, and his airpods into his hoodie pocket before heading out to the convenience store a couple blocks away.

  
  
“That will be 10,000 won.” the cashier says in a monotone voice.

“Ah...10,000 won?”

“Yes. 10,000 won.”

Renjun starts to hand the cashier his money hesitantly.

_10,000 freaking won for just ramen and some shitty snacks, in this economy??? This was ridiculous. This better be the best ramen and 2AM dinner Renjun’s ever eaten in his life._

Renjun let’s go of his money after a small tug of war with the cashier who was clearly done with the small boy in the Moomin pajama pants at 2AM in the morning. 

Renjun breathes out a deep sigh into the chilly air as he leaves the convenience store. There was something about the silent and cold air at 2AM he loved that made him feel oddly at peace than during the bustling busy hours of the day. Maybe it was because there were less people, less responsibilities, less noise, which somehow made him feel like this world was his very own. He smiles up at the bright clear night sky and takes out his airpods and shoves them hastily into his ears before heading back home with his sack in his empty hand.

The convenience store isn't too far from his apartment building, but it definitely takes awhile to get to it considering their apartment building was literally located in the middle of nowhere in the neighborhood.

Music blasting, Renjun doesn’t notice the strange man following behind him. The song ends and there is a moment of silence between the songs when Renjun quickly pauses his music thinking he heard something. He realizes a loud shuffle close behind him and turns around in a confused manner to see a slightly large man dragging his feet against the floor, an empty light green bottle in one hand. Renjun just shakes off his paranoia and continues to walk down the regular path in a faster pace. The drunk guy keeps muttering and yelling incoherent things towards Renjun’s direction. Usually, Renjun wouldn’t mind these things, he was a big boy, and he knew there were drunk people. But it was 2AM in the morning and this guy looked awfully drunk and something felt so off.

Renjun’s breathing begins to get a little shaky. A moment later he takes out his phone without thinking much of it. He opens his contacts list to find only two names under one another. “Winwin gege” and “NaNa”. Jaemin had, _forcibly_ , taken Renjun’s phone the day after he hurt his ankle and insistently put his number into his phone, while Renjun was whining and yelling at the boy to hand his phone back. Jaemin had told him to call him whenever he felt like it. He had never been so thankful in his life to have someone other than his brother in his phone for once.

Without any hesitation at all Renjun quickly dials Jaemin’s number, waiting and hoping for the other to pick up soon.

Jaemin picks up the call after the very first ring.

“Jaemin! Oh thank God.” Renjun whispers out into his cell while glancing back in hopes of the man to have disappeared.

“Renjun?”

“Jaemin I think someone’s following me-”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jaemin asks in a confused voice. “Renjun, where are you?” he adds right away in a serious and hard tone forming in his voice.

“I-I’m walking home from the convenience store but Jaemin I don't know I really don't have a good feeling..I-I think he's really _really_ drunk-” Renjun tries to say quietly as possible, voice noticeably shaking.

“Renjun, just keep walking. I’m coming right now, okay? Just keep walking. You'll be okay, I’m coming right now.” Jaemin says reassuringly, voice still hard and stiff. 

Renjun can hear a loud shuffle on the other end of the phone. “Please just hurry-” Renjun whines into the phone before the line abruptly disconnects. Shocked at the abrupt end of the call, he checks his phone to see that there’s no service in the area he’s walking through.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

Renjun wraps his arms around himself, but is still visibly shaking. He continues to try to walk, like Jaemin had told him to do, despite the man yelling directly at him now.

“Who’dya- who’dya call th-ere, little man?” the man slurs, aiming his words at the only other person in the streets.

Trying to ignore him the best he could, Renjun puts his head down and keeps on walking towards their apartment.

“Why’reya ignoring me, yu punk?” the man raises his voice, causing Renjun to flinch at his drunk and loud remarks thrown at him.

“I said why’reya ignoring me yu punk! Are yu embarrassed of me?”

Renjun closes his eyes for a brief moment, really hoping he could just teleport himself to his apartment. All of the sudden the voice that was behind his is now right next to his ears.

“I said why’reya ignoring me, punk.”

Renjun almost has a heart attack when he opens his eyes to see the drunk man standing right next to him. He can smell the awful stench of alcohol reeking off of him.

“I-I’m sorry- I’m not ignoring you, I’m sorry...I just…I really have to go..” Renjun stutters while pointing in the direction of the apartment.

“You’re not going anywhere,” the drunk man disgustingly whispers while throwing the empty bottle towards the wall.

Renjun flinches and yelps at the loud bottle crashing behind him and instinctively puts his hands in front of his face in defense.

The drunk man grabs Renjun’s arm harshly, causing the smaller boy to squeal from the harsh and unwanted pain.

“Get off of me!” Renjun barks into the man’s face, trying to push the man off of him with all his might, but failing miserably due to his weight being too much in comparison.

All of the sudden the man in front of him tumbles down to the ground with a loud thud.

 

“He said to get the fuck off of him, you scumbag.”

 

“Jaemin!” Renjun yelps out at the caramel colored hair boy he was yearning to see right in front of him.

Jaemin instantly engulfs Renjun in a bone crushing hug then in an instant releases him to check his condition while scanning him up and down. “Are you okay?” Jaemin breathlessly asks, concern both clearly in his voice and on his face.

Renjun nods his head slowly while taking a look at the boy in front of him. The first thing he notices is how sweaty Jaemin is, his hair sticking all around his forehead. The second thing he notices is how Jaemin’s wearing no shoes. His feet are blackened up near the bottom and Renjun can see blood starting to drip in the cracks of his toes. The third thing he notices is how concerned Jaemin looks, unable to take his eyes and hands off of Renjun.

Before Renjun can even think about anything or thank the boy who just quite possibly saved him, the drunk man calls out to them.

“Hey kid-”

Unaware of the proximity of the drunk man, both Renjun and Jaemin turn towards the once fallen man, to be unpleasantly greeted with a jarring punch.

Jaemin clutches his jaw while groaning in pain.

“Jaemin!” Renjun immediately grabs on to Jaemin and furiously stands up to meet the drunk man in a matter of seconds.

“What’s your problem? Leave us alone! Just fuck off you old man!”

The drunk man looks livid and makes his way towards Renjun now when suddenly the man is tumbling down again, this time Jaemin in tow.

Jaemin punches the drunk man below him for what seems like a hundred times before the man below him starts to groaning in immense pain. Renjun flings himself onto the back of Jaemin after the first few punches and tries to grab his moving arm the best he can.

“Jaemin! Jaemin, stop! You're gonna kill him!”

Jaemin is too caught up in wanting to punch the shit out of the motherfucker to hear anything around him or feel anything on his hand. He unconsciously tunes out the world outside of him and the disgusting drunk man below him.

“Jaemin-nah, please _please_ stop!” Renjun trembles out while still tugging on the back of Jaemin’s shirt, tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. Renjun tries to get Jaemin’s attention for the hundredth time as he uses both arms to pry Jaemin’s locked arm off the drunk man. As Renjun does this, Jaemin accidentally elbows Renjun, sending the smaller boy down to the floor. Renjun squeals as his butt hits the floor, causing Jaemin to finally come out of the dangerous trance he was in mere seconds ago. 

“Renjun!” Jaemin immediately faces his attention to the smaller boy, completely ignoring the bloodied drunk man unconscious next to him.

“I-I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to…” Jaemin says in a soft voice, unable to look Renjun in the eyes.

Renjun shakes his head and reaches out without thinking and caresses the side of Jaemin’s bruised face lightly. “It’s okay, let’s just hurry and call the police and get out of here.” Jaemin agrees and nods in response.

Not wanting to deal with the police this late in the night, Renjun quickly calls the police and tips in that there was an unconscious drunk man in the street that may need medical attention. Renjun checked the state of the drunk man before leaving him in the dusty streets. The man’s face looked pretty bruised up, but he seemed to be groaning himself back to life, muttering words of pain and regret. Renjun grimaced at the man and sort of felt bad that he was the reason he ended up like this. I mean he deserved it...but he didn’t deserve looking like...well whatever he looked like.

Renjun and Jaemin go towards their home together, hand in hand. Strangely enough, Renjun was the one who had grabbed onto Jaemin’s hand first, still quite shocked by the events that happened mere minutes ago. All Jaemin did in response was intertwine their fingers together and grasp on tighter. Jaemin also made sure to ask Renjun multiple times on the way if he was alright.

“For the millionth time Jaemin, I’m really okay! It’s _you_ who we should be worried about! Look at your small little bloody toes! And your face!” the smaller says concerningly, examining his bruised face and slightly bloody lip. “How am I going to explain this to all your little fangirls!” Renjun sincerely and worriedly exclaims while flinging his arms in the air, for more emphasis.

Jaemin lightly chuckles at Renjun’s worried expression and his cute little short speal.

“Don’t worry about me, really. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“Don’t be a such a masochist, Na Jaemin.” Renjun rolls his eyes towards the slightly taller boy in front of him. “I know it hurts, you big baby.”

“ _Baby?_ ” Jaemin replies with a raised eyebrow and a smirk forming against his bruised and bloodied face.

Renjun lightly scoffs at the oddly amusing boy in front of him and sighs while looking to the side, realizing they’ve finally arrived to their apartment building.

“You really should put some medicine on that…” Renjun quietly begs, wincing visibly at Jaemin’s newly formed swollen lips.

“Nah, it’s okay. I can just sleep it off and throw some ice on it.” Jaemin says a bit dejectedly.

“No, you should like _really_ put some medicine on that...I have a kit at home I can go grab if you want...” Renjun shares while looking intently at his bruise, tracing his finger against Jaemin’s lips, almost touching them, but not quite.

Jaemin just intently stares at the smaller boy in front of him, unknowingly holding in his breath from their close proximity.

“Y-yeah...okay. Uh...do you want to meet me on the roof then?” Jaemin asks softly, not wanting to scare off Renjun’s comforting nearness.

Renjun retreats his hands back to himself, smiles and nods, crescents forming on his eyes. “Sounds good, I’ll go grab it real quick and meet you up there.”

Renjun disappears quickly up the stairs as Jaemin releases out his breath and shakes his head to himself.

 

_________

 

Renjun grabs his medicine kit from his cabinet in a rush and darts his way up the stairs to the roof to an awaiting Jaemin. Slowly approaching the top steps to the door of the roof he suddenly recalls and remembers the only other time he had come up here after moving into the new apartment building. Thrown off from the traumatizing and unwelcomed memory of that night, Renjun starts to have a hard time breathing. He clutches his chest and closes his eyes tightly and decides to take a seat on the step to calm himself down. He sits there for what seems like an eternity, but in reality it’s just a couple of long silent minutes. Renjun deeply breathes out and breathes in. He remembers and reminds himself that a hurt Jaemin is waiting for him outside on the rooftop. Renjun wakes up from his toxic circle of thoughts and he mentally slaps himself.

He opens the door slowly and peeks out to see Jaemin sitting down near the edge of one of the rooftop walls. It’s 4AM and it should be pitch black outside, but the rooftop is bright and lit up with what looks like fairy lights all around the edges of the wall. Renjun is in awe and looks around the rooftop slowly. He felt like he was in a dream. It looked nothing like it did that time he was up here. 

“Wow...Jaemin...did you...did you do this?” Renjun asks, amazement still in his eyes and laced in his voice.

Jaemin ruffles his own hair and laughs softly at Renjun’s reaction, “Y-yeah, I did. I did it a while back ago, actually. It was just getting too dark and gloomy up here so I thought I’d light the place up a bit since I come here a lot at night.”

“Oh, so you come up here often?” Renjun asks curiously, while taking a seat next to Jaemin and placing his medicine kit next to his feet.

“Yeah, I practically live up here…” he chuckles out while looking around the crumbly old rooftop. “I know it looks old and dusty and gross...but, it has its perks.”

Renjun smiles towards Jaemin and is about to reach for the medicine kit when all of the sudden Jaemin pulls out something from behind him. Jaemin places them in front of Renjun’s feet. 

Jaemin nudges the tiny pair of shoes towards a bewildered looking Renjun, “You left these here that night...”

“Those...” Renjun starts while staring keenly at his shoes, eyebrows knit together.

“That- That was you?” Renjun asks, voice beginning to falter a bit.

Jaemin looking down at his feet, barely nods in response, but visibly smiles towards the smaller boy besides him.

Both fear and relief hits Renjun like a freight train when he puzzles together the events of that night on this very rooftop.

“Please- please don’t tell anyone...” his voice is small but he hopes Jaemin can hear him and his heart clearly.

“Of course, Renjun.” Is all Jaemin has to say in response for Renjun to relax his shoulders. Renjun let’s out a deep deep sigh into the chilly air and closes his eyes against the breeze. The two stay like that for quite awhile. Both silent, both basking in each other’s presence and in the chilly breeze that whisks their hair from left to right.

Renjun cuts the silence by asking Jaemin a question close to the smaller boy’s heart, “Why did you save me that night?"

Jaemin doesn’t seem startled by the question and Renjun doesn’t know what to make out of his silent response. Renjun can’t stand the silence until Jaemin speaks up, startling Renjun a bit.

“You know, I’ve lived in this shitty apartment building since I was in middle school.” Jaemin begins, bringing his head up so Renjun could see the outline of his face clearly now. “I remember always coming up here by myself. I use to lean against that same ledge you were leaning on that night. And I use to grip the edge of the wall. Just like you did. And I use to always ask myself the same questions that filled my head. _What’s the point in all this. What’s the point? Why me? Why did I have to live like this?_ _Why? Why? Why?_ ”

“I was gonna do it. I was about to do it. I was _so fucking close_ to doing it.” Jaemin laughs lightly, like an insane man who was about to get to the punchline of a sick bad joke. “But I remembered I had to water my sunflowers. Or else they’d die. I know it sounds crazy. But sometimes it's the small things. My mom loved sunflowers. I put them on her and my dad’s grave every year. There's no one else to do that for them...but me. I didn’t want them to be forgotten.”

There’s a welcoming silence in the air that fills the rooftop. The two boys just sit there together in stillness amongst the twinkling lights that engulfs them in a hushed embrace.

“People tell you, ‘you'll get through this’, ‘you're not alone’, ‘it’ll get better’, but sometimes that's just not enough. Sometimes it’s just _not_ enough. Sometimes you just have to find your own reasons to keep living, no matter how small they may be. I wanted to tell you this that day...I was going to, after you calmed down. I wanted to tell you to find your reason, but before I could even ask for your name you disappeared...and left me. I really regretted it...not chasing after you. I thought you disappeared from the face of the Earth. It really felt like it...”

“But then there was a new transfer student at school one day and at first I couldn’t tell if it was you or not. I remembered you muttering in Chinese to yourself that night and your name sounded too foreign to be Korean...I sort of puzzled together that it was you after I found out you lived here too…”

"Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I was in my entire life to see you behind your second floor door that night I brought you rice cakes, Injun.” Jaemin admits shyly. Jaemin’s too lost in his words and his memories to notice Renjun quietly crying beside him. Jaemin hears a soft sniffle and turns his full attention to the boy next to him, cooing mentally at how soft he looked, despite his tears.

Renjun sniffles and wipes his snot and tears, a bit embarrassed Jaemin had to see him like this.

“Thank you..." Renjun manages to mutter out, “...for saving me.”

“No, thank _you_.”

Renjun looks up at Jaemin in a confused manner, “Why?”

“For being here.”

Renjun gives Jaemin a soft but rare smile and Jaemin thinks it’s the most blinding smile he’s seen his entire life.

It was almost 4AM and here Renjun was crying in front of the boy who had saved him twice already, the boy who he might even have feelings for, maybe even liked...and there on the floor beside him was the sad sad medicine kit that was completely ignored.

“Oh! Your bruise! What am I even doing, I’m sorry, here-” Renjun wipes the rest of his tears away and grabs open the medicine kit and scooches closer to where Jaemin is sitting.

Jaemin chuckles at Renjun quietly muttering Chinese under his breath as he tries to quickly pry open the medicine kit. Renjun takes out an antiseptic and pours it lightly onto a cotton pad. The smaller boy hands the cotton pad towards Jaemin and asks him to wipe his wound on his lips while he gets the medicine ready. Jaemin does as he’s told and gets his wound all cleaned up for Renjun.

Renjun applies the medicine on a small cotton swab and deems it ready to be applied. He turns around towards Jaemin and is sitting right beside him, but it’s still a bit dark and hard to reach the wound without jabbing it onto his lips. He needed to get just a bit closer...

“Ah, sorry…” Renjun breaths out while focusing on Jaemin’s lips and the wound. The smaller boy didn’t even realize that he had just ended up crawling onto Jaemin’s lap.

“Much better.” Renjun says while applying the medicine, smiling at his work.

Jaemin shifts a little on the added weight of Renjun and is hyper aware of how close the smaller is to his face. Jaemin tries holding his breath in, but fails and releases his repressed breath out slowly.

“You smell like cigarettes…” Renjun points out while grimacing, finishing up applying the medicine to Jaemin’s now glossy lips.

“Y-yeah...sorry...I have a nasty habit.” Jaemin stutters, trying his best to avoid eye contact with him.

“I hate cigarettes…” Renjun nonchalantly adds. Jaemin only hums at his forward comment, too occupied with Renjun running around in his thoughts.

Jaemin looks down at Renjun’s face when the smaller deems himself “all done”. The caramel colored hair boy accidentally and unintentionally locks his eyes with the smaller petite boy on top of him.

Bad move.

Jaemin’s eyes look into Renjun’s eyes first than falters down onto his lips. He can’t stop staring at his lips and wonders what it would feel like if he just...

Jaemin is woken up from his dream when Renjun is pushing himself up and off of Jaemin.

“Well! Uh...yeah! It’s getting real late. So...I’ll see you tomorrow?” Renjun sputters all in one breath as he is already walking towards the door to the rooftop entrance.

“Thank you again for tonight, Jaemin. I really am thankful.” Renjun says in a softer tone than before. He waves himself off until he’s already running off down the staircase, disappearing into the night right before his eyes.

 

Jaemin, left in an utterly state of confusion by himself, just sits there, alone with his thoughts.

_Shit._

 


	3. ❊

 

__________

 

Renjun’s thoughts are everywhere the next morning at school. He’s actually shocked out of his mind to find himself currently sitting here in class. Truth be told, he actually walked to school without remembering anything, like he was in some sort of weird trance. Last night’s events were so unimaginably wild to the small boy that it felt like he had woken up from a long tiring dream this morning. Even though he had a hard time staying awake, he wasn’t as bad as Jaemin who was literally snoring the entire morning throughout class. Renjun glances at the caramel color haired boy from time to time and smiles to himself when he snores a little loud enough for him to hear from across the room.

Renjun didn't really know what to think of everything that had happened last night, truthfully. He tried to sleep when he went downstairs to his home, but all he could think about was the way Jaemin had hugged him tightly. And the way he had held onto his hands tighter on the way back home. And the way he kept strangely staring at his lips on the rooftop. He tried _really_ hard not to think of all these things, but it was completely useless. Renjun remembers being frustrated to his limits on his bed, shuffling and squirming from all the thumping in his heart. He was so confused and he still was. He wonders if Jaemin was just as confused as him too.

But then Renjun remembers the events that happened earlier yesterday too. How Jaemin had accepted that black haired girl’s confession so confidently and so quickly. This threw Renjun off even more. He didn't even know what to think at this point. Na Jaemin was officially driving him crazy _._

_Why did Jaemin care so much about Renjun? Why did he come dashing barefoot at two in the morning from just a mere call from a boy he barely knew in a matter of minutes like Prince Charming? Why did he do all these things when he was just going to be his usual self at school, the usual self that accepted confessions, the usual self that stayed quiet and secretly basked in the attention of the school? The usual self that broke hearts. But more importantly, why did Renjun care so damn much about the boy anyways? Why did all these things matter in the first place?_

Renjun was driving himself mad with all these questions that he didn't even notice the teacher had left the room for the student’s break time. He blames his unusually overbearing overthinking due to his lack of sleep.

“Damn son…you look... _awfully_ sleep deprived today.” Haechan says with a judgemental stare looking up and down a very disheveled looking Renjun.

Renjun plops his head down onto his books in response, “I _am_ awfully sleep deprived.”

“Well, we still have like half the day left so you should _really_ go wash your face or buy a drink or pinch your cheeks or _something_ before you end up looking like a fool in front of teacher, like _someone.”_ Haechan says while glaring towards the area next to the windows. Renjun follows Haechan’s glare and turns his head, still placed on top of the books, towards the windows to see a fast asleep and equally disheveled looking Jaemin, drooling.

Renjun stares at Jaemin. He looks so peaceful sleeping like this under the warm rays that were peeking down through the windows. His already light caramel colored hair looked even lighter under the sun. Renjun couldn't help but smile softly to himself. Looking at the untroubled boy, he remembers the words that Jaemin told him on the rooftop last night. He wonders to himself how much pain the sleeping boy across from him had to go through on his own since he was just a child. He admits to himself that he had a lot more in common with the boy than he thought he would have. Renjun takes a deep sigh and closes his eyes for a brief moment too.

The last bell rings and Renjun is quite pleased and frightened at the same time to know that he survived the entire day without passing out in his seat. He's honestly never wanted to dash to his bed and sleep for maybe a hundred years this badly in his entire life. He mentally cheers and smiles to himself when he realizes it was already Friday which meant it was the weekend. Which meant he could _actually_ sleep for a hundred years.

Friday.

_Friday._

Wasn't Jaemin and that girl suppose to go on their little date or whatever today? 

The smile that was on Renjun’s face immediately disappears. Renjun, suddenly not wanting to face a certain boy after school, quickly throws his things into his bag and dashes out of the class and down the stairs before anyone or anything can stop him.

Renjun is already dashing towards home, not giving a second thought about waiting up for a certain boy, when suddenly a wave of tiredness hits him. Renjun can't believe he’s literally falling asleep while walking home. Not wanting to trip on anymore mysterious banana peels, and hurt his ankle for the second time, he decides to stop by the small old bookstore that was on the way home he frequently visited time to time. A quick nap at his favorite bookstore under the warm sun on a Friday afternoon sounded like a perfect plan to Renjun. Besides, the old bookstore grandpa loved Renjun and always told him that he reminded him of his grandson, which granted Renjun free little oranges from the sweet old man from time to time. There was a small porch area outside in front of the bookstore that he loved to lay on while reading his books so he decided to take a quick nap there, the grandpa never minding what the small boy did. Basking in the warm sun, Renjun lays down and slowly closes his eyes. The small boy quickly falls asleep, the soft breeze hitting his cheeks whispering him goodnight.

 

Renjun grumbles awake and opens his eyes slowly to the sun directly hitting his face. The day was still bright and the sun was still out so he assumed only an hour or so had passed.

Renjun starts to sit up, cracking his neck, and yawning his leftover sleep away. He continues to yawn and stretches to the right. When he starts stretching to his left he suddenly lets out a dramatic gasp. Renjun is startled out of his mind to see a wild Jaemin sitting right down next to him, holding a book in his lap, currently smiling straight at the boy.

“Did you have a nice nap, Injun-ah?” Jaemin coos in a gentle voice.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun questions the boy, still a bit alarmed from his unexpected presence.

Jaemin holds up the book in his lap and blankly stares at the smaller boy. “I’m reading.”

“No...I mean...what are you doing _here_ , instead of...don’t you have a date today?” Renjun asks in a quiet voice, a bit of disappointment following his question.

“Oh that...yeah well, you see...she came up to me after class and told me she had mistaken me for a _different_ guy from _another_ classroom. Lee Jeno, was it? But, anyways, don't worry about.” Is all Jaemin nonchalantly replies, bringing his attention back to the book on his lap.

Renjun can't exactly tell whether or not Jaemin was really telling the truth or if he was a really good liar. But either way, Renjun couldn’t help but feel a giant weight lift off of his shoulders. He knows he shouldn't be this happy, but he couldn’t help but smile to himself at the thought. He glances Jaemin’s way and notices that he’s squinting his eyes and giving his entire attention to the book below him. Renjun scooches himself closer to the boy, wanting to know what could be so interesting.

“What are you reading?” Renjun asks curiously, genuinely interested in what Jaemin was intently reading.

Jaemin replies slowly, taking his time to say each word aloud clearly, “It's called, _How-Can-You-Tell-That-You’re-In-Love?_ ”

Jaemin looks directly towards Renjun’s face as he finishes up telling him, eyes unintentionally flickering back and forth from the smaller boy’s eyes to the smaller boy’s lips.

Renjun knits his eyebrows together and instantly makes a face of confusion, slowly and unconsciously furthering his face away from Jaemin.

“Ha ha! I’m kidding, I’m kidding…” Jaemin quickly addresses, before scaring off Renjun completely. “It’s called, _Under a Million Stars, I See You_. I don’t know I just grabbed it from one of the bookshelves while you were sleeping. But it’s pretty good.” Jaemin says.

Before Renjun can comment on his book of choice, he’s interrupted by the owner of the bookstore.

“Ah, my little grandson is finally awake~”

Renjun and Jaemin both turn around to see the owner by the open door that leads into the small old bookstore and immediately greet him.

The old man turns back around to go inside and comes out with two oranges in his wrinkly hands. The old man asks with a huge smile on his face, “Would you and your little boyfriend like some oranges?”

“Oh! No no no no no! He’s not my boyfriend!” Renjun sputters out while waving his hands frantically in the air.

“Yes!!!!!! We would _love_ some!” Jaemin exclaims at the same time Renjun squeaks out, Jaemin’s intentional loud voice overpowering Renjun’s smaller one.

Renjun death glares Jaemin as the taller of the two reaches out to take the oranges into his hands. Jaemin smiles sweetly at the owner and thanks him while shimming back down next to Renjun.

Jaemin starts to peel the first orange in his lap and hands Renjun it after he’s done, like the gentleman he is.

“Do you come here often?” Jaemin asks, peeling his own orange now.

“Yeah, actually, I do...I love reading...so I try to come here as often as I can.” Renjun says while popping a small slice of the orange into his mouth. “He says I remind him of his grandson so he treats me really well.” Renjun adds while chuckling softly. “He gives me oranges every time I come.”

“That’s...really sweet…” Jaemin mutters back, sounding a bit uninterested from being too focused on peeling the orange in his hands.

Renjun scoffs at Jaemin’s uninterested response and looks down at the orange that was taking all the boy’s interest away from him when Renjun let’s out a loud yelp.

“Oh my god! Jaemin! Your hands!” Renjun squeaks out.

Renjun was such a fool. He had totally forgotten to apply medicine to Jaemin’s bruised hands last night from all those punches he had thrown towards the drunk man. Renjun blames himself and the dark night for completely brisking away the forgotten wounds on the taller’s hands.

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and lifts his hands up to see them extremely bruised and red. “You know, that _actually_ sort of looks bad.”

“Urg! Jaemin, you’re such an idiot. You should have atleast iced them! Here, let me see.” Renjun grumbles out, taking both of Jaemin’s hands lightly into his smaller ones.

Renjun carefully inspects his hands, eyebrows scrunched together, worry plastered all over his face.

Jaemin chuckles to himself at the distressed boy. Honestly, his hands didn’t hurt _that_ bad, but he wanted to be held by Renjun’s hands forever. If not forever, he wanted this to last just a bit longer.

“Ow ow ow!” Jaemin yelps, a little too dramatically for what it really was, when Renjun accidentally presses a little too hard on his right thumb.

“Ah! I’m sorry! Does it hurt, a lot?” Renjun apologetically asks.

Jaemin makes a pouty puppy face and nods his head in response.

Renjun laughs at his stupid face and whispers a sorry before looking back down at his hands. He can’t help but notice how Jaemin’s hands fit perfectly with his.

 _Badump_.

He also can’t help but notice how his hands were intertwined together with Jaemin’s.

_Badump._

_When did that happen?_

He quickly shakes the thought off and releases the bruised boy’s hands from his as if he were just burned.

“You should put some ice on them when you get back home, Jaemin.” Renjun insists. Renjun quickly shoves the rest of his orange in his mouth and gets up in a quick swift motion.

“Well, I should be getting home now-” Renjun muffles out, trying to swallow down the orange as fast as he possibly can.

“Hey hey hey! I haven’t even finished peeling my orange!” Jaemin whines. He grabs Renjun’s hand and pulls him back down to sit beside him. Renjun is flung right back down next to boy without a choice. He sighs to himself, knowing if he’s with the boy any longer his heart would probably pop straight out of his chest. Unable to take any more of the boy’s addictive presence, Renjun impatiently snatches Jaemin’s orange out of his hands and irritably peels the rest of it in a matter of seconds, not aware of himself muttering Chinese under his breath.

“Here.” Renjun says dryly as he shoves the full orange into Jaemin’s mouth, completely ignoring Jaemin’s startled expression. “Now you’re done.”

“Let’s go,” Is all Renjun says before grabbing Jaemin’s hand and dragging him off his butt towards their apartment.

 

Their walk home is strangely _too_ quiet. Jaemin is walking right beside Renjun, purposefully matching his steps with his while occasionally taking glances at the smaller boy. Usually it isn’t this quiet, and _usually_ Renjun wouldn’t be ignoring him on purpose like this either, but he was getting frustrated. He just couldn’t quite take anymore of the caramel colored haired boy’s incessantly attractive voice and unnaturally small cute stupid face of his.

 _How could anyone’s face be_ that _small?_

Renjun’s eyebrows are still knitted and his face looks way more irritated than he thinks it does.

“Are you mad at me?” Jaemin asks, breaking the deafening silence.

Renjun shakes his head slowly left to right. They continue to walk in silence for a couple steps.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jaemin asks, breaking the silence once more.

Renjun shakes his head slowly left to right.

Jaemin lets out a small sigh. They continue to walk in silence again for a couple more steps.

Unexpectedly, Jaemin reaches out and takes Renjun’s hand into his own.

“Can I hold your hand?” Jaemin asks.

Renjun shakes his head slowly up and down. In defeat, Renjun let’s him.

 

_________

 

Renjun is woken up the next morning— _afternoon_ —by his loud screaming alarm. Renjun shifts to his side and whacks his alarm to sleep. He groans himself awake many many minutes later. He finally attempts to get off the bed, but fails miserably, landing himself with a yelp on the floor. Fully awake now, Renjun quickly checks the time and bolts right up to see that it’s already much past noon.

" _Shit shit shit!"_  Renjun yells out loudly. Frantically, he throws himself into the restroom and gets ready in a matter of minutes. He had completely forgot to set his alarm for a little earlier last night, remembering the conversation he had with Jaemin when they had gotten to their apartment after the bookstore.

 

_“So, what are you up to tomorrow afternoon?”_

_“Not much...why?”_

_“I was wondering if you could help me out with something…”_

_“Hm...what is it?”_

_“Ah...that…” Jaemin scratches the back of his head. “It’s sort of embarrassing...so could I just tell you on the way there tomorrow?”_

_“It’s really important to me...so I really want you to come…but I understand if you can’t make it-”_

_“No, I’ll go. It’s the least I can do...I mean you did sort of save me...twice already.” Renjun politely reminds him._

_“Great. So I’ll just wait up here at noon then?”_

_“Sounds like a plan.”_

 

Renjun feels like the biggest piece of shit for making Jaemin wait this long for him. Renjun quickly checks his phone and notices a couple of missed calls and texts from ‘NaNa’. Screaming internally, Renjun just tosses the phone back onto his bed and rushes to his drawers. Renjun gets dressed in a hurried manner. He looks at his outfit in the mirror and groans in frustration. He changes into a different outfit and looks again.

Another groan…

He changes again.

And yet _another_ groan…

Renjun does this until he finally is pleased with his outfit. Which— _surprise_ —turns out to be the first outfit he had tried on.

Renjun dashes down the flight of stairs hoping Jaemin was still there waiting. Thankfully, he finds a slouched Jaemin sitting down on the very last step.

“Shit, I’m so sorry for making you wait. You should’ve just banged on my door.” Renjun breathes out, a little out of breath from his hectic morning—afternoon. “Did you wait a long time?”

“Renjun! Good morn- afternoon to you too. And no, it’s no problem. I was just playing tetris on my phone. I needed to level up anyways.” Jaemin reassures the concerned smaller boy. “Shall we be on our way then?”

Renjun gives him a thankful smile, nodding while leading the way out of the apartment building.

Finally at the bus stop, Renjun can’t help but ask, “So...where are we exactly going again?”

“You’ll see.” Jaemin says cryptically, the bus they needed to get on magically arriving at the same time as his answer.

Renjun doesn’t like how secretive Jaemin is being with him, but he brushes off the fishy feeling nonetheless.

Jaemin gets on the bus first and before Renjun can even decline, Jaemin scans his bus card twice. He smiles sweetly at a scowling Renjun and starts to walk towards the back of the bus.

Jaemin takes the window seat and Renjun follows right behind him, sliding his way onto the seat right next to the taller boy.

“It'll probably take around thirty-minutes to get there so feel free to take a nap on my shoulder.” Jaemin slyly says while patting his hand on his shoulder.

Renjun scoffs lightly at the confident boy and puts his hands into his pocket to realize he’d forgotten to bring his most treasured and reliable airpods.

“Ah crap...I forgot my airpods…” Renjun says disappointedly.

“Oh no! What ever shall we do!” Jaemin gasps. “Oh wait! Well well well, what do we have here?” Jaemin chirps as he takes out his own earphones from his pocket, heart fluttering about simply just the _idea_ of them sharing them together.

“Good thing I brought my earphones. We can share.” Jaemin assures Renjun with a cheeky smile. Jaemin hands Renjun the other end of his earphones.

Renjun chuckles softly at the enthusiastic smiley boy and takes the other end of the earphone and puts it into his ear.

 

_Like a miracle_

_You came to me_

 

_You hugged me with everything you had_

_I’m missing you when the night comes_

 

_I’m slowly colored_

_Like the scent of the seasonal flowers_

_In my little dream_

_Need you_

_Love you_

_Slowly colored like this_

 

_Your eyes that shine on me_

_Make the warmth that I forgot about_

_Come back into my heart_

 

_I’m slowly colored_

_Like the morning dew rain_

_That falls into my dry heart_

_Slowly colored by you_

 

_I’m colored by you_

_Tears that passed me by_

_And all of the long nights_

_Fade away_

 

_I’m colored by you_

_Like destiny_

_That can’t ever be erased_

 

Too busy looking out the window, Jaemin doesn’t notice the way Renjun tenderly stares at him. Renjun slowly leans his head on Jaemin’s shoulder and closes his eyes the rest of the way.

As they finally reach their long awaited destination, Jaemin grabs Renjun’s hand and rushes them off the bus.

Renjun excitedly looks around and takes in the location he’s been waiting so curiously to know.

“A park?”

“What are we doing at a park?” Renjun asks, genuinely confused.

Jaemin tugs on Renjun’s hand and leads them a few more minutes against the sidewalk with still no answer until they arrive in front of a small convenience store.

“Before I tell or show you anything, we should grab something to eat. I could hear your stomach growl the entire way here.” Jaemin informs a shy Renjun, who was now grabbing onto his shirt.

“Oh...you heard that?”

Jaemin laughs, “It’s okay, I’m starving too.”

They return outside with a sack that contains four rolls of kimbap and two sodas. Jaemin grabs Renjun’s hand once more, becoming slightly attached to the idea of holding the boys hands now, and leads them to an open grassy area at the park to eat their late lunch.

“Okay, now that we’re finished, you _really_ have to tell me what we’re doing here, Jaemin. What was it you needed help with?” Renjun asks, not being able to hold in his curiosity any longer.

“Okay okay...but you have to promise me you won’t laugh.”

“I can’t promise you that, but I'll try my hardest not to.” Renjun says with sincerity and a small laugh that follows.

“Okay…” Jaemin grabs onto Renjun’s hand for the millionth time that day and leads him to the sidewalk area of the park towards what looks like a rental bike rail station.

“So...I was wondering if you knew how to ride a bike...” Jaemin quietly says, a bit shy having to admit his embarrassing secret to the smaller boy.

Immediately, Renjun bursts out in uncontrollable laughter. He continues to laugh until he’s hitting the floor with both of hands, then clenches onto his belly, unable to breathe.

“Okay, now you’re just being mean.” Jaemin says while rolling his eyes, pretending he doesn’t know the boy currently dying on the floor. The people walking past them on the sidewalk give them judgemental glances. Not caring about their stares one bit, Jaemin crouches down next to the hysterical boy and just smiles.

“Is it that funny to you, Huang Injun?”

“You...you...” Renjun tries to start, but fails and starts laughing again, unable to contain himself.

By this point, Jaemin and Renjun are now both sitting down next to each other on the sidewalk, waiting for Renjun to calm down. After Renjun is completely done with his little laughing fit he stands up and brushes the invisible dust off his pants, “Phew, now that I’m finished.” Renjun lends a hand towards Jaemin, ”Na Jaemin, I would be _honored_ to teach you how to ride a bike.”

It takes Na Jaemin approximately only one hour for him to master how to ride a bike. Which was not bad at all in Renjun’s perspective, since it took himself a couple of hours to learn when he was younger. Though Jaemin did fall a couple of times here and there, he immediately got up with that goofy smile of his and kept insisting Renjun he’d try again until he got it.

Jaemin, now currently full of confidence, and slightly already obsessed with bike riding, proposes that the two of them go towards the bridge that leads them to the other side of town.

As they’re nearing the bridge, Jaemin bikes his way next to Renjun’s. The wind is hitting their faces, but despite the tingling sensation on his face he feels absolutely blissful. Jaemin takes a quick glance to his left where Renjun is. He can’t believe how graceful and peaceful Renjun looks under the sun and against the wind. He wonders if this is all a dream. If it is, he hopes that he never wakes up from it. The smile that’s placed on Renjun’s face travels all the way onto Jaemin’s. Jaemin wishes he could just freeze this moment in time and put it safely in his pocket to keep forever. As they bike their way across the empty bridge, Jaemin can’t help but feel like their the only two people left on this world. Maybe it’s the adrenaline from all the biking, or maybe it’s something entirely and completely different, Jaemin can’t exactly place his finger on it. Either way, Jaemin takes that very moment to scream at the top of his lungs the words that were on his heart.

 

“Huang Injun!”

 

“Huang Injun!”

 

“Thank you, Huang Injun!”

 

_________

 

The two boys were finally near the end of the town, which meant their mission was almost accomplished, when all of the sudden Renjun feels something wet drop down onto his face. Looking up, more droplets start to hit his face. Scrunching his face at the unpleasant sensation, Renjun signals Jaemin to a nearby empty bus stop. They place their bikes against the wall of the bus stop and sit down on the bench in silence. The two boys stare at the rain, now steady and pouring down. Usually Renjun hates the rain, but for some reason it looks pretty under the bright sun, an unusual combination that makes it look almost mystical.

“You know...I usually hate the rain...but for some reason it looks so peaceful today.” Renjun admits, hoping Jaemin can hear him through the pouring rain.

One second Jaemin is quietly sitting next to him, and a second later that same Jaemin is dashing into the rain like a mad man.

Renjun sits there stunned, but can't help but stare at the free spirited boy in front of him dancing under the rain. He suddenly can't stop smiling. He wonders when he started to smile like this at this boy. He wonders when the boy dancing under the rain began to mean so much to him. He wonders if it'd be okay to just let go and maybe go dance with him too.

Still stuck in his mind Renjun doesn't realize how close Jaemin’s come to him until the wet boy is pulling on his sleeve.

“Oh no no no no no!” Renjun quickly squeaks out. “Na Jaemin, no!”

Jaemin’s smiling wide like an idiot, drenched in water from head to toe, “Come on Renjun, dance with me! It feels great!”

Renjun bites his lips. He thinks for a second or two before laughing to himself. He grabs Jaemin's hand and pulls him into the rain.

Renjun is dancing and laughing along with Jaemin under the pouring rain.

He closes his eyes and just basks in the rain and in the sun. He breathes out. It’s the first time in a really really long time where he feels like he’s breathing with absolutely no worries. No worries about his future, about his past, about the present. Renjun feels like crying. He feels so happy. Renjun hasn't felt this light in a long long time.

Renjun opens his eyes and there in front of him he sees Jaemin in an identical position as him, his eyes are closed, and he’s smiling under the rain. His smile is a thousand times brighter than the sun in that moment. Renjun looks at Jaemin with the softest eyes and wishes he could stop this moment in place. Jaemin opens his eyes, their eyes locking. They just laugh together. And continue laughing.

 

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

The boys are back under the bus stop, seated on now a soaking wet bench. Both drenched from head to toe, but not caring one bit.

“Do I have something on my face?” Renjun asks Jaemin, who has been staring straight at him for what seems like over a minute now.

“No.”

“Then why are staring at me like that?” Renjun chimes, mood still over the moon, adrenaline slowly dissipating. “Am I that pretty?” Renjun jokingly asks, giggling.

“Yes.”

Renjun’s smile falters a bit at Jaemin’s unexpected response and immediately Renjun’s face turns bright red.

Jaemin chuckles. Renjun punches Jaemin’s shoulders.

“Owww! Hey hey hey! You were the one who asked!” Jaemin reminds Renjun, rubbing his shoulder.

“Shut up…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “falling into you" by min chae  
> [❊](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2r7lbeseco)


	4. ❊

 

_________

 

Jaemin enters the classroom, eyes immediately going towards Renjun’s seat to find it strangely empty. It was odd that the boy who usually never skipped a single class was suddenly the only student in the classroom who was missing. Jaemin thinks back to the weekend they had just recently spent together under the sun and rain. He hadn’t remembered Renjun saying anything about not coming to school on Monday. A little troubled at the thought and at the empty presence of Renjun, he goes up to a rough looking Haechan, his deskmate.

“Hey, Haechan.” Jaemin says loud enough to grab the attention of the disheveled looking class president.

“What do you want, satan.” Haechan sharply responds unenthusiastically with no emotion in his eyes.

“You know...I still can’t figure out why you hate my guts so much...” Jaemin questions, looking as if he was thinking really hard through his memories.

“You know, maybe if you had more than one brain cell in that small brain of yours, you could actually try guessing!” Haechan says in a sarcastically cheery voice.

“Wait. Don’t tell me you’re still hellbent over that one time I rejected you freshman year.” Jaemin remarks while chuckling softly at the memory.

“Wow, Jaemin. I am actually genuinely impressed by the fact that you may actually have TWO brain cells in that small little brain of yours!” Haechan replies back just as sarcastically, in the same cheery voice of his. “At least the demon inside of you remembers!” Haechan says hands clasping together in congrats.

Jaemin scoffs at Haechan’s brutally common comments. “Ha ha ha, very funny. Anyways I was just wondering if you knew where Renjun was.” Jaemin finally asks, getting to the question he was here for in the first place for.

“Honestly...I would tell you, but I actually don't know myself. That damn boy still hasn't given me his number.” Haechan says in a disappointed and a disapproving tone that seemed to be geared towards the missing boy.

Jaemin feels a little giddy inside him knowing that he had gotten a hold of the smaller boy’s number all by himself. Jaemin thanks Haechan, despite the bickering that came before and after it, and sits himself back in his seat next to the windows and pulls out his phone.

 

To: Injunnie

From: NaNa

Hey, where are you?

 

Jaemin puts his phone down on his desk and waits for a reply. A moment later his phone bell chimes.

 

From: Injunnie

To: NaNa

Heyyyyy I’m actually home right now....Ah, I think I caught something from the rain on Saturday…

 

To: Injunnie

From: NaNa

What? So are you sick?

 

From: Injunnie

To: NaNa

Yeaa aaaa...I think soo... I’ve had a fever since Saturday night and I can’t stop coughing and sneezing ugh this is actually the worst!. How are you feeling, are you ok?

 

To: Injunnie

From: NaNa

Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, class is starting soon so I’ll see you later

 

From: Injunnie

To: NaNa

m’kay...take care of yourself today…

 

_________

 

Renjun picks up his phone from his lamp stand and unlocks his screen once again to read his messages to Jaemin _again_. He had reread the messages from earlier this morning for what seems like a thousand times now. He groans to himself. He looks at the last message he sent Jaemin. Renjun groans loudly at himself again while sniffling, snot running down his nose. He quickly grabs a tissue and blows his nose for what seems like the millionth time that morning and trashes it into his overflowing trash can full of snot and tissues.

“Should I have not sent that?” Renjun ponders out loud. “Ugh...why did you send that..."

Renjun groans again while flinging himself into his bed. He starts to wrap himself in a burrito with his blankets. “At least I’m safe here in burrito of blankets….safe and sound...far far away...no Na Jaemin to be embarrassed in front of...” Renjun sighs happily, snuggling deeper into his garden of blankets.

Renjun is closing his heavy eyes, his sickness making him more groggy and sleepier than ever. Almost fully asleep, Renjun is startled back to life from the loud knocks that barrage his door.

“What in the world?” Renjun confusedly and sleepingly gets up from his bed, bringing along his garden of blankets towards the front door. He silently curses the apartment designers for not including a peep hole in the door. Starting to feel anxious, like he always did when opening his door, Renjun begins unlocking the locks slowly.

He opens the door to find Na Jaemin in his school uniform with a sack in each hand.

“Jaemin???” Renjun exclaims, voice hoarse from all his coughing. “What are you doing here?” He squeaks out accusingly.

Jaemin laughs at the sight in front of him. Renjun’s hair is sticking up in all directions under his blanket that’s wrapped around him, making him look like a burrito. His eyes and nose are bright red and he can see his snot slowly starting to drip down his nose.

“Wow, Injun. You look great!” Jaemin exclaims, scanning the smaller boy from head to toe. He brings up the sacks in his hands in the air to show Renjun. “I brought you some porridge and ice cream for the sickness that dared to plague you on this fine day.”

“What about school?” Renjun sniffles out, absolutely not done interrogating the taller boy.

“Meh, it was boring today, especially without you there.”

“B-but…”

“Are you gonna let me in or do I have to feed you this soup from the doorway?” Jaemin asks as he slowly makes his way inside past a frozen Renjun.

Renjun is still frozen to do anything until Jaemin is already making his way into his home like someone who lived there. Jaemin sets the sacks on top of the dinner table and begins to look around the small apartment.

“Jaemin, you should really get back to school...I thought if you got another absence you had bathroom duty for the rest of the year…” Renjun reminds the caramel color haired boy who was too occupied looking around his home.

“You think I would choose no bathroom duty over you? What do you peg me as, Renjun? I would DIE for you, Renjun. I would choose bathroom duty for an ETERNITY for you, Renjun. I would-”

“Okay okay okay, I get it! Bathroom duty for the rest of the year it is for Na Jaemin…” Renjun sighs out.

Jaemin chuckles to himself, still looking around. He stops in his tracks when he notices a small area with what looks like thousands of drawings and paintings hung snug against the wall.

“Injunnie, did you draw these?” Jaemin asks in awe, tracing his fingers lightly against the paintings nearest towards him.

Renjun walks towards Jaemin while nervously laughing out. “Y-yeah...I did…”

“Ah...I wish you hadn’t seen those...I really hate showing people my work…” Renjun admits, still flustered at someone else’s peering eyes on his personal work.

Art was special to Renjun. It was maybe the only way he could truly express himself without feeling like there was an obligatory audience. It was all for him. And only him. He loved it. It was a way he could escape reality without having to disappear anywhere. On those white sheets of paper were every bit of Renjun. His tears, his smiles, his pain, his comfort. Sharing any bit of it felt as if he was sharing himself. He felt oddly exposed all of the sudden.

“Well you shouldn't. These are amazing, Renjun.”

Renjun whips his head up towards Jaemin. He’s too shocked to say anything. No one’s ever told Renjun that his work was good. Maybe that was due to no one really ever seeing his work in the first place. Minus Winwin, but that barely counted because Winwin was use to all his younger brother’s art and wild imagination since he was a child. But even so, it meant the world to Renjun to hear those words, especially coming from Jaemin.

“Y-you really think so?”

“I _know_ so. You could honestly make a living off of these.” Jaemin says with all sincerity, eyes never leaving the wall full of art.

Renjun flushes at his comment and basks in the attention he’s receiving. Renjun walks his way next to an awestruck Jaemin and chuckles at his expression.

“I’ve always loved to draw ever since I could pick up a crayon. It was almost as if it was my way of talking. It’s always been like that. I think I’ve drawn and painted more things in my life then I've actually spoken to people.” Renjun confesses out while laughing at the wild statement.

“I guess my dream is to open up my own art gallery eventually. And be an artist, I suppose.” Renjun quietly admits out. Renjun sighs. “But that’s just my dream. I know it’ll never happen.”

“Hey hey...why such a debbie downer? Renjun, you’re really good. Like, _really_ good. And I’m not just saying that because it’s you. You really are good, Renjun. Don’t put yourself down like that. As long as you have one person behind you supporting your work, that should be enough for you to continue pursuing your dream. Know that I will always be that one person.”

Renjun smiles at Jaemin. What did he do in his past life to deserve him?

“And know that you have your first fan right here too. Don’t forget me when you become rich and famous.” Jaemin laughs out, smiling down brightly towards an equally bright and smiling Renjun.

 

  
“Say ahhh..." Jaemin coos as he tries to feed a spoonful of porridge to the sick and sniffling smaller boy sitting next to him at the dinner table.

“Jaemin, I’m not a baby. I can eat it myself. It's not like I cut my arm off, I literally just have a cold.” Renjun reminds him while grimacing at the spoon placed in front of him.

“Renjun...can you just open your mouth. It's my fault your sick in the first place. I was the one who dragged you in the rain. This is the _least_ I can do for you.” Jaemin retaliates, unwilling to move the spoon anywhere other than where it was now.

“Technically, _I_ dragged myself and you back into the rain-”

“Just open your mouth-” Jaemin says as he tries shoving the spoon into Renjun’s closed mouth. Renjun doesn't budge open his mouth one bit, but Jaemin doesn't budge moving the spoon either. The two stubborn boys continue to bicker and shout about feeding who and not feeding who until the porridge that was once nicely placed inside the bowl is now scattered all around the table, all over the floor, all over Renjun’s face, _and_ all over Jaemin’s hair.

 

“Well.”

“This is nice.”

“At least I tried.”

 

“..................Na Jaemin, I hate you.”

 

_________

 

Renjun let’s Jaemin wash up in his washroom from all the porridge being stuck against and in his hair. The two boys had apologized to each other instantly and laughed it off while cleaning up the mess right away. Renjun was back in his bed, trying not to fall asleep from his tiredness while waiting for Jaemin to come back out from the washroom.

He closes his eyes for a brief moment before opening them back, eyes only staring straight at the door that would lead to Jaemin. He closes his eyes once more, but can't seem to open them back up this time. Without realizing, Renjun’s tiredness is drifting him off to sleep.

Renjun slowly opens his eyes. His head still feels groggy, but he feels much better than he did this morning. He had totally forgotten about Jaemin in the washroom and flinches when he realizes a presence besides him. He looks down to a sleeping Jaemin on the floor against his bed. Jaemin’s head of caramel hair is flopped on his bed and his hand is loosely wrapped around his own.

Renjun smiles at the boy and softly grabs the sleeping boy’s hand just a tad tighter, not wanting to wake him up from his peaceful slumber. The room is fairly quiet, all for the sound of the breeze wisping in and out through the open porch door and the sound of birds chirping here and there. The day is still bright outside and the warm hue of the room lulls Renjun back to sleep in a matter of seconds.

Renjun’s cold and fever disappears in a matter of days, but that didn't stop Jaemin from coming over every single day until he was better after school to bring him porridge and _try_ his best to feed him without getting the soup in his hair or on Renjun’s face.

 

_________

 

The weeks were going by as quickly as the changing weather, but Jaemin didn't fail to notice the change in Renjun’s mood by each passing week.  

He tried asking once about it, but the smaller boy had just quickly dismissed him and told him not to worry about it.

The two are walking home together after school, just like usually any other day. Jaemin can't help but notice the difference in Renjun, especially today. Every passing week he noticed the smaller boy’s mood shift and change, for the worse. He seemed more anxious and on edge about everything. Lately, it's gotten to the point where he had even missed school two days in a row. When he tried to approach him before class this morning Renjun had completely ignored the boy and quietly kept to himself throughout the entire day. Now that school was over and it was just the two of them walking home he took the opportunity to ask Renjun properly about the real reason to why he missed school.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jaemin asks for the millionth time on their way home.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn't I be?” Renjun replies quietly, barely audible.

“Are you sure there isn't anything you want to tell me?”

“Huh? W-why do you ask?” Renjun nervously questions the taller.

“I don't know...it just feels like you've been sort of off lately…” Jaemin softly says in sincerity, worried about the smaller boy next to him.

“Oh...I mean...I just really have a lot of thoughts on my mind lately. I'm really busy thinking of concepts for my current art project...since I joined the art club recently, you know…” Renjun unconfidently admits, trying his best to cover up any hesitation in his white lie.

“Okay...I guess so…” Jaemin says in defeat, not wanting to pry anymore than he already is. “You know you can tell me anything right?” Jaemin reminds Renjun.

“Yeah, I know.” Renjun finishes.

“Okay, good.”

Renjun nervously bites on his lips. Worried that if he says any more he would spill everything to the taller caramel colored hair boy walking beside him.

 

The first time it happened he brushed it off as if it were nothing. He thought to himself it was just this one time. And that he was fully capable in ignoring it without making it into something he didn't want to be involved in.

The first time it happened he was outside at the backyard courtyard. He had clean up duty that day and was assigned the rusty old backyard to clean up on his own.

Renjun sighs in frustration as he takes his mask off of his face. Even though the mask was given to him to block all the dust from his face, it was more stressful and harder to breathe in the damn thing than it was helping him.

Renjun keeps his gloves on and continues to sweep the dusty and dirty corners of the courtyard. He goes towards the crowded corner where the trash is placed and places another bag of leaves into the big trash bin. All done for the day, Renjun brushes his hands together and trashes the dirty used gloves into the trash bin along with the mask. He breathes out a deep sigh and turns around to finally head back inside.

Renjun is startled to turn around to be faced with a group of three girls.

He immediately notices the girl in the very front. The petite girl’s hair is blonde and Renjun remembers her from the beginning of the school year when he had accidentally bumped into Jaemin while the two were in what seemed like a tense conversation.

He had no clue to who the two girls beside her were. One of the girls looked awfully taller than Renjun and had short black straight hair that barely touched her shoulders. The other girl was around the same height as Renjun and had her ashy brown hair in neat braids. One thing Renjun immediately realized on all three of them was the nasty expression across their faces while staring at him.

“Uh...excuse me.” Renjun says politely trying to get past the three girls, not having a good feeling about the situation by the expressions on their faces. He tries to get past them when the blonde girl in the front suddenly yanks him back to his original spot.

“Shut the fuck up.” The blonde girl spits out.

Renjun, frozen in spot, eyes wide in shock, is unable to say anything in response to her sudden outburst.

“I’ve been hearing some things. And I heard Na Jaemin and you have been hanging around each other a lot lately.” The blonde girl says sharply. “I’m only giving you one warning, when you get the chance. So listen carefully,” The girl mocks, speaking slowly as if he was a child who couldn't understand.

The girl with the braids scoffs while glaring at him, “Can he even understand Korean?”

The two girls behind the blonde petite laugh in unison. Renjun’s blood is on fire, but he keeps his mouth shut.

“Listen carefully,” the blonde petite repeats again, accentuating each word. “Back off.”

  

The second time it happened, he had told himself if it happened one more time he would do something about it. Whether that was tell a teacher, his brother, or even Jaemin for his own sake.

The second time it happened he was walking out of the restroom during the break time. He was met with the blonde haired petite girl outside of the restroom. He found out earlier that week that her name was Minjee, who was the same age and in the same grade as Renjun and Jaemin.

Renjun notices that this time Minjee isn't accompanied by her two trusty sidekicks. He mentally sighs, not wanting to face not only one, but three intimidating ruthless bullies.

 

“Could you move out of my way.” Renjun confidently says at the petite blonde girl.

Before Renjun can even say any more or try and walk past the blonde girl, she harshly pushes Renjun back into the boys bathroom.

“I thought I told you to fucking get lost, you stupid little Chinese bitchass.”

Renjun closes his mouth shut into a hard line. And is once again frozen in shock from the smaller girl’s vulgar words. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel threatened a bit by the smaller girl. Renjun clenches both of his fists and stands absolutely still in place. He knew this girl had no shame.

“You're really beginning to get on my god damn nerves, you know that?” The blonde girl spits out.

“How many times am I going to have to tell you to get lost?”

Renjun breathes in deeply as the girl continues to continuously push her finger into his shoulder as she continues to spit out harsh unwanted words into his face.

“Are you going to cry? Are you going to cry like a little baby?”

Renjun continues to stay quiet. Honestly, he truthfully didn't know what to do at this point. He wasn't scared enough to cry from fear or anything, but he felt beyond frustrated. How could someone be so ruthless to someone they didn't even know? All because of one boy? All because of Na Jaemin? Was this normal? Was this normal for anyone who was close with Na Jaemin? If this was, Renjun was beginning to question some things to himself.

Renjun shoves the girl’s finger off of his shoulder.

“Don't fucking touch me.” Renjun spits back. He's honestly had enough of this girl.

“I don't know what your fucking problem is, but last time I heard, you don't own Jaemin. He can hang out with whoever he wants. It's none of your business to begin with. How about you stop bullying people and actually do something with your life.”

Renjun shoves the petite girl out of his way with his shoulder and quickly escapes the bathroom before the crazy girl can say or do anything about it. Renjun visibly sighs once he's in his classroom and notices that his hands are shaking from the encounter.

 

The third time it happened Renjun wondered what he did to deserve this. He wondered if being with Jaemin was worth all of this. It was becoming to get all too overwhelming for Renjun to handle. He was anxious every morning he got to school, trying to avoid any sign of the yellow haired girl. And would only look forward for the last bell all day signaling that school was finally over.

The third time it happened he was outside at the backyard courtyard again for clean up duty. He had begged Haechan to come with him, despite being the class president which meant he didn't get any cleaning duties since he was the one who assigned everyone in the first place. Feeling that something was off with Renjun, Haechan agreed to go with him after the first time he asked.

 

“You know, Renjun. I feel like you should appreciate me more as a friend, _for real._..” Haechan grimaces while picking up what looked like aged cheese from one of the corners of the courtyard. Haechan makes a disgusted face and pretends to gag.

“Wow, actually...I take that back...Renjun thank you for sacrificing your life in order to clean this disgusting piece of a shit like place.. _.for free_ …” Haechan drops the mysterious aged cheese item back on the floor where he found it and runs towards where Renjun is standing.

Renjun is zoned out and looking at the trash bin when Haechan waves his hands in the air to catch the dazed boy’s attention.

“You okay?” Haechan asks, a tad concerned.

“Oh, sorry. What was that?” Renjun asks while shaking his head, bringing himself back to reality.

“I said, you okay?” Haechan repeats, definitely concerned.

Renjun nods his head in response.

“Renjun, if anything’s wrong just let me know okay? You’ve been acting really strange recently...and I don’t like it one bit.” Haechan grumbles.

All Renjun does is nod his head in response again.

The two boys are almost done finishing up cleaning, _what they can at least_ , and begin to clean the last corner of the courtyard when someone calls Haechan’s voice from afar.

Renjun turns his head to the voice calling Haechan’s name from afar. He squints his eyes from not being able to see the person’s face, but he can’t seem to shake off the weird feeling. The figure gets a bit closer and Renjun’s heartbeats shoots up when he clearly makes out the yellow head of hair, registering who the person is in an instant.

Renjun, suddenly out of breath, grabs onto Haechan’s arm with both hands tightly. “Haechan, d-don’t go. H-haechan, please. D-don’t go. D-don’t leave me. Haechan, p-please.”

Haechan, confused by the boy’s sudden change in mood and the death grip on his arm, quickly turns to face Renjun, “Renjun, what’s wrong?”

The girl continues to call Haechan’s name from afar repeatedly.

“Renjun, let go. One of the students is calling me, I have to go check out to see what they want-”

“No! No, Haechan, p-please. Just don’t go, please. Don’t leave me.” Renjun sputters out, voice quivering.

Haechan hesitantly pushes Renjun’s grip off of his arm. “Renjun, I-I’m sorry...I have to go see what they want, I’m the class president after all. I-I’ll be right back, I promise, okay?” Haechan reassures, already running towards the girl in the distance.

Renjun stands absolutely still, unknowingly holding in his breath. He does nothing as Haechan starts running towards the girl. He sees the two converse with each other. Haechan then starts jogging back into the school building, leaving the girl and Renjun behind.

The girl begins to walk her way towards Renjun. The girl gets closer and closer and so does the visibility of her bright blonde hair.

The blonde petite girl smiles at Renjun.

“Are you scared of me?” The girl asks Renjun in a steady voice.

Renjun has trouble breathing properly and begins to clench his fists together. These past weeks have been hell for Renjun. All thanks to the small petite blonde girl in front of him. At first, Renjun felt nothing. He wasn’t concerned, he didn’t care, and he sure as hell wasn’t scared. But at that very moment, Renjun genuinely for the first time felt scared of the smaller girl’s presence.

“I-I should really be going…” Renjun whispers out.

“Renjun, aren’t you proud of me though? I’ve finally done something with my life, like you said to.” The girl says while smiling. She looked like a complete psycho. “I decided from that day forward to make your life a living hell.”

Renjun bites his lips. Renjun thinks to himself that if he doesn’t get the fuck out of there something was going to happen. Whether that was on her part or his own.

With the courage left inside of him, Renjun tries to make his way past the smaller girl in front of him. Unsurprisingly, Minjee grabs Renjun’s arm and shoves him back to the spot he was in.

Renjun winces from the harsh pain in his arm.

“I don’t know why you even bother.” The girl chuckles out.

“What the fuck is actually wrong with you?” Renjun asks raising his voice slightly. His fists are still clenched tightly beside him and his eyebrows are knit together, creating a scowl on his face.

“Why do you even ask when you know the answer? I’ve told you a million times now, Renjun-”

“I already told you! Na Jaemin doesn’t even-”

Before Renjun can even finish his sentence he feels a sharp pain spread across the left side of his face.

“Don’t say his name with your dirty mouth.”

Renjun bites his lips down as hard as he can as tears start to spill down his red face.

“If you tell anyone about any of this you’re dead.” Is all the blonde petite says before disappearing into the school building, leaving a shaken Renjun alone to himself.

 

Renjun doesn’t show up to school the next two days. The first reason being too afraid to be in the same place as the petite blonde girl, scared of the thought of even having to breathe in the same vicinity as her. The second reason being unable to face Jaemin with his still bruised red face, not wanting to have to explain what had happened in the courtyard. The third reason being sure that if Renjun had shown Haechan the state he was in right now he was completely and fully sure that boy would do something he regretted towards the blonde petite girl. He knew Haechan would be smart enough to figure out and puzzle things out as soon as he saw his face.

 

Renjun is lost in his thoughts and in the recent memories when Jaemin pulls his wrist, a little harsher than he intended to. Jaemin twirls Renjun back from the edge of the road straight into his chest.

“Injun-ah! What are you doing? You almost got hit by that motorbike!” Jaemin snaps out, concern spreading all over his face. “What’s really gotten into you lately?”

Renjun, strangely unsurprised by the events, just closes his eyes and leans further into Jaemin’s chest. He takes a deep big breath and breathes in Jaemin’s familiar vanilla honey scent. Jaemin pulls him into his chest tighter and wraps his arms tighter around the smaller boy.

 

_________

 

The weekend comes quicker than Renjun expects, but he couldn’t be more happy about it. He stretches out his arms towards the sky and tries to yawn away the rest of his morning sleepiness. He thinks back to Monday after school when Jaemin had told him to clear his weekend plans for the two of them. Renjun continued and questionly asked throughout the week what Jaemin was planning, but the taller boy wouldn’t budge one bit. When Friday afternoon came, Jaemin had out of nowhere started to giggle to himself, clapping his hands together while walking home. Impatient and slightly irritated at the secretive boy, Renjun blackmailed Jaemin into telling him his—now not so secret—plans.

 

_“Jaemin, I swear, if you don’t tell me what you’re up to I’m going to delete your number and never pick up ever again!” Renjun swore. The smaller boy knew he wasn’t being fair, but what could he do about it? He was stubborn as a mule._

_Jaemin whines and in defeat spills his plans, “You know, sometimes you’re the worst.”_

_Renjun scowls at Jaemin and the taller boy quickly laughs while adding, “Kidding…”_

_“I just...I mean, you’ve just been so down lately...I thought we could just do something nice together tomorrow. You know...take you out on a date and stuff…” Jaemin finally confesses._

_A date?_

_He said date, right? I didn’t mishear him, right?_

_Renjun stops in his tracks and looks at Jaemin with an expressionless face._

_Jaemin stops next to him, blinking excessively at the smaller expressionless boy next to him._

_“What are you making that face for…” Jaemin questions. “So…?”_

_Renjun gulps. “I...would love to.”_

_Jaemin’s smile that follows Renjun’s answer is blinding and Renjun can’t help but smile back._

 

Renjun gets dressed and ready in no time and dashes out of his home and down the steps to an awaiting certain caramel color haired boy. 

The date had consisted of a sweet picnic at the park they frequently visited together. Jaemin had personally packed a homemade meal for the two of them and Renjun was blown away at how good Jaemin’s cooking actually was. Jaemin had also whined to Renjun about wanting to ride bikes until Renjun gave up and eventually allowed him to continue forth with his obsession. It was Renjun’s fault for teaching the slightly taller boy how to ride it in the first place anyways.

They had biked for an hour or so before Renjun had wailed out of breath to a perfectly fine, in sharp conditioned, Jaemin, telling him if he rode any more he would pass out and die. Renjun was always so dramatic when it came to his physical state. What could he do about it? He absolutely hated any type of physical activity.

The rest of the day passes by faster than they expect and for their last and final stop of the date, Jaemin decides to take them to a watch a movie together at a nearby theatre. Jaemin made sure it was a movie Renjun liked and told him to pick out whatever he wanted to watch. Renjun, a naturally indecisive person, took exactly ten full minutes to choose the movie, only to immediately change it last minute to the first one Jaemin suggested. Jaemin found Renjun’s bickering with himself quite cute and amusing and let the smaller boy take his time—not knowing it would take him ten full minutes.

The two boys chat with each other while walking inside the chilly theatre and stand in line to order some popcorn and drinks before heading into their respective showing.

“Are you scared?” Jaemin whispers into Renjun’s ear.

“What? Me? No? Of course not?” Renjun nervously chuckles out. Renjun had chosen out a horror film, knowing well he hated them, but it really seemed like Jaemin wanted to watch the newly anticipated film.

Jaemin chuckles out at the fidgeting smaller boy beside him.

“Don’t worry, you got me!” Jaemin says firmly, pounding his fist into his chest for emphasis.

Renjun laughs at the silly boy. “Hey, actually I think I’m going to go use the bathroom real quick before the movie!” Renjun chirps.

 

Renjun finishes up using the bathroom and starts to make his way back towards the popcorn line. Renjun’s too busy drying the rest of the water left on his hands on the edge of his shirt to notice the events unfolding right in front of his eyes. Renjun looks up and immediately stops in his tracks.

He wants to puke.

In the end, it was always her for some reason.

That same blonde petite girl that had been torturously bullying Renjun for the past month, that same blonde petite girl that made Renjun’s life a living hell, that same blonde petite girl’s lips that were directly on Jaemin’s lips.

Renjun doesn’t even spare a second look at the two before he dashes for the exit.

Jaemin harshly pushes the blonde petite girl off of him in an instant and catches in the corner of his eyes Renjun running off towards the exit.

“Fuck!” Is all Jaemin yells out before pushing past the girl and the crowd that was in the way.

 

Renjun runs down the stairs as fast as he can and pushes the door that leads him out of the theatre. He’s trying his best to hold his tears in when he starts to hear his name being called loudly behind him.

“Renjun! Renjun!” Jaemin shouts, trying to catch up with the smaller boy.

“Let me explain,” Jaemin finally breathes out when he’s gotten to Renjun, completely out of breath from running as fast as he could, not wanting the smaller boy to escape from his grasp.

“Renjun, let me explain! It’s not what it looked like.” Jaemin firmly claims.

Renjun scoffs and keeps walking, ignoring the boy as best he can.

Jaemin grabs onto the smaller boy’s wrist, “Renjun wait, please just let me explain-”

Renjun pushes Jaemin's hand off of his wrist roughly and turns around to face him, eyes red and watering.

“There's nothing for you to explain.” Renjun softly says, voice quivering.

“Ren-”

“Just!”

Renjun sighs, shoulders visibly sagging down along with his shaky breath, “Just leave me alone.”

“ _Please_.”

Renjun turns around and walks away.

Jaemin sighs in frustration and curses under his breath while watching Renjun become smaller and smaller until he's out of sight.

 


	5. ❊

 

_________

 

Renjun gives Jaemin absolutely no mercy for the repulsive scene he had to witness this past weekend at the movie theatre. He immediately blocked Jaemin’s number on his phone and told Haechan first thing Monday morning, no matter what, not to let Jaemin near him or talk to him. With that said, the following week consisted of a Renjun that no one could get past through, especially Jaemin.

Every time Jaemin even tried approaching him or even just walked his way Renjun would immediately turn the other way and did whatever it took to ignore the caramel colored haired boy completely.

Let’s just say Renjun was entirely and fully done with Na Jaemin. Renjun was done. He was done with his stupid face. He was done with the stupid boy’s contagious smile. He was done with the stupid banana milk’s he never asked for. He was done with the stupid sweater vests he wore even when the weather was warm. He was done with the stupid intoxicating scent of vanilla and honey he carried everywhere with him. He was done with the frustrating questions that swarmed his head daily. And he was especially done with the bullying that came with him. He was done with Na Jaemin.

What did he even expect?

Did he expect Jaemin to actually give a shit about him and start to like him and give him all this attention to him, for what? Just because they walked home together? Just because they were neighbors? He should have known better. He should have listened to Haechan. He should have listened to himself. He should have kept his promise to himself. Not to get attached. And maybe all of this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Maybe if he had just kept to himself none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t be in this position.

Renjun should have known better. He should have known Jaemin was like this to begin with. He should have known Jaemin was probably like this to all the other girls and boys before him. He should have known this was in his nature. He should have known, so he didn’t have to fall for him and his tricks. He felt so dumb.

But he knew he should have still given Jaemin a chance to explain himself. He knew he was being beyond irrational and stubborn. He knew there was a high possibility it was all just a misunderstanding. He knew all of this. But Renjun hated setting himself up for disappointment. He hated having high hopes. And he thought that maybe this was for the best. For the both of them. No more Na Jaemin meant no more bullying. No more Na Jaemin meant no more hurt Renjun. No more Na Jaemin meant same old Renjun. The same old Renjun he was use to. The same old Renjun he was always comfortable with being.

Although Renjun told himself all of this, not being able to look at him, think about him, talk to him, and be with the caramel colored haired boy was so much harder than Renjun thought it out to be.

The hardest part was his walk back home every day after school. What once use to be his favorite part of the day now became the most dreaded part of the day. At first he didn’t know what to do. He had to go home, but he wanted to avoid the caramel colored haired boy at all costs. The first few days Jaemin continued to walk behind him, trying every chance he got to explain to the smaller boy. Renjun soon got annoyed and began to stay after school for an hour before he went home just to avoid the boy. The lengths Renjun went to…

 

Renjun puts his art brushes into his cubby and begins to pack his things to leave for the day. He started spending more and more time in the art room day after day. At first it was to avoid a certain boy, but now he started to genuinely enjoy spending his time here after school. He hadn’t realized all the supplies the school provided for the art students and spent his free time creating intricate pieces.

The expressionless boy leaves the art room and starts heading towards the front of the school entrance to be on his way. Renjun’s looking down at this feet, quietly noticing he had gotten some yellow paint on the tip of his shoes. He reminds himself to clean that off once he got home. Looking up, Renjun immediately freezes in his spot.

Renjun didn’t realize until at that moment he hadn’t properly looked at Jaemin for over almost what seemed like a week now. Renjun knew one thing for sure, he never really got use to the school’s infamous flower boy’s face. Na Jaemin had the strange ability to always take the smaller boy’s breath away, no matter what he felt towards the taller boy.

Still not wanting to deal with the stupid boy, Renjun rolls his eyes and attempts to walk past the slightly taller boy in front of him.

Jaemin lets out a deep sigh and quickly turns around to grab onto Renjun’s wrist gently.

“Injun-ah...”

Renjun immediately shoves Jaemin’s hand off his wrist with no word.

Jaemin quickly grabs onto Renjun’s wrist gently one more time.

“Injun-"

“Don’t touch me.” Renjun spits out while shoving Jaemin’s hand off once again, a scowl starting to paint across his face.

“Could you just-” Jaemin begins as he grabs onto Renjun’s wrist one last time.

“I said not to touch me!” Renjun barks.

“Hey, is everything alright here?”

The two tense boys look towards the intruding voice on their left to see a boy around their same height. Renjun notices he has pitch black hair and a small prominent mole under his right eye. He immediately recognizes him as Lee Jeno, a fairly popular guy from the classroom across from them.

“Everything’s just _fine_.” Renjun sharply says, eyes avoiding Jaemin completely. Renjun pulls his wrist harshly away from Jaemin’s grip and walks towards the direction opposite of their apartment.

 

Renjun keeps walking, not exactly sure where he’s headed to, but continues to walk as far away as he can away from the caramel colored haired boy. He continues to walk against the side of the unfamiliar road when he begins to feel a presence behind him. Paranoid in thinking it’s Jaemin, Renjun quickly takes a glance behind him to see the boy from earlier, Lee Jeno, walking close behind.

Renjun looks forward, brushes it off, and continues to walk. Renjun looks back again a moment later to see Lee Jeno still following close behind him.

With a scowl on his face, Renjun abruptly stops in his tracks and turns towards the rather annoying presence behind him.

“Could you quit following me?” Renjun snaps out sharply.

“Oh...uh...sorry. I didn’t mean to seem like I was following you…” The startled boy, Lee Jeno, says. “It’s just that...the way to my house is this way…” The black haired boy says politely while pointing behind Renjun, his voice still a little shaken from the hot tempered boy in front of him.

 _Of course it was_ …

Renjun breathes out a small sigh. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to sound rude...” Renjun quietly whispers out.

“Hey, no problem.” Jeno reassures him with a smile.

Renjun politely returns a short smile back and turns around to continue walking, his destination still quite unclear.

Jeno carefully catches up towards the boy and cautiously glances towards the glum looking boy now beside him.

“Bad day?”

“Bad week.” Renjun sighs out. “Actually, cross that out. Bad life.”

Jeno chuckles out. “I hear you…”

“Jeno, right?” Renjun slowly asks after a moment of silence.

“Yeah!” Jeno confirms in a cheery voice.

“Renjun.” Renjun offers.

“I know.” Jeno instantaneously says, softly smiling towards the ground

Renjun stares at the boy, a bit startled at his response. He never thought in a million years anyone other than Jaemin, Haechan, and his bullies would know his name.

The two boys approach what looks like a gated home at the corner of the street. Jeno slowly stops in front of the green gated door and turns towards a quiet Renjun.

“Well, this is my stop. It was nice talking to you, Renjun.” Jeno chimes.

“Likewise…” Renjun says softly.

Jeno smiles. “I’ll see you around?”

Renjun nods in response with a small smile.

 

_________

  

“Sooooo…you and Jeno?”

“What? What about me and Jeno?” Renjun asks, a bit confused.

Renjun and Haechan are eating Haechan’s famously rare packaged sausages next to the windows in their classroom. The class was currently on break and most of the students were outside watching the soccer players practice for their important upcoming match, minus a few students hanging around, scattered here and there.

Haechan takes another bite of his sausage while pointing his head outside the window. Renjun follows Haechan’s gaze and looks down to see a sweaty Lee Jeno, captain of the soccer team, drinking out of his water bottle next to the bench.

Haechan looks back towards Renjun and wiggles his eyebrows, “ _You_ and _Jeno_.”

Renjun shakes his head and scoffs at the cheeky boy’s suggestive hint in his tone of voice.

“It’s not like that.” Renjun plainly clarifies, taking another bite of the sort of bland sausage. Now that he thought about it, he didn't actually really like the taste of the strange special packaged sausage. He could never tell Haechan that though, he would definitely freak out and whine about it to him for the rest of his life.

“Don't think I don't see you talking and hanging around that boy more and more, Renjun.” Haechan points out.

“It's not like that. We're just friends.” Renjun clarifies once more, stoically.

Renjun looks back out the window again to look at Jeno running back into the hectic field.

The two had started to frequently run into each other after school and it slowly became a small habit of Renjun to walk towards the new path, which happened to be the same path Jeno took after soccer practice. He found out later that apparently Jeno was captain of the school’s soccer team and that he had practice after school every day. Renjun, still escaping to the art room after school, didn't mind the company of Jeno when it was time for him to go home. They soon quickly became friends and honestly, Renjun didn't mind the other boy’s company at all. Jeno was a nice boy, Renjun soon realized, and he had a special  ability to make him feel comfortable despite the fact they've known each other for such a small time. It was strange how easy it was to become friends with the boy. Renjun always had a hard time making friends since he was younger, but he was appreciative at the natural way the boy fit into his life, especially during this time.

 

“Okayyy, then you and _Jaemin_?”

Renjun sighs and rolls his eyes, “It’s _definitely_ not like that.”

Haechan scoffs, “Huang Renjun, don't give me that bullshit. I see you look at him every chance you get. And as much as I hate Jaemin and his ugly little guts, I don't like you moping around looking like someone kicked your puppy in the face.” Haechan admits. “Something is _definitely_ wrong.”

“What happened?” Haechan carefully asks.

“Nothing happened.” Renjun sharply breathes out. “I don't know.” He quickly shakes his head and takes another deep sigh. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“Okayyy. Fine.”

“But you're going to have to eventually face it. Whatever it might be…” Haechan reminds him.

“And like I said before, I’ll beat up anyone for you if I gotta.” Haechan adds confidently. Throwing his hands in the air, making boxing motions.

Renjun chuckles out and smiles at his friend across from him, “Thanks, Haechan.”

“For everything.”

 

_________

 

Renjun scoots down towards the edge of the row, making more room for Haechan to sit. Haechan sits down with a big puff and hands a bag of candy to Renjun.

“They only had this one or this one.” Haechan says while frowning, holding in his hand another bag of candy.

“That's fine. I like both.” Renjun assures the boy while smiling, already ripping open the bag in his hands.

Renjun looks towards the open field, eyes unconsciously looking for the jersey with the large number one printed on the back.

Today was the big soccer match everyone in the entire school was looking forward to. If their school was known for anything, it would be soccer. The school had a legacy of having the best soccer team in the area and almost never lost a match.

Renjun didn't particularly care too much about sports, but he did like soccer. He couldn't seem to refuse either when Jeno had invited him out to the big game. And all throughout the week Renjun actually began to look forward to the game. It was probably the first time he's ever had school spirit, which spoke a lot since in the past he would have never even dreamed of coming to a game like this before.

Renjun finds Jeno in the crowd on the soccer field and notices the boy was already looking at him. Jeno waves towards Renjun and he immediately returns the wave back with a small smile.

Haechan softly nudges Renjun’s shoulder and all Renjun does is shove Haechan back while scoffing and rolling his eyes at the boy beside him.

Renjun takes a deep sigh and breathes in the crisp air. He's glad he came out and took the time to actually finally spend some time with Haechan outside of the school. The boy had been really worried for him these past few weeks and always made sure to take care of him when he could. He was extremely thankful towards the cheery class president who was now surprisingly one of his closest friends. He would never have thought he'd actually find a friend he was so comfortable around til Haechan came into his life. Renjun didn't believe in soulmates, but if it were real, Renjun could proudly say that Haechan would be his.

Renjun looks around and notices most of the students from his grade are out here cheering for the team. He looks towards the other end of the sitting area and then towards the back behind him when he catches something in the corner of his eyes. He turns his head a little further back to notice a certain caramel colored head of hair. Renjun immediately whips his face back forward.

“Shit shit shit.” Renjun blurts out under his breath while trying to cover his face.

“What? What's wrong? Are you constipated again?”

“What? No!” Renjun says in a whisper, trying not to laugh in this serious situation.

“What is it then? Why are we acting like we don't want to be seen?” Haechan asks with a confused expression, also starting to cover his face.

Renjun huffs out a quiet puff of air. “Can you check, _discreetly,_  if Na Jaemin is behind us?”

Haechan scrunches his eyebrows at Renjun.

 _"Discreetly,_ Haechan." Renjun whispers.

Haechan, with his eyebrows still scrunched, slowly turns his head towards the back while nonchalantly popping a candy into his mouth. He quickly turns back towards the front when he's confirmed the identity behind them.

“Na Jaemin is behind us, I repeat, Na Jaemin is behind us, over.” Haechan whispers.

“Fuck.” Renjun sharply whispers out.

“Why fuck? Why the fuck, Renjun?” Haechan concernedly asks. “Ah, whatever! Either way, I support you Huang Renjun.”

Renjun closes his eyes in frustration. Of course he had to ruin this nice evening with his stupid presence. Renjun nudges Haechan and asks him to check again one last time to make sure.

Haechan discreetly turn his head backwards and instantly lifts his head completely up then back forwards.

“He's gone?” Haechan says confused. Looking everywhere for the flower boy.

Renjun lifts his head slowly up and looks around cautiously. “Where did he go?”

“I don't know, but can we stop hiding now. I actually sort of want to watch the game. Mark’s playing today and I gotta pay attention to my man.” Haechan enthusiastically shares while clasping his hands together. “Go Mark Lee!” Haechan shouts loudly.

Renjun watches the game on the edge of his seat, literally and figuratively. Rather than enjoying and cheering for the team, Renjun continuously was looking around the crowd, trying to avoid any sign of a certain caramel colored haired boy. Renjun didn't even realize the game was over until Haechan pulled the small boy out of his seat into a big hug.

“WAH! We won Renjun!” Haechan loudly exclaims while jumping up and down, still hugging the smaller boy.

“I’m so happy! Now I can go give Mark a congratulatory hug! He’ll have no choice!” Haechan beams. He grabs Renjun's hand and pulls him towards the crowd gathering near the winning team’s soccer players on the field. “Let’s go!”

Renjun is still sort of dazed and out of it when he realizes he's pushed into the crowd on the field. Feeling suffocated, he begins to push his way out of the crowd towards the edge of the field. Finally out of the overwhelming crowd Renjun takes a deep breath and breathes out his anxiety.

Renjun flinches and jumps a bit when someone from behind grabs his shoulder.

“Renjun! I’m glad you made it!” Jeno beams at him, with the brightest smile he's seen on him so far.

“Jeno!” Renjun calls out, trying to sound as happy as he could for the winning soccer team captain.

“Congratula-” Renjun is cut off mid word in a big unexpected hug from the black haired boy.

Renjun, startled with his mouth slightly open, is about to say something when all of the sudden the smaller boy is being pulled away by someone else. Renjun is pulled all the way next to the back of the sitting area when he realizes he’s faced in front of the caramel colored haired boy he had been trying oh so hard to avoid throughout the entire game.

“Ow! Let go of me, Jaemin! What the hell is wrong with you?” Renjun frustratedly lets out. “It hurts! Let go!” Renjun whines out at Jaemin’s unusually hard grip.

Jaemin quickly let’s go and instantly makes a face, as if _he_ was the one who was hurt by the hard grip.

“What was that?” Jaemin accusingly asks the smaller boy rubbing his wrist.

“What was what?” Renjun sharply returns.

“Since when are you and Lee Jeno so close?” Jaemin says with a clearly disapproving tone and a look on his face that only screams disgust.

“Since when was that any of _your_ business?”

Jaemin scoffs. “You're being so ridiculous. You're acting like a baby.”

“ _I’m_ being ridiculous? _I_ am?” Renjun laughs out loud at the slightly taller boy’s confident remark.

“You know what? I think we're done here.” Renjun concludes. He turns around to leave before swiftly turning back towards the taller boy out of frustration. “Fuck you, Jaemin.” Renjun harshly adds while suddenly shoving Jaemin’s chest--not that it felt like much.

“Just leave me the fuck alone.”

As Renjun is turning around to leave to go find Haechan, Jaemin lightly grabs onto his wrist for what seems like the billionth time since the movie theatre. Tears slowly start to form in the corner of Renjun’s eyes. Not wanting to leave without a fight, the smaller boy attempts to move his wrist away, but slowly begins to give up until another warm touch is on his wrist.

“Hey, he said to leave him alone. How about you just let go, Jaemin.” Jeno says in a steady voice as he successfully pries Jaemin’s grasp off of Renjun’s wrist.

“How about you just fuck off, Jeno.” Jaemin deadpans, clearly not in the mood for the unwanted third party.

“What's your deal, man?” Jeno genuinely asks.

Jaemin rolls his eyes at the invasive black haired boy. Jaemin grabs onto Renjun’s wrist, wanting to take him someplace else to talk _without_ the presence of the annoying soccer captain, that was quickly getting on his nerves.

As soon as he grabs Renjun’s wrist, Jaemin is met with a forceful push against his chest from a pissed off looking Jeno.

Jaemin immediately throws a punch at Jeno’s jaw, patience nowhere to be found.

“What the hell, Jaemin!” Renjun shouts. “What the hell is wrong with you!”

Renjun quickly crouches down next to the black haired boy clutching onto his jaw. Renjun looks up at a scowling Jaemin and shoots him a death glare. “Congratulations. You really fucking did it this time.”

Renjun pulls up Jeno from the floor and gently leads him towards the inside of the school, not giving even a single look back towards the silent caramel colored haired boy.

 

_________

 

  
“I’m so so so sorry, Jeno.”

“Hey, for the hundredth time, no worries. It's barely a scratch, Renjun.”

“If I can't even take a small punch to the jaw, am I _really_ fit to be soccer captain?” Jeno says while laughing, trying his best to lighten the mood.

Renjun tries to force out a small laugh. “But still...you didn't deserve that.” Renjun breathes out, frustration hinted behind his words.

“I know Jaemin isn't a bad guy…” Jeno abruptly admits.

“You know, as crazy as it sounds now, I actually use to be best friends with that rascal up until middle school.” Jeno says, a small smile forming across his face while reminiscing in the past on his old fond memories with the boy who had just punched him.

“But...after his parents died from that car accident...” Jeno sighs out a deep breath. “He completely shut everyone out...”

“So I don't blame him.” Jeno finishes.

“I’m sure he had his reasons.” Jeno says, unknowingly avoiding Renjun’s gaze. “To punch me, I mean.” Jeno clarifies while pointing at the small bruise on the side of his face.

Renjun chuckles out at the black haired boy next to him.

“You’re too nice for your own good, Lee Jeno…”

“Yeah. I get that a lot.” Jeno replies with a short smile.

Renjun laughs lightly, staring at the floor. Jeno stares at the boy beside him and starts to slowly lean towards his face, eyes flickering down to the smaller boy’s lips. Renjun turns his head towards Jeno and is startled to suddenly be so close to the boy’s face. Renjun soon gets the message when he notices Jeno staring at his lips. The smaller boy instinctively pushes Jeno away harshly with his two hands.

Renjun bolts up.

“Renjun, I-I’m sorry.” Jeno quickly stutters out. “I didn't mean to-”

“No. No, I’m sorry, it's my fault.” Renjun breathes out in one breath. _It's all my fault._ “I-I should really go.”

“Ren-”

Before Renjun can even hear Jeno finish calling out his name, the small boy is bolting out of the area and out the doors of the school towards the entrance.

Renjun is wiping away his falling tears when he suddenly runs into something, or someone.

Right as he’s about to apologize he's bombarded with questions by a familiar voice.

“Renjun! What the hell! Where the hell did you go off to? I've been looking all over for you!” Haechan worriedly says.

Renjun looks up to see a worried and a slightly sweaty Haechan.

“Hey hey hey, are you crying? Why are you crying?”

Renjun tries his best to hold back his tears.

“Renjun, are you okay?”

Renjun let's out a sob and breaks down in tears. Haechan immediately pulls the smaller boy into a big hug.

“No, I don't think I am...” Renjun sobs out into Haechan’s shoulder.

“R-Renjun-ah...there there…it’s okay, it's okay.” Haechan reassures the heavily crying boy in his arms. Haechan hugs his friend tighter in his arms, not minding the wetness starting to cling onto his shirt one bit.

 

_________

 

Jaemin looks at the clock, turns the tv off, and sighs while leaning back into the couch. He stares down at his slightly bruised right hand and sighs once again at the annoying sight. Jaemin once again thinks about the events that happened earlier in the day at the school.

Jaemin can't seem to wipe off the face Renjun made at him from his head after he had punched Jeno in the jaw.

_Congratulations. You really fucking did it this time._

Jaemin mentally shivers from the recent memory and groans in frustration.

_Why in the hell did you do that, Na Jaemin? You really fucked up this time._

Jaemin grabs a pillow on his couch and muffles a loud scream into it for good measure.

Jaemin is still screaming his head off into the pillow when all the sudden his phone bells goes off loudly, startling the boy. He quickly grabs his cell from his coffee table and picks the call up immediately when he sees the caller’s name.

“Hello?”

Jaemin can only hear loud clanking and muffling sounds on the other end of the line. He looks at the caller’s name on his phone to make sure it was who he thought it was.

“Hello? Injun?”

“Yah! Is this Na Jaemin’s cell?”

“Uh, yes...but this is definitely not Huang Renjun’s voice. Who is this?”

Jaemin can hear more muffling sounds coming from the other end of the call and suddenly hears a loud crash that follows and starts to make out the sound of loud men chattering and laughing too. Jaemin straightens his back out, not liking what he's picking up from the other end of the line.

“Hello?” Jaemin repeats into the phone.

“Okay okay okay- I heard you the first time Renjun-ah...YAH! This is Haechan. I wouldn't be calling you like this in the middle of the night, but...you see...you see...ah, that is…” Haechan mumbles out.

“Haechan, just get to the point.” Jaemin says a little impatiently, not understanding the situation at all.

“Okay okay! I-I invited Renjun over to my restaurant for a couple of drinks, but Renjun got sort of really carried away and is drunk as fuck right now, but he said he wouldn't leave until you came. My parents will _kill_ me if they even _hear_ about one of my friends getting this drunk! Ugh! He keeps calling out your name like a _fucking_ _million_ _times_ bro! Could you just hurry up and come and collect him before he passes out, PLEASE!”

Jaemin quickly processes everything Haechan blurts out to him and calmly asks him to message him the location of his restaurant through Renjun’s phone.

Thankfully, Haechan’s restaurant was nearby and only took a couple of minutes to get to, it being just a couple blocks down their apartment.

Jaemin checks on his phone the name of the restaurant and looks up to see the same name on the sign of the restaurant in front of him. He swiftly opens the door and goes inside the rowdy restaurant. Jaemin scans the area and notices there are mostly only obnoxiously loud old men surrounded by many many bottles of the famous green alcoholic beverage. Jaemin’s eyes stop immediately when he’s found who he was looking for.

Jaemin slowly walks towards the back table near the kitchen entrance of the restaurant. The two young boys are sitting right next to each other. Renjun has his eyes closed shut, and Jaemin notices the red bright tint dusted across his cheeks and nose. The small boy continually slaps the other very done looking boy, Haechan, in the face with his small hands repeatedly.

“Where’s Na Jaemin?” The small boy whines out to the other boy, who was trying his best to block his face from the sour hands of the smaller drunk boy.

“For the _millionth_ time, Renjun! He's on his way!”

Haechan turns his face to the right to find Jaemin watching the two with a judging expression.

“Oh thank God you’re here!” Haechan exclaims out while attempting to get up from the viscous hold of the clingy boy besides him.

“Please! Take him away from me! I beg of you!” Haechan whines.

Jaemin slowly walks up to Haechan and a clingy drunk Renjun and takes the smaller boy into his hold.

Haechan, finally free from the pits of hell, jumps up and clasps his hands together.

“Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but...thank you Na Jaemin for your service. Take care of him for me, please. I'm out of here, good luck buddy.” Is all Haechan says before he grabs his keys and is off and out in a dash.

Jaemin holds onto Renjun as the smaller boy flickers his eyes open the best he can.

“Injun-ah, let’s go home.” Jaemin softly says to the smaller boy who is hanging onto his arms from his seat.

“Yah! Eh? You’re Na Jaemin! Wah, you really are Na Jaemin...Is it really you?” Renjun sputters out, a little clearer than he expected.

“Yes Injun-ah, it’s me, Jaeminie.” Jaemin reassures the whining boy. “Let’s get you home.”

Jaemin begins to try and pull him up out of his seat when all of the sudden the smaller boy tries to push him away clumsily.

“Piss off!” Renjun slurs. “I’m still mad at you! You’re-” Hiccup. “You’re-” Hiccup. “You’re stupid..Na Jaemin..” Is all Renjun can say before he passes out in Jaemin’s arms.

Jaemin heavily sighs at the passed out boy and gently puts him on his back.

 

Jaemin is piggybacking Renjun home when all of the sudden the smaller drunk boy on his back squirms himself awake.

“Why are you such a dickhead?” Renjun manages to mumble out.

“Just because-” Hiccup. “Just because you have a pretty face-” Hiccup. “And pretty eyelashes-” Hiccup. “And a pretty smile, you think-” Hiccup. “You think you can just play with anyone’s heart like that?” Hiccup. “Huh?” Renjun mumbles out, slurring a bit, but quite audible for a drunk person.

Jaemin sighs softly at the smaller drunk's honest words and grabs his hold on Renjun a bit tighter, trying his best to avoid the drunk boy from accidentally falling down. Jaemin continues to walk slowly.

“Why do I like you so much Na Jaemin?”

Jaemin stops in his tracks, his heartbeat racing up.

“What did you say, Huang Injun? Yah, Huang Injun, what did you just say right now?” Jaemin asks, demanding a response from the smaller boy. Jaemin tries to turn his head to the side to look for a response, but Renjun is already snoring his way asleep.

Jaemin let's out a deep breath and chuckles out while shaking his head at the smaller boy on his back and continues his walk home, heartbeat shooting up every step of the way. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psa: i love renjun and haechan's friendship irl everyone don't sleep on their friendship please and thank you ;;


	6. ❊

 

_________

 

Renjun slowly opens his eyes awake against the sun shining directly on his face. He tries to get up in a quick manner, but is immediately hit with a wave of something he can’t explain. He confirms that it’s definitely an unpleasant feeling he would like gone, as soon as possible. Head pounding and suddenly wanting to puke, Renjun lays back down on the bed and looks up at the ceiling. He looks at the cracked white wall and slowly turns his head to the side. The first thing he notices is the lamp stand. There’s a glass of water and two red capsules on a small napkin. Renjun bolts up on the bed and looks around frantically.

_This is definitely not my bed._

_This is definitely not my blanket._

_And this is definitely not my room._

Confused and a little worried, Renjun begins to look for his phone. He’s beginning to panic when he catches something in the corner of his eyes. Renjun looks at the lamp stand and the picture frame that stands on it. Renjun grabs the small picture frame and instantaneously relaxes his shoulders. Renjun let’s out a deep breath and wipes the collected dust off the glass. The picture he’s holding shows a very young smiley Jaemin holding a huge sunflower and what seems like his two late parents next to him, embracing him in a warm hug.

Renjun continues to fondly stare at the picture when all of the sudden a door opens, startling the smaller boy in the process.

“Did you just wake up?” A freshly showered and wet haired Jaemin asks.

Renjun quickly places the picture frame back on the lamp stand clumsily and clears his throat while standing up.

“Yeah...why am I here?”

“You don’t remember anything?”

“Remember wha-” Renjun stops midway sentence, suddenly remembering the events of last night. All he remembered was the two boys going to Haechan’s restaurant. He remembers conversing with Haechan a bit before the boy offered some drinks casually. He remembers absolutely nothing after his first two bottles of soju.

“Shit…” Renjun breathes out. Renjun bites his lips and closes his eyes for a brief moment. “Did I do...anything... _weird_ yesterday?”

“Yeah...about that...you uh…” Jaemin begins as he continues to dry his hair with his small towel. “You uh...kissed me.”

“I did what???” Renjun shrieks out, face immediately turning bright red.

“I'm kidding, I’m kidding.” Jaemin chuckles out, attempting to lighten the tense mood in the air.

Renjun gives him a death glare and crosses his arms at the unpredictable annoying jokester in front of him.

“You passed out when I got there to pick you up. Haechan called me from your cell.” Jaemin informs the ticked off smaller boy, sort of wishing he hadn't joked in this unclear situation.

“Oh. Well. You shouldn't have come.” Renjun flatly says with no emotion behind his words, looking directly into Jaemin’s eyes.

“I shouldn't have come? I pretty much saved your ass for the millionth time last night. And what's a third year doing going out drinking at night alongside a bunch of old nasty men anyways? You should've known better, Renjun.” Jaemin says, baffled at the careless boy standing across from him.

“Ugh, I don't need this from you right now. I'm leaving.” Renjun grumbles out, holding onto his pounding head. Renjun spots his phone on the floor, picks it up, and shoves it into his pocket before hurriedly walking past a finished looking, but now silent, Jaemin.

“Renjun...” Jaemin calls out behind him, as the smaller boy is opening the door to leave. _At least take some medicine for your head_ , Jaemin wants to say.

“Don't-” Renjun warns.

“Just don't.”

Renjun leaves the room and closes the door shut, making sure to slam the door loudly.

 

_________

 

Renjun shows up to school Monday to a _very_ disheveled looking Haechan. His hair is sticking up in all the wrong places, his uniform all scrunched up. He also notices that his buttons are unmatched and his tie is in a messy knot.

“H-haechan, what happened to you?” Renjun worriedly asks as he takes his seat next to the silent boy.

“I-It looks like you got beaten up by a _thug._ ” Renjun observes as he tries to straighten out Haechan’s crumpled uniform.

Haechan sighs out deep sigh. “It’s because I did.”

“Eh?” Renjun blurts out.

“My parents found out that I brought you to our restaurant from one of our worker’s this morning.” Haechan deadpans while pointing at his hair. “Hence the hair.”

“Fuckin’ snitch…” Haechan breathes out under his breath, bitter words geared towards the worker that worked Friday night.

“I’m really really sorry about that, Haechan…” Renjun carefully says, genuinely sorry towards the poor helpless looking boy.

“I didn’t know I was such a lightweight…” Renjun confesses.

“You’re not! You drank two bottles of soju, Renjun! That’s not called being a lightweight! What were you planning on doing that night? Dying??? You know how many times you hit my face?” Haechan yelps out while caressing his face softly. “Plus all the beating I got from my thug mom this morning.” Haechan makes a crying face. “Jeez...what did I do to deserve this type of pain.” Haechan whines into the distance.

Renjun forces out a small nervous chuckle and smiles while protecting his face, “Heh...you’ll forgive me?”

Haechan death glares the smaller boy next to him and shoves his shoulder lightly.

“Of course. It was still fun.” Haechan admits. “And I’m glad you opened up to me, Renjun.”

Renjun smiles at the disheveled boy. Renjun clearly remembers opening up all his worries and concerns to Haechan before he got drunk. He told Haechan everything from Na Jaemin, to his small blonde petite bully, to Lee Jeno. He even told the boy about his ongoing issue with himself. He let it all out. And thankfully, Haechan was there to listen.

“See? How am I supposed to be your friend if I don’t know what and who’s bugging you? Now you have me to protect you from people like that nasty crazy bitch!” Haechan reminds him.

“Which, reminds me. I brought my boxing tape in my bag today.” Haechan says while nudging his head towards his book bag. “I’m ready to fight, Renjun.”

Renjun shakes his head and pats Haechan’s back lightly.

“Thank you for that generous offer, but don’t worry about it, Haechan. Really.” Renjun assures the feverish boy who was currently extremely on edge.

“What?? Why? I came to school today to cut a bitch, Renjun!” Haechan whines out.

“She hasn’t bothered me since the courtyard, Haechan. Ever since I stopped hanging around Jaemin...” Renjun truthfully says.

“Ugh. Whatever. I’m still ready to fight when you need me to though.” Haechan grumbles out.

“Yeah, I know." Renjun says while leaning his head on the boy’s shoulder. "Thanks.” 

 

_________

 

Renjun walks out of the restroom, finally done with his assigned cleaning duties for the week. He mentally noted to thank Haechan for not assigning him back courtyard duty ever again. After Renjun had explained what had happened, _twice_ , in that courtyard, Haechan vowed to never assign or let Renjun step foot on that cursed ground again while he was alive. Renjun had to comfort a regretful and apologetic Haechan for maybe thirty minutes after he had told him what had taken place after the boy had left him that one day. Renjun let’s out a deep sigh at the thought and starts to walk down the stairs towards the entrance. He’s about halfway down when he’s met with a girl with long black hair and bangs. She’s the same height as Renjun and he soon recognizes her as the same girl who had asked Jaemin out on that Friday date a while back.

Renjun tries to walk past her, but stops when she softly speaks out towards the older boy.

“R-Renjun, sunbaenim?” The girls asks for confirmation.

“Oh, yes...that’s me...can I help you?” Renjun plainly responds to the unfamiliar face.

“Ah...you see…” The girl softly mutters. Renjun notices she’s fidgeting a bit, her eyes nervously staring anywhere but at the boy in front of her.

“H-Haechan sunbaenim told me to tell you he wanted to meet you at the back courtyard.” She says, voice slightly trembling.

“Haechan?” Renjun asks, with a puzzled face, eyebrows scrunching together at the girl’s message.

“Y-yes. He told me to tell you to hurry. That it was really important.” The girl quickly says while looking into Renjun’s eyes before nervously looking away again.

“Okay...are you sure it was the back courtyard?” Renjun asks for confirmation. He thought it was extremely fishy that Haechan would call him out there, especially after the conversation they recently had about the evil cursed ground.

“I’m positive.” She confidently says.

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” Renjun says with a small smile towards the long black haired girl.

The girl smiles back, smile not completely reaching her eyes, and quickly runs down the stairs out towards the front entrance in a flash. Renjun shakes off the weird feeling in his gut and starts to walk towards the back courtyard.

  
_________

 

Renjun arrives to the back of the school in no time and begins to walk towards the middle of back courtyard. He looks around to an empty courtyard and confusedly scratches his head.

_Where was that boy?_

Renjun looks around once more and lets out a small sigh before kicking some pebbles on the floor before slowly and unconsciously walking towards the trash bin in the farthest corner. He looks at the trash bin with a blank expression.

“I hate you. You ugly ugly trash bin.” Renjun sighs out. Renjun hated this corner. He hated this courtyard. And he especially hated this trash bin. Renjun shakes his head at the bad memories that linger with the trash bin and turns around to go back inside to find Haechan.

“The ugly trash bin hates you to, Renjun.”

Renjun takes a step back and instinctively puts his hands up in front of his face at the familiar repulsive voice. Renjun’s heart rate shoots up to an unnatural state and the small boy suddenly is unable to breathe properly.

The blonde petite girl and her two trusty sidekicks laugh in unison at the fearful boy.

“How about you just befriend it? It seems like you guys have a lot of things in common. I’m sure you’ll get along well.” The smaller blonde petite says while smiling.

Renjun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a brief moment, wishing so badly this was all just a bad nightmare.

“Are you actually stupid? Why would you believe a stupid first year’s dumb lie? I didn’t think you were _that_ stupid, Renjun. I actually can’t believe how easy it was.” The petite blonde girl chuckles out.

Renjun felt immensely foolish in that moment for believing the strange girl’s message. He should have trusted in his gut instinct. He _knew_ something felt off.

“What do you want from me now?” Renjun asks in a composed manner. “I don’t hang around Jae-” Renjun shuts his mouth. “I don’t hang around _him_ anymore.” Renjun corrects.

“Yeah. I see that. And I’m glad your listening, Renjun.” The girl smiles out. “I’m assuming that slap really _did_ slap the sense in you.”

The two girls behind her laugh in unison. They immediately stop when the small blonde petite girl puts a silencing hand up in the air.

Renjun fumes at the memory and begins to clench his fists together beside him.

“What are you so mad about?” The blonde petite asks while glancing at Renjun’s fisted hands. “What are you gonna do about it, huh?”

“Are you gonna go tell your mommy? Are you gonna go whine about it? Are you gonna go tell Na Jaemin?”

The girl scoffs.

“Who do you think you are?

“Do you actually think you had a chance with someone like Na Jaemin?

“You?”

Renjun fists his hands together tighter—if that was possible—knuckles turning white. He tries his best to look composed and does everything he can to blink away the tears that were starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

“Why would someone like _Jaemin_ like someone like _you_? A stupid boy who can't even properly speak Korean.”

Renjun bites his tongue inside his mouth and tries to steady his breathing.

“You saw us at the theatre together. What you saw that night was right, Renjun. Jaemin was the one who kissed _me_.”

Renjun scoffs.

The blonde petite scowls and immediately tramps closer towards Renjun. “What was that scoff for, huh?”

The girl is right in front of Renjun’s face now. “I said what was that scoff for.” She spits out.

The small blonde petite girl continues to taunt the boy as she continuously flicks his forehead.

Renjun closes his eyes and forces his tears not to spill out for the sake of his own pride. He bites his tongue a tad harder before opening his eyes to look at the smaller girl straight in the eyes. Renjun shoves her hand away harshly from his face.

“Piss off.”

“What did you say? Piss off?” The girl looks like a mad dog while laughing and Renjun visibly flinches at the girl’s loud cackle.

“What are you gonna do? _Punch_ me now?” Renjun challenges, voice steady.

“You little-” The small blonde petite girl brings her hand up to slap the boy in front her.

Renjun shuts his eyes tight and holds in his breath.

Renjun slowly opens his eyes, pain nowhere to be found across his face.

The small boy opens his eyes to see Jaemin death gripping the girl's wrist with the scariest look in his eyes he's ever seen.

Renjun knew one thing for sure. He did _not_ want to be that girl right now.

“Jaemin-ah...” Renjun breathes out.

Renjun notices the cigarette that’s placed in Jaemin’s mouth between his lips. The caramel colored haired boy breathes in a puff and a moment later exhales the big cloud of gray smoke directly into the blonde girl’s face.

The petite blonde girl grimaces at the smoke and coughs out lightly.

Jaemin takes the cigarette out of his mouth with his free hand and flicks it towards the two other girls feet. The two girls instantly squirm at the cigarette butt and cower away from the furious intimidating looking boy.

“What did I tell you before? Did it not go through your thick skull the first time I said it?” Jaemin fumes out, accentuating each word clearly.

The petite blonde girl tries to avoid the caramel colored haired boy’s piercing eyes. And for the first time, Renjun thinks he sees something that is close to fear in her eyes.

“ _I said_ , don’t ever fucking _look_ , _stare_ , or _touch_ him ever again with your dirty hands.” Jaemin scowls out while beginning to grip onto the girl’s wrist tighter. The petite blonde girl winces at the harsh grip.

“J-jaemin-ah..” Renjun whispers out.

Ignoring the smaller boy, Jaemin continues to tighten his grip on the blonde girl’s wrist even harder.

The blonde girl begins to squirm under the rough boy’s harsh hold and starts to cry out in pain.

“Jaemin-ah, stop.” Renjun urges in a calm voice.

Jaemin immediately releases the girl’s wrist while pushing her arm forcefully away, making the petite blonde girl fall to the floor. The two observing girls rush down next to her instantaneously, trying to cover their faces away from the caramel colored haired boy.

Jaemin firmly grabs Renjun’s hand into a death grip and starts pulling him away before stopping in his tracks. He turns his head slightly around towards the fallen blonde girl crying on the floor.

“If I were you I'd be too embarrassed to even come out to school.” 

Jaemin turns his head forward and mutters out loud enough for her to hear, “Fucking psycho.”

 

_________

 

Jaemin death grips Renjun’s hand until they’re both out of the school and on their usual path home. There’s not a single word exchanged between the two boys until their halfway home. Frustrated over everything that happened today, over the past weekend, and over the past few weeks, Renjun yanks his hand out of Jaemin’s.

Renjun has his eyebrows scrunched together and is looking down at the floor, still avoiding the slightly taller boy’s eyes.

Jaemin doesn’t try to grab Renjun’s hand back and gives the boy some space.

“How long has that been going on? Why didn't you tell me?” Jaemin carefully asks, voice full of concern and what sounds like anger.

“Long enough for you not to notice, apparently.” Renjun scoffs out. Before Jaemin can even respond Renjun quickly adds, “Why do you even care? It's not like you actually give a shit about me.”

“Renjun, would you just listen for one second.”

“Just let me explain what happened-” Jaemin pleads.

Renjun didn't even know why he was being so stubborn. It wasn't even as if Jaemin was his boyfriend or _anything_ to him for a matter of fact. Why was he making such a big deal out of one small kiss? A small kiss that probably was forced on him.

Was it because he wanted to be that girl in that moment? Was it because it just had to be her? It’s not like Jaemin even knew she was bullying him in the first place.

When did Renjun even began to care who Jaemin kissed? Who Jaemin was with? Who Jaemin wanted?

Renjun was frustrated beyond his limits by now and was overwhelmed by all the emotions in his heart and in his mind. Renjun bites his lips and continues walking.

“I honestly don’t care. I don't want to hear it.” Renjun deadpans.

“Renjun, please. Could you just _listen_ for one damn second.” Jaemin irritably sighs out, keeping up in pace with the smaller boy.

Renjun stops in his tracks and turns around abruptly towards Jaemin.

“I told you I don’t fucking care!” Renjun shouts.

Jaemin groans in frustration.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Jaemin shouts back.

“Doing what?” Renjun sharply returns.

“This!”

“Why are you so-”

“Why are you so complicated?” Jaemin shouts while flinging his arms in the air.

Renjun scoffs again and turns around and says loud enough for Jaemin to hear, “I don't know what your talking about.”

“God, Renjun! You’re always like this!”

“Just let me-”

“I don't need _you_ to do _anything_ , Jaemin!”

Renjun looks at Jaemin straight in the eyes, knowing well his eyes were red and watery.

“I don't need _you_ or anyone else. I’ve been doing well on my own without you for eighteen years. I don’t need you to try and save me every chance you can get. I don’t need you trying to _fix_ me or whatever weird shit you feel like you’re inclined to do. I don’t need you to _explain_ anything to me because it’s none of my business to begin with.” Renjun says, voice slightly trembling at his outburst.

“I just need you to leave me the hell alone.” Renjun finishes quietly, trying his best to cover up any sign of heartbreak.

“I’m not- I'm not trying to-” Jaemin is getting more and more frustrated towards the oblivious smaller boy.

“Do you really think I'm trying to-”

“Why can't you just-”

Jaemin sighs in frustration, grabs his hair in his hands, and lets out a groan.

Renjun is clenching both of his fists tightly.

Jaemin let’s go of his hair and exhales, shoulders sagging down along with his sigh. It almost looks as if the worn out boy in front of him has given up. Renjun is ready to retaliate to whatever the caramel colored haired boy has to say next.

 

“Why can't you just see that I'm in love with you?”

“Just you.” Jaemin whispers out in the softest voice, only loud enough for Renjun to hear.

Renjun let’s out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in and immediately unclenches his fists.

Renjun doesn't know what to do.

He knows how he is. And he hates it.

He hates how he's complicated too.

He hates how he's so stubborn.

He hates how his instinct is to push everyone he might love away.

He hates how his automatic thought is to protect himself and run away from anything and everything that might hurt him in any way.

He hates it.

He hates it because he knows he loves Jaemin too.

But he can’t come to face that.

Renjun is silent. 

“I was just standing in the popcorn line, waiting for you to come back. I don’t know how she knew I was there and I don’t know how she got there, but it’s not surprising since she stalked me frequently in the past. I was just waiting there for you to come back when she came out of nowhere and flung herself on me.” Jaemin honestly admits.

“I swear that was it. I swear. You just happened to come right out at the same time it happened.”

There’s a moment of silence between the two boys.

“Renjun. I would- I would never do anything to hurt you. How could you even think-” Jaemin shakes his head softly at the foolish thought.

“How could you even think for a second that I’d do anything like that on _purpose_ when you’re the only person I care for in this shitty world.” Jaemin laughs, “Sometimes I can’t believe how fucking oblivious you are.”

Renjun is silent.

“I only look at you, Renjun. I only look for you. I only think about you. I only think about you _so_ _fucking_ _much_ that sometimes I forget if I’ve even eaten, as ridiculous as that sounds. I only know _you._  Yet you can’t even believe me when I tell you it wasn’t like that? You know how much that fucking hurts? You know how much it hurts to want to give your everything to someone, but they can’t even look you directly in the eyes? What do I have to do to get you to realize that you’re the only person I care about? What do I have to do to get you to realize that you’re the only one I'll ever be in love with?”

Renjun is silent.

Renjun suddenly feels too overwhelmed by everything, not being able to process clearly all the words Jaemin had just poured out to the smaller boy.

Renjun, suddenly wanting to be alone and away from everything, turns away hesitantly and runs the rest of his way back home.

Jaemin let’s the boy go and doesn’t chase after him.

 

_________

 

Renjun goes up the familiar steps towards the rooftop. Every step he takes is a step of confirmation. He's on the last step and now in front of the door. Renjun quietly opens the door and walks into the silent rooftop.

The sky outside is in a soft hue of pink, thanks to the colorful sunset that paints the sky. Renjun looks around in awe at how pretty the colors look mixed together. He's never seen this sky so pink before. Renjun continues to look at the sky until his eyes fall onto the back of a familiar caramel colored haired boy. The contrast of the two colors make Renjun want to run back downstairs to his home to paint the breathtaking view before him.

Renjun walks up behind Jaemin quietly and stands closely next to the slightly taller boy.

The two boys are leaning against the rooftop. They’re both quiet. Both looking at the horizon before them. Not a single word is exchanged, not even a single look.

“Why do you always run away?” Jaemin asks defeatedly, breaking the silence.

Renjun doesn't respond and is silent once more.

Jaemin sighs, frustration laced in his voice and on his face, and turns around to leave.

Renjun instantly grabs onto the end of Jaemin’s shirt.

“Don’t go…”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn't-”

Renjun places his plush pair of lips softly onto Jaemin’s. Immediately, Jaemin quickly wraps his hand around Renjun’s small waist and pulls him closer.

Renjun’s first kiss was nothing like he expected, but at the same time it was everything. He strangely already expected there to be that familiar aftertaste of vanilla and honey, but he didn't expect how dizzy just one small kiss could make his head feel.

Renjun pulls back, but Jaemin leans forward to softly catch his lips once more, the addictive taste gone too fast for his liking.

Unable to handle all the sweet kisses Jaemin is drowning him with, Renjun pulls away to catch a breath.

Renjun breathes out and punches Jaemin’s chest lightly, eyebrows scrunched into a harmless scowl.

“I hate you.” Renjun whispers.

“No you don't.” Jaemin says, leaning down for another kiss.

Renjun pulls back, arms laced around the taller’s neck, “I hate you.”

Jaemin scoffs. “I doubt that.” Jaemin leans down and places another gentle kiss on the smaller boy’s lips.

“I hate you..” Renjun whispers once more against the the taller boy's lips.

“Then show me you do.” Jaemin playfully demands. Another kiss.

“I hat-”

Jaemin leans down for what seems like the millionth time and silences the small boy in his arms with another fleeting kiss. 

 


	7. ❊

 

_________

 

“Jaemin-ah, my lips are going to fall off if you keep kissing me like this...” Renjun mumbles out against Jaemin’s lips.

Jaemin gives another chaste kiss against the smaller boy before finally pulling away. He looks down at the smaller boy’s slightly swollen and pink plush lips that resemble the pink clouds that hover over them and smiles. “It’s not my fault you’re so kissable.” Jaemin says while grinning.

Renjun snorts at the boy with a small laugh and rolls his eyes. The two boys are sitting beside each other on the roof, legs tangled together, and impossibly close to one another. Renjun looks away from Jaemin and at the floor. He lets out a small sigh.

“I’m sorry, Jaemin…” Renjun quietly says.

“I should have...I should have just heard you out from the beginning...I was being stupid...and stubborn.” Renjun admits regretfully.

“I don’t know why I’m always like this either…” Renjun sighs while crossing his arms across his legs. “I don’t know...I was just afraid…”

“Of everything…” Renjun confesses while fiddling his fingers together.  

“At Minjee...at you…” Renjun closes his eyes. “At myself.”

Jaemin stays silent while listening to the smaller boy, watching him intently with soft hooded eyes.

“I feel like...I feel like I have this huge thorn in my heart. And...and all I need to do is pick it out. But sometimes...I don’t know…” Renjun hesitates a bit. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to...sometimes I feel as if I might even _like_ that thorn...” Renjun admits. “Am I weird to think that?”

“Am I _messed up_ to think that?” Renjun asks, both to Jaemin and to himself.

Jaemin immediately holds Renjun’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Jaemin thinks in silence for a moment before speaking out in a hushed voice.

“I think everyone has their own thorn.”

“Whatever it might be, it’s there.”

“I think some people pick it out as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, while other people keep it there. Maybe they like it, maybe they’re just afraid of it. Or maybe they’re afraid of what’s to come when they do pick it out.”

“But Renjun...you can’t just pluck out a thorn and expect it not to hurt. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt like shit. But trust me when I say this, it heals. It’ll hurt like shit at first and maybe that’s what’s scaring you the most...but that feeling of relief once it’s gone...I don’t think you’d even remember what it felt like when it was there…” Jaemin says all while looking at Renjun with the gentlest look in his eyes.

“But I don’t think it’s messed up.”

“Everyone’s different. Every thorn’s different. Maybe it’s better to become friends with the thorn...before you pluck it out, I mean. Maybe it’ll hurt less.” Jaemin considers. “Or maybe we’ll always have the thorn. Maybe it’s inevitable.”

“I don’t know…” Jaemin finishes, looking towards his side to see a smiling Renjun. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?” Jaemin chuckles out.

Renjun chuckles out along with the boy besides him and tightens his hold.

Renjuns laughs out loud after a realization. “We’re out here talking about thorns like it’s the new lingo or something. If anyone walked in on our conversation they’d think we were insane.”

“Can’t disagree on that last part.” Jaemin adds while nodding.

Renjun smiles softly at Jaemin, thankful for his thoughtful words. He leans to his side and pulls on the collar of Jaemin's shirt lightly before dragging his lips onto his own.

“I thought you said your lips were going to fall off,” Jaemin mumbles.

“Then should I stop?” Renjun asks while teasingly pulling away.

“No no no.” Jaemin quickly says while following his lips like a moth to a light. “No way. No way in a million years.”

 

_________

 

Renjun is leaning outside the classroom door, currently watching their teacher and a frustrated Jaemin talking back and forth with each other from afar. He can sort of hear bits and pieces of their conversation, but can’t fully catch everything the two are saying.

“I was just thinking that maybe _you_ could sign it.” Jaemin proposes while holding out the form in his hand towards the sitting teacher.

“I’m really sorry, Jaemin. But you out of everyone should know the rules. I can’t let you go unless you have a guardian’s signature of approval.” The teacher reiterates, not even glancing up at the standing boy.

“Please, teacher.” Jaemin pleads again.

The teacher sighs and looks up to give Jaemin a pitiful expression. “I’m sorry, Jaemin. But my word is final.” Is all the teacher says before dismissing the child in front of him with a small wave.

Jaemin walks out of the classroom with no word towards an awaiting Renjun.

“How did it go?” Renjun asks slowly, still hoping for the best.

“He said no. Like _always_.” Jaemin says sourly, with a bitter expression on his face.

Jaemin sighs. “It’s fine though. You should still go.”

“You go and have fun, okay? Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. It’s not like it’s my first time missing out on stuff like this anyways.” Jaemin says disheartenedly.

Renjun had found out earlier this week that the annual third year’s school trip was this upcoming weekend. Apparently it was what all the third year’s looked forward to all year long. It was supposedly a three day weekend trip that consisted of fun activities, campfires, and a lot of free interaction amongst all the other third year’s from all the other classes. As long as the student’s received a signature from their guardian on the trip form for approval before the weekend they were allowed to be bussed to the destination and attend the annual school trip.

Renjun tightens his grip on his book bag and glances at the gloomy boy beside him.

Renjun gives Jaemin a comforting squeeze to his hand. “Are you sure? I really don’t mind staying back here with you, Jaemin.” Renjun admits.

“No, no, no. You go, Injun. Really. Don’t worry about me.” Jaemin quickly protests.

Renjun gives a reluctant smile and nods his head. “Okay…”

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, okay?” Renjun says.

“Speak for yourself. _You_ don’t do anything stupid while I’m not there.” Jaemin quickly says back while chuckling out at the smaller boy.

Renjun scoffs. “I’ll try my best.”

 

_________

 

It was finally Friday morning, which meant it was already the weekend of the annual school trip. Renjun was already sort of regretting his decision to go in his head as he stood next to his respective bus amongst the many busses that were parked outside of the front of the school. Renjun’s the last one in line, purposely trying to prolong his time with the caramel colored haired boy next to him as long as he can. The smaller boy fidgets with his hands as he forces a smile towards Jaemin, suddenly dreading the ride there and strangely not wanting to go and leave the boy behind. But he had told Haechan already that he was going and he couldn't get the face of his friend out of his mind. Haechan was over the moon when Renjun had finally agreed, all his convincing working in the end. Haechan was already waiting in the bus for Renjun to sit beside him. Jaemin had told Renjun earlier this week that he wanted to see him off before he went on the weekend long trip.

 

“Have a good time, okay? And be safe. Don't get hurt anymore.” Jaemin says with concern in his voice while eyeing the front of the bus, the line continually getting shorter and shorter by the second.

Renjun laughs softly at the worried and out of place boy beside him. “Okay, okay, okay. I heard you the first twenty times, mother.”

“Here, I packed this for you.” Jaemin says as grabs something from his bag. He hands Renjun what looks like a small sack into his hands. Renjun opens it and glances into the small sack. Unsurprisingly, it's filled with a carton of banana milk, a roll of kimbap, and Renjun’s favorite candies.

Renjun smiles sweetly back up at Jaemin. “Thank you, chef Nana. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jaemin says, forcing a smile.

“Hey, it’s just three days...I’ll be back real soon.” Renjun reminds Jaemin softly.

“I know…” Jaemin says under his breath with a frown.

Renjun coos at the upset boy in front of him. “You’re such a big ole baby.” Renjun chuckles out while scruffing the bottom of the taller boy’s chin. “You’ll be okay, little puppy.”

Jaemin cutely scowls and steps back so that Renjun can finally get on the bus. Renjun gives a quick wave and a glance back before getting on the bus.

Renjun quickly gets to the back of the bus and finds his seat next to a wild looking Haechan.

“Rough morning?” Renjun asks as he squeezes his way into the window seat.

“Ugh, yeah. I woke up late. Almost thought I’d miss it.” Haechan says with closed eyes.

Renjun slides his duffel under his seat and situates himself comfortably into his seat. He looks out to see a waving Jaemin outside. Renjun instantly waves back with a smile.

“Bummer the devil can't join us this weekend.” Haechan jokingly says while looking out the window.

Renjun punches Haechan’s shoulder. “Ow!” Haechan yelps. “I was just kidding, Renjun-ah.” Haechan immediately replies smiling while rubbing his shoulder.

“You going to be good without him this weekend?” Haechan asks the dazed boy looking out the window.

“Huh? Why wouldn't I?” Renjun confusedly asks, still staring out at Jaemin through the bus window.

“Because you look like you just said bye forever to your childhood dog. Renjun, it's okay to admit you like Jaemin now, you know?”

Renjun looks at Haechan, eyes still slightly blank.

“I know I said all those things about him when you first came and I know you know I don't like him. And I know that the school is scary. And I know the school talks. But fuck all of them, you know? Hell, fuck me too, even! What I'm trying to say is...don't listen to what others say about you at the end of the day. At the end of the day, it's okay to admit you like him, Renjun. At the end of the day, you don't need to hide how you feel. From anyone. From me, from Jaemin. From yourself...I just want you to be happy. And _I know_ he makes you happy. It's okay to show that sometimes.”

Renjun looks out the window again. Haechan’s words ringing in his head as he watches Jaemin finally walk into the school entrance, since school was starting soon for the students who couldn’t go.

“Yeah. I know.” Is all Renjun replies before the bus starts and is off to their destination.

 

_________

 

Jaemin walks out of the school entrance, school ending after what feels like the longest most loneliest day yet so far in the year. He hadn't remembered seeing so many empty desks in his homeroom in awhile. The halls of the third year’s floor looked and felt isolated as if there was some sort of apocalypse. Jaemin shivers at the thought and walks towards the school gates. He looks down and kicks a small pebble with his foot before looking back up to a breathless Renjun with his duffel crossed around his shoulder looking straight at him.

Jaemin squints his eyes, heart beat shooting up, and begins to walk a little faster towards the familiar boy he had missed and thought about throughout the entire day.

“Injun? What are you doing here?” Jaemin yells out aloud as he runs the rest of his way to meet the smaller smiling boy.

Renjun’s smile is so wide he feels his muscles cramping up against his cheeks. “What does it look like? I came for you, dummy.” Renjun chirps while walking his way to meet Jaemin, still a bit breathless.

“W-what about the school trip?” Jaemin asks while looking up and down the boy’s disheveled appearance.

“Meh, I didn't really want to go to begin with anyways.” Renjun shrugs. “Beside who's going to walk you home?”

All Jaemin can do is sweetly smile down at the boy.

Renjun starts walking towards their usual route and holds out his empty hand. “Come on, let's go now, little puppy.”

Jaemin skips his way to Renjun and takes his hand into his.

“Okay, so I was thinking…” Renjun begins. The two boys are swinging their hands together, walking as slow as possible on their path home. “Since we couldn't go to the school trip we could just have a small little trip of our own!”

“So…since I am _such_ an angel, I decided that I'll give you the honor in granting you three wishes for today.” Renjun chimes while holding up three fingers for Jaemin to clearly see.

“Oh? So you're like my genie for the day?” Jaemin asks.

“Precisely.”

“But it can't be weird or anything, okay?” Renjun adds while glaring at the grinning boy.

Jaemin chuckles and thinks to himself for a moment. “Hmm…”

“Okay so there is this festival thing happening today…” Jaemin starts. “Okay. Wish one!”

“Shoot.”

“I wish that...we can go to the festival together.”

“Okayyyy that's not really a wish though, I can just go with you Jaemin it's not a big deal-” Renjun is quickly cut off by Jaemin’s excited voice. “Wish two!” Jaemin says while clapping his hands together. "Wish two!"

“Okayyy...shoot...” Renjun hesitantly says.

“Be my boyfriend.”

Renjun stops in his tracks and turns to glance at the smiling boy with wide doe eyes. He slowly turns his face back forward, blush quickly creeping up his neck to his face.

“Okay…I guess you're wish is my command.” Renjun breathes out.

“That means you have to do _boyfriend-ey_ things with me Injun-ah.” Jaemin sings out.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time.” Renjun says while rolling his eyes playfully.

“Honey, shall we go to the festival then?”

Renjun bursts out in loud laughter at the embarrassingly cheesy boy beside him and joins him, “I guess we shall... _honey."_

 

_________

 

The festival ended up being a festival in celebration of the Chinese culture, so Renjun had actually enjoyed it way more than he thought he would. Renjun had gotten a taste of his homeland right in the middle of his new town and would have never expected something like this in a million years. Renjun had taught Jaemin some old Chinese games at the booths and bought him his favorite Chinese snacks and candies at the food carts throughout the evening.

Thanks to Jaemin, it was the first time in awhile where he felt like he was back home in China. And he was glad to have shared that with Jaemin.

There are children and families everywhere, musical traditional groups performing in the street, and the strong smell of food and candy swims in the air amongst everything. The two boys are at a calligraphy booth near the big fountain at the center of the festival. Renjun is sitting down in the seat of the table and Jaemin is looking down while standing up right next to his shoulder. The festival is bustling with people, but Jaemin only focuses on the movements of the graceful boy below him.

Jaemin watches Renjun delicately draw out a single Chinese character on the small wax paper on the table.

“Chūn.” Renjun says softly as he holds up the paper with the simple finished character up for Jaemin to see.

“What does it mean?” Jaemin asks, eyes focused only on Renjun instead of the forgotten paper in front of him.

“It means spring! It's one of my favorite characters. Spring reminds me of sunshine and everything good.” Renjun chimes. “I don't know...it's really simple. But I love it.”

Renjun points at the bottom part of the character. “See, this part. The square with the line in the middle,” Renjun traces the outline. “It means sun. But in this character it means sunshine.” Renjun smiles softly at the paper and hands it to Jaemin.

“You remind me of sunshine.”

Jaemin takes the paper into his hands and beams like sunshine at the boy below him, living up to the word he was just called seconds ago.

 

_________

 

The boys spend the rest of their night at the festival's final firework show. The two find their way into the crowd and gather around the open area near the lake and find an empty spot to stand amongst the crowd to clearly see the fireworks go off into the clear sky. The night is dark, but the sky is filled with thousands of colors that brightens up every corner of the area.

The fireworks loudly go off, starling Renjun every single time despite knowing that it would make a loud sound. Jaemin clutches his arms around Renjun’s shoulder and laughs every time the smaller boy yelps out from the loud noises.

The fireworks continue to pop off and Renjun begins to plug his ears from the incessantly loud noise. Jaemin glances down at Renjun. Jaemin hadn't noticed until now how soft Renjun looked in his school uniform. Jaemin stares at Renjun, as if he was trying to memorize each and every feature on his face. Jaemin traces his eyes from the tip of his nose, the flutter of his eyes, to the soft corners of his mouth. Unawarely, the taller boy starts to slowly lean down towards the smaller boy’s face.

Renjun, feeling Jaemin’s intense stare on him, slightly foreshadows Jaemin’s actions. Renjun pushes his shoulder a bit to the side and moves away an inch from the nearing boy.

Jaemin only scoots closer to Renjun and holds tightly onto the smaller boy’s waist and leans his face down impossibly close to Renjun’s.

“J-Jaemin, not here…” Renjun whispers, startled by how close he was. The night was dark and it was hard to see, but Renjun was still nervous at the thought of anyone from the school being there. He nervously looks around the people around them, afraid that peering eyes might be familiar eyes. “Someone might see us…”

“So what? Let them see.” Is all Jaemin says in response. He moves his face an inch closer.

“Jaemin-” Renjun says in a hesitant tone, his body slightly tense.

“Renjun,” Jaemin breathes out softly.

“Kiss me.” Jaemin whispers impossibly close.

“It's my last wish.”

Renjun stills at Jaemin’s words. Renjun looks at the face impossibly close next to him and breathes in the familiar intoxicating honey vanilla scent. The slightly taller boy’s eyes are now closed and he can see each and every one of his long lashes thanks to the bright lights the fireworks granted him.

The fireworks are loud, but Renjun thinks the pounding in his heart may be a tad louder.

Renjun tiptoes slightly up and leans his face all the way next to Jaemin’s. Lips now hovering over each other. The boy hesitates for a split second before placing his lips onto Jaemin’s awaiting ones.

Jaemin instantly, like habit, wraps his arm around the smaller boy’s thin waist and pulls him impossibly close against him. Jaemin didn't care if people were looking. He didn't care what people thought. The only thing that mattered was the boy in his arms. And he wished he would be there until the sun came up. And all the days after that too.

 

_________

 

When the two finally arrived home near midnight Renjun had asked Jaemin if he wanted to go stargaze outside on the rooftop since it was the clearest night of the month. Jaemin had immediately agreed and ran up the stairs of their apartment building into his house to grab a bunch of blankets so that they could lay them out on their rooftop.

The two boys lay on top of piles of plush blankets surrounding them, keeping them warm from the cool air around them. The lay next to each other, legs tangled, and arms crossed behind their heads. All the fairy lights are turned off so they can see the stars more clearly. They both stare at the wide open sky full of stars above them in silence. The stars their only light against the pitch black color of the night.

“Ah…” Renjun breathes out. “Isn’t there just something so special about the stars that always make you feel so…”

“I don't even know...I can't even properly explain it. It's like they suck you into this trance. And you can't escape it.” Renjun says in a quiet voice. “I feel so small looking at them.”

“Yeah...me too.” Jaemin agrees in a low voice.

“It's so crazy. Don't you think?” Renjun asks. “We have all these worries and problems in life, but when I look at the stars I feel so much at peace.”

“I forget why I worry in the first place.” Renjun continues on.

“Sometimes I wish I could just float in space with them. Just for a day or two maybe. See what it feels like. See what they see.” Renjun giggles out before smiling up with his arms reached out towards the sky.

The two boys fall into silence and continue to gaze at the stars together in silence. Renjun is concentrating too hard on the constellations he’s trying to figure out to notice Jaemin staring at him.

“Injun-ah…” Jaemin softly calls out against the steady wind.

“Yeah?” Renjun whispers out.

Jaemin opens his mouth then closes it. “Nothing…”

Renjun concerningly looks to the side and faces the suddenly silent boy. “What is it, Jaemin?”

“It's nothing.” Jaemin says flatly, face unreadable.

Renjun reluctantly looks back up at the stars, trying his best to ignore the weird feeling in his chest. The two boys lay in silence once more.

“Jaemin?” Renjun faintly calls out.

“Mm?” Jaemin’s voice still sounding a bit strained.

“I'm glad you're here.”

“I'm glad you're here too.” 

“Today was really fun. I was really happy. I _am_ really happy.”

“Me too.” Jaemin breathes out.

Renjun turns his entire body to face Jaemin. The smaller boy reaches out his hand and runs his fingers through the taller boy’s soft messy bangs. Jaemin turns his head towards Renjun. Renjun stares directly into the sleepy boy’s hooded eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Renjun whispers.

Jaemin nods.

Renjun leans his face closer towards Jaemin and softly gives him a small kiss. He pulls back momentarily before leaning back in. This kiss was a bit different than the ones they had shared before. This kiss wasn’t gentle or soft. It wasn’t delicate or any bit graceful. It was rough and even a little harsh. It was full of intent and purpose. And Renjun wanted Jaemin to know exactly how he felt through this kiss. Renjun knew he had a hard time with words. He knew. He hoped Jaemin could see him. Could see how much he meant to him, when his words couldn’t do that for him.

Renjun pulls away briefly to catch a breath. Eyes closed, Renjun leans his forehead against Jaemin’s. Their breaths are shaky and unsteady against the silent air. Suddenly, Renjun shifts his weight so he’s cradling the taller boy beneath him. The two smile at each other. Renjun leans down and places a gentle kiss on Jaemin’s forehead. Then one on his small nose. Then one on his red lips. Then another on his red lips. And then another.

Jaemin places both of his hands besides Renjun’s head, the taller now leaning down and hovering above the smaller.

“You know, I really meant it.” Jaemin says firmly, looking down at the flushed boy below him. “I meant it when I said that I'm in love with you.”

Renjun, eyes closed, mind dizzy, and heart full, hums in response.

 _Are you in love with me too?_ Jaemin desperately wants to ask.

But he doesn't.

Renjun doesn't give him the time to ask anyways. The smaller wraps his arm behind the taller’s neck and pulls him down to place a lasting kiss on his lips, hoping somehow that the boy knew. Hoping like he always did.

The two kiss until they're both tired and drifting off to sleep. They lay in each other's arms under the peering stars until the only sound heard on the green rooftop is the sound of their soft snoring.

 

_________

 

“Injun-ah…”

Renjun blinks his eyes open to the sound of the familiar honey voice. He rubs his eyes before realizing he’s still on the rooftop beside Jaemin under the thick blankets, the night around them still extremely dark.

“Mmm...what time is it?” Renjun asks groggily, sitting up slowly.

“It’s around four in the morning. I know you're tired, but there's somewhere I want to take you.” Jaemin softly says, not wanting to bother the small sleepy boy than he already was.

“Right now?” Renjun whines while scrunching his eyebrows and face into a small scowl.

“Yeah, right now.” Jaemin confidently says while grinning.

Renjun wonders what could possibly be so important for Jaemin to wake him up at this ungodly hour. He hesitates, but trusts the boy and nods.

The two ride the bus for what seems like over two hours before finally arriving at the secret destination. Renjun had slept his entire way there and was still completely out of it while exiting the bus. Jaemin had lead Renjun safely to a bench, only bumping into a couple things here and there on their way.

Jaemin let’s Renjun lean his head on his shoulder and sleep a little more before finally softly nudging the smaller boy awake.

“Injun-ah...wake up. This is it.” Jaemin softly whispers.

Renjun breathes out before slowly opening up his eyes. He takes in the view before him as he blinks in awe. The sight before him feels like something from a fairytale far far away from where he should be. In front of him is a huge endless patch of yellow sunflowers, a yellow-pink reflection coloring them from the hue of the sunrise against them. The sky is shaded a soft pink with hints of yellow and orange, the sun quickly rising in the distance. Renjun feels like he’s floating in a cloud full of yellow flowers.

“Wow, I…” Renjun mutters out, open mouthed.

“I know...” Jaemin breathes out, eyes scanning the sight before him in wonder as well.

“It's incredible.” Renjun chimes, eyes beginning to shine, his once sleepy form nowhere in sight.

“Yeah, it is.” Jaemin smiles. “My mom use to bring me here when I was a kid. She use to always surprise me here on my birthday cause she knew I loved it so much.” Jaemin laughs. “I remember her chasing me all around the paths of the patch. This was the only place I feel like I laughed as much as I did back then.”

“You must have really treasured her.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin quietly replies. He looks down at his feet before looking back up at the view, not wanting to miss a second of it.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Jaemin.”

“You see, my dream is to hopefully...” Jaemin nervously chuckles out, slightly embarrassed by the thought. “My dream is to hopefully graduate from high school...and maybe I’ll go to college if I get the scholarships...but, my dream is to eventually open up a flower shop of my my own.”

“I know it sounds stupid and crazy-” Jaemin immediately begins to defend.

“No, Jaemin. It doesn't. It doesn’t sound stupid or crazy at all. And it isn't.” Renjun instantly reassures. “It sounds perfect.”

“It sounds perfect.” Renjun repeats.

 

“Do I have something on my nose?” Renjun asks. The sun was fully risen, and the once pink hue has become a soft orange that made everything look even more like a hazy dream. “Why do you keep staring at me like that?”

“Has anyone told you that you're beautiful?”

Renjun scoffs at Jaemin’s confident remark. Baffled by the boy, Renjun begins to shake his head. _This boy really had no filter._

“Did I tell you how much I like you already?”

Renjun scoffs again. “You’re too much sometimes…” Renjun mumbles out under his breath, unable to meet the eyes with the confident boy sitting right beside him.

“I like the way how your eyes sparkle when you talk about art or anything you like. I also like the way you start to mumble in Chinese when you get frustrated or embarrassed. It’s cute. And I like the way you bite your lips when your thinking a little too hard. And I like the way your eyes turn into little crescent moons when you laugh.” Jaemin can’t stop smiling. “And I like the way you can’t stop laughing when you find something remotely funny. I even like your moomin pajama pants and-”

Renjun cuts off the mumbling caramel colored haired boy with his lips before he can say any more. It was way too early in the morning for his weak heart to feel this way.

“Huang Injun, I like you so much, it’s driving me crazy.” Jaemin manages to mumble out.

 

_________

 

The two are on there way home from the long bus ride back from the sunflower patch. Renjun is snug on the back on Jaemin. Piggybacking Renjun was becoming quite the routine for Jaemin, but he didn’t mind it one bit. The smaller boy still weighed lighter than a feather, even with all the extra kimbaps he made and fed him constantly.

Renjun’s too deep asleep to notice Jaemin walking him up into his apartment. Jaemin gently lays Renjun down on his bed and tucks himself right beside the smaller boy, his eyes already closing on their own against his will. The two quickly fall asleep despite the birds chirping outside telling them to wake.

Renjun blinks his eyes awake to a sound asleep Jaemin beside him on the plush familiar bed beneath him after quite some time. The smaller boy reaches out a hand and brushes Jaemin’s ruffled hair out of his eyes and smiles at the snoring boy. Renjun breathes out a quiet sigh and closes his eyes for a moment before opening them back up, eyes unable to leave the puppy like boy across from him. Renjun reaches out again and begins to unconsciously trace Jaemin’s lips, not quite touching, not wanting to wake the boy up from whatever peaceful dream he seemed to be dreaming. Renjun shifts himself out of the bed, quietly as he can. He turns slightly to leave the bed when all of the sudden Jaemin’s hand tugs on his fleeting hand.

Jaemin holds onto the smaller boy’s hand and mumbles out, still half asleep. “Don't leave me, too...”

Renjun frowns at the boy’s soft sincere words. Renjun quickly returns next to Jaemin and tucks his head underneath his chin and wraps himself around him.

“I could never...”

Renjun instantly falls back asleep in his arms, his hold on the boy tighter than before, scared if he released him even a bit he would disappear from his grasp.

 


	8. ❊

 

_________

 

Renjun quickly enters the classroom, a little behind schedule than normal. He notices the usual banana milk on his desk and swiftly takes it into his hands like he always does. Renjun glances towards the other side of the room next to the windows and sees Jaemin laying his head down on his desk. Renjun gives a small smile at the boy before taking his seat besides Haechan.

“Hey. How was the trip?” Renjun asks in one breath as he begins to peel the banana milk.

“Boring without you, obviously.” Haechan jokingly death glares. Renjun rolls his eyes and takes a small sip before starting to simultaneously take his books out from his bag. Haechan shrugs. “It was fun. Mark wouldn't stop clinging on to me. It was honestly getting a little annoying.”

Renjun pauses all of his motions and looks towards Haechan. “ _Mark_ couldn’t stop clinging onto _you_?” Renjun asks with a look in his eyes that screamed a ‘ _I know that’s a big fat lie_ ’.

Haechan lets out a small snicker then straightens out his back and sighs. “Okay. Fine. _I_ couldn’t stop clinging onto him. Whatever. _Happy_?”

“Anyways, it was pretty fun. I wish you would've come. How was your weekend with your lover boy?” Haechan asks while peeling a sausage.

Renjun smiles to himself.

“Okay, I'm guessing good.” Haechan observes.

Renjun smiles some more while blinking heart eyes down towards the banana milk in his hands.

“Okay, _really_ good then.”

“I can’t believe you actually stopped the bus halfway there and begged teacher to get off. It was _so_ fucking dramatic.” Haechan recalls. “I loved it.”

Renjun thinks back to this past Friday. He remembers squirming in his seat the entire way there, unable to ignore the awful feeling bubbling in his chest. He remembers just randomly bolting up from his seat and heading towards the front of the bus. He had begged the teacher for what seemed like a whole thirty-minutes to let him off the bus until he finally agreed. The teacher had told him once he got off he couldn’t come back on, but Renjun had already made his decision the moment the bus started. Once he had finally gotten off, he ran to the nearest bus stop to start his long way back home to Jaemin.

Haechan sighs for the fifth time in his seat.

“Haechan, you've sighed over _three_ times now in the span of a minute. What's wrong? Did something happen?” Renjun concernedly asks, his concentration on his school work continually interrupted by the obvious troubled boy beside him.

“No, it's nothing. I just...I've been planning the stupid field day coming up next week with the other class presidents and I'm just so fucking stressed out and it's-”

“Field day?”

“Yeah. I mean it's _optional_. But everyone weirdly looks forward to it. Like it's the olympics or some shit. So extra." Haechan grumbles out while rolling his eyes. "I mean we always know who's going to win every year anyways. So it's a bit anticlimactic, if you ask me.” Haechan admits. “Surprise, surprise. Jeno’s won every single year and so has the homeroom he was in every year too.”

“That kid’s a _monster_. Like what does he even eat?” Haechan dramatically says, eyes wide. "I remember when he was a first year and he had beaten all the older kids like it was no big deal. Woo-wee! You should have seen the look on their faces. It was so fucking great." Haechan recalls while whistling at the vivid memory. “You don’t _have_ to come if you don't want to. But, I mean, I’d appreciate it if you did so my hard work didn’t go _all_ to waste.”

“Yeah. I’ll think about it.”

_________

 

Renjun catches sight of the taller caramel colored haired boy making his way to the short lunch line in the school cafeteria. He quickly follows and pulls on the back of his school uniform blazer once he’s behind him.

“Hey!” Renjun calls out.

Jaemin turns around and smiles brightly at the boy in front of him.

“Hey to you too.” Jaemin says while making room for him in line.

The two grab their meals and are headed to their usual table that consisted of Haechan and his two close friends, Jisung and Chenle.

“So...what do you think about the field day coming up next week?” Renjun asks out of the blue.

“The what?”

“The field day?” Renjun slowly asks again, a bit hesitant, wondering if he had mispronounced something in Korean.

 _Was that not what Haechan had said?_ Renjun thinks to himself.

“Oh. _That_. Huh...now that you ask...I don’t really know. I’ve never gone.” Jaemin plainly says.

“Eh?” Renjun looks up at the boy a tad disapprovingly _and_ disappointedly. “You haven’t gone _once_ your three years in high school here?”

“I guess not.” Jaemin nonchalantly says.

“Oh…” Renjun replies dejectedly with his eyebrows knit together, a small frown forming on his face.

“Why? Did you want to go?” Jaemin asks right away.

“Oh!” Renjun’s face brightens up immediately. “Yeah, I mean...I guess. I don’t know. Don’t you think it’d be fun? Plus, Haechan said he’s been working really hard planning it out and stuff.” Renjun rambles.

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t really go to stuff like that. It always ends up being stupid and a waste of my time.” Jaemin says a little too harshly for what it was.

“Y-yeah…” Renjun unwillingly agrees, eyebrows knit together again, frown quickly forming. “Stupid…” Renjun mutters under his breath.

“So you’re going to go?” Jaemin asks.

“Probably not…” Renjun replies quietly.

 

_________

 

Renjun awkwardly peers out towards the big open field from behind the gathered unfamiliar students around him. Renjun told himself earlier this week that he wouldn’t come out to the anticipated field day for many reasons. The biggest being the fact Jaemin wasn’t going to come. But also because the weather was apparently supposed to be super whack. Either way, Renjun was shocked _himself_ that he came out. He supposes it was Haechan who had convinced him otherwise. The boy kept telling him at first it was fine if he didn’t show up, but would continuously whine at him near the end of the day telling him to come. That boy had so many different mood shifts it scared Renjun to think what would happen if he _hadn’t_ come out. He knew Haechan would be silently upset at him the days following the field day.

Renjun grimaces at the strangely bright sun and stands alone in silence. The students around him are chattering with each other and laughing at jokes amongst themselves. Since it was the school’s field day there were lots of faces he didn't recognize and felt even more out of place than he normally felt.

Renjun jumps in place when someone hugs him from behind.

“Renjunnie! Thanks for coming. God, I thought I was going to die out here alone. Everyone is pissing me off already. I hate the high school olympics. I hate it.” Haechan grumbles out. Renjun looks at Haechan and smiles at the sporty looking boy. He’s holding a clipboard in his hands and has a bright red sweatband across his forehead, indicating that he was a third year.

“Of course, Haechan. And I’m sure it’ll be fun.” Renjun convinces the boy and himself. “Wow don’t _you_ look official.” Renjun laughs out while looking him up and down.

“Yeah, I mean I guess the best part about field day is the attire. I can’t deny how good I look in this.” Haechan devilishly grins while spinning in the color coordinated sporty field day uniform each class was required to wear. “Hey, I have to go set up some more things. Just stay here until we call our year out to the field, okay?”

“Okay.” Renjun says as he nods and gives Haechan a small reassuring smile.

“And don’t be afraid to talk to some of the other classes! They don’t bite!” Haechan calls out to remind him as he runs out to the field.

Renjun sighs and looks around the crowd, still slightly intimidated and nervous at how many people are gathered around the edge of the field. Unconsciously, Renjun picks up several voices from behind him.

“Are you sure?”

“No, that can't be.”

“That's _so_ strange!”

“What's Na Jaemin doing out here?”

“What? Na Jaemin? Like _third year_ Na Jaemin?”

“Yes! That's what I've been telling you!”

“Is that Na Jaemin?” Another voice says.

“What, no. It can't be. He'd _never_ come out to something like this.”

“That _is_ Na Jaemin!” the girl’s behind him squeal out.

Renjun curiously peers behind him and turns around to see Jaemin walking in a beeline straight towards him.

“Jaemin!” Renjun beams out once the taller boy is now in front of him. “You came!”

Jaemin grimaces at the sun in his eyes. The frowning boy squints and blinks with a scowl and looks around the packed crowd before looking at Renjun. He immediately gives the smaller a soft smile once his eyes reach him. “Yeah, I thought it’d be foolish of me to miss out our last year here, right?”

“Right.” Renjun chirps out, mood extremely brighter than before.

Jaemin grimaces again at the heat in the air and plucks the side of his shorts already starting to stick against his thighs.

“God, it’s as if they actually think it’s the olympics.” Jaemin says as he looks around the loud buzzing crowd of students. “And why are these shorts so goddamn short. Why do we even have to wear these ridiculous outfits?” Jaemin scoffs out in annoyance.

Renjun laughs at the bothered boy grimacing. “Don’t worry, you’ve got quite the legs, Na Jaemin.”

“Oh, do I?” Jaemin smirks. Renjun and Jaemin burst out in laughter together.

The two are interrupted when a girl beside them taps Jaemin on the shoulder.

“Jaemin sunbaenim…” The girl shyly says with her eyes cast down towards the ground. “I was wondering if you wanted this water…” The girl says as she hands Jaemin a newly packaged cold water bottle politely with both of her hands. “I noticed the weather’s really hot today…”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Jaemin says flatly as he accepts the water bottle.

The girl beams up at Jaemin with a wide smile. She’s about to say something before Jaemin immediately turns around and swiftly hands the water bottle to Renjun.

“Here, drink this.” Jaemin nonchalantly demands as he pops open the cap, shoving the bottle into Renjun’s hands. “The weather’s apparently going to get really hot later on. Make sure to stay hydrated. I don’t want to see you faint or anything like that.” Jaemin says with concern.

Renjun stares at the water bottle in his hands with wide eyes then back at the girl in front of them. The look the girl is giving him is full of daggers and what looks like envy. Renjun looks back at the water bottle then at Jaemin whose attention is already gone from the girl in front of them.

The girl mutters something under her breath before disappearing into the crowd.

Renjun hesitantly takes a sip from the water bottle. “Sometimes, I can’t believe how stupid you are.” Renjun says while rolling his eyes at Jaemin.

Jaemin shrugs and takes the water bottle out of Renjun’s hands and takes a drink.

 

_________

 

The field day consisted of tons and tons of different strenuous activities. Currently the third year’s were first place in the class rankings, thanks to a certain soccer team captain. And unsurprisingly, Lee Jeno was first place when it came to the individual rankings amongst the entire student school body.

Renjun is sitting on the bench between observing students looking out to the track lanes on the edge of the field. It was time for the boys individual one hundred meter race. Each year was able to have up to two different participants to compete against each other and the other year’s participants for this particular match.

As expected Lee Jeno was the first participant who had volunteered for the third year’s. Unexpectedly, Na Jaemin was the second participant who had volunteered himself.

Renjun is unawarely biting his nails, nervous for both Jaemin _and_ Jeno. He had absolutely no idea and prior thought that Jaemin would even _consider_ volunteering himself for any activity, especially one that required a lot of effort and exertion. Not to mention, the possible outcome of losing and embarrassing himself in front of the entire school body. Renjun cringes at the thought and continues to bite his already short nails away.

The boys are all lined up beside each other in their respective lane. They’re all in position, waiting for the starting signal from one of the president’s on the side of the tracks.

Jeno turns his head slightly towards Jaemin, who was right next to his own lane. “Hey, good luck.”

“Be careful not to trip.” Jeno genuinely cautions.

“Thanks. You too.” Jaemin breathes out sharply.

Jeno nods his head and gives the boy beside him a small smile.

The president in charge of the one hundred meter race finally gives the signal to go. Right as the signal goes off all of the boy’s dash from their spots towards the finish line. The crowd is cheering wildly from the unexpected turn of events. Jaemin is currently first place, beating Jeno and the rest of the participants with a wide gap.

Renjun immediately stands up from his seat as Jaemin is taking first place in the race. The shouts around him are deafening. Renjun unconsciously clenches his fists in front of him as Jaemin is already nearing the finish line. In a blink of an eye, Jeno quickly catches up next to Jaemin. Right as they’re both arriving to the end of the finish line Jeno beats Jaemin by a second.

Renjun lets out a frustrated sigh at the results and sits down as the crowd is cheering even wilder than before.

Jaemin is breathing heavily while bending down, his sweaty hands against his knees. He feels a pat on his back.

“Hey, good job Jaemin. That was a really close one. You almost got me there.” Jeno says cheerfully while smiling, just as breathless.

Jaemin clenches his fists before shoving Jeno’s hand off of his back. “Yeah. Almost.”

Jaemin walks away back to the benches on the side where the crowd is gathered. Everyone around him begins to give him regretful stares, words of encouragement, and pitiful sorry’s. Jaemin wants to disappear. A big scowl forms on his face and he suddenly feels suffocated from all the touches on his shoulder and all the empty words spoken at him. A familiar unwanted feeling he had once felt a while back when he was younger begins to stir in his chest. Jaemin starts to heave in place and clutches onto his chest as he begins to have trouble breathing.

“Hey, are you okay?” A student asks while placing a hand on his arm.

“Don’t touch me.” Jaemin spits out as he harshly shoves the stranger’s hand off of his arm.

“What’s wrong with him?” Another student says.

“He’s just being dramatic. It wasn’t even as if he could actually beat _the_ Lee Jeno.” Another student laughs out mockingly.

Jaemin squeezes his eyes shut as he begins to feel dizzy. His legs lose feeling and he feels like he’s about to fall when all of the sudden a tight grip pulls him up steadily.

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re okay, you’re okay.” Renjun whispers gently. “I’m here, I’m here. It’s me, Renjun. Breathe, Jaemin-ah. Breathe.” Renjun softly utters out as he caresses the boy in his arms.

The wide eyed students give both of them room as Renjun leads Jaemin away from the crowd and towards a bench far far away from the field near the school.

 

“Thank you.” Jaemin finally manages to say out after his breathing had calmed down significantly.

Renjun squeezes Jaemin’s hand in response and sweeps the caramel colored haired boy’s sweaty messy bangs out of his eyes.

“You did well out there.” Renjun says, referring to the race.

Jaemin scoffs at the recent event fresh in his mind. “I don’t even know why I bothered. I don’t even like running.” Jaemin admits.

“Jaemin. You got second place! You did great. Really.” Renjun reminds and assures the dejected boy.

Jaemin chuckles out at Renjun, the boy obviously giving his best effort in trying to be cheerful for him.

“I think I was just trying to prove myself or something…”

“To the school...to Jeno…”

“To you.”

Renjun laughs out loudly at Jaemin.

Jaemin just stares at the strange boy laughing beside him with wide eyes.

“Jaemin...you have _nothing_ to prove.” Renjun laughs out. “It’s just a stupid race. Just a stupid game. It’s just stupid field day.”

“Why even bother.” Renjun shrugs.

“I think you were right. I think this whole field day thing really is stupid. And a big waste of our time.”

Jaemin glances from the side and smiles at Renjun.

“We can go if you want. Leave, I mean.” The smaller boy suggests while pointing near the exit of the school.

“No.” Jaemin immediately says while sighing. “No, let’s go back and finish the day. I feel better now.”

“Are you sure, Jaemin?” Renjun asks again. “I really don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Let’s go.” Jaemin says while standing up. “Like you said, there’s nothing for me to prove. It’s just a stupid game. But I still want to play. This is the only technical free day we’ll get until winter break.” Jaemin finishes as he holds out his hand for Renjun.

Renjun takes his hand and smiles before the two walk back towards the field, hand in hand.

 

_________ 

 

For one of the last activities of the day the students are paired up with a partner. They rotate with a different partner every couple minutes until the game is over. Essentially it was just a small game for the class to get to know each other a little better. The two had to toss a single water balloon until they were far enough that it popped. Once it popped you moved onto a different partner.

Renjun moves onto his next partner. He looks up to see it’s Lee Jeno. Renjun takes in a deep breath.

“Hey…” Jeno says softly.

“Hey…” Renjun returns. The air is painfully awkward and Renjun wishes he could vanish.

“I-” Jeno starts to say.

“I-” Renjun says at the same time Jeno begins speaking.

“Sorry, you go.” Jeno politely says.

“N-no. You should.” Renjun says.

The two toss the water balloon back and forth as they stumble with their words.

“I’m really sorry, Renjun. For-” Jeno manages to say. “For you know...”

“Jeno, I-” Renjun begins, accidentally tossing the water balloon a little harder than he intended to. The balloon pops with a loud sound, water splashing all over Jeno.

“Next!” Haechan loudly yells impossibly close into Jeno’s ear as he passes by the pair.

Jeno wants to say something, but is ushered away by Haechan who is pushing him towards another different student far far away from Renjun.

Renjun has his mouth opened and follows Jeno with his eyes before something blocks his vision, or _someone._

“Why are you looking at him?” Jaemin questions suspiciously. “Don’t look at him.”

Renjun scoffs at the boy in front of him and rolls his eyes.

Jaemin turns around to death glare Jeno from afar and instinctively reaches out to pull Renjun closer to him protectively. Renjun shoves Jaemin softly away as he reaches down to grab a new water balloon from the floor.

Jaemin continues to eye Jeno as Renjun continues to gaze at the black haired boy from afar as they’re tossing the water balloon back and forth.

“Why do you keep looking at him?” Jaemin asks skeptically, squinting his eyes.

Renjun tilts his head at the attentive boy and begins to grin. “Are you... _jealous_ right now, Na Jaemin?”

“What? Me? No!” Jaemin scoffs as he throws the balloon back at Renjun a little harder than his previous tosses. “Maybe?”

Renjun catches the water balloon in his hands and raises his eyebrows at the boy across from him.

“Okay. Yes.” Jaemin finally admits. “Don’t hang around him so much.”

Renjun gives Jaemin a visible sharp glare despite their distance.

“Please?” Jaemin calls out in a high pitched voice.

“He’s just a friend.” Renjun reassures the jealous boy in a flat tone. Renjun tosses the balloon far towards Jaemin. Jaemin tries his best to catch it softly, but fails. Renjun laughs out loudly at the frowning wet boy and walks towards him.

“You think anyone can compare with your stupid little face?” Renjun chuckles out as he grabs and softly shakes Jaemin’s small face with his hand.

“You think my face looks stupid?” Jaemin manages to whine out despite being squished between Renjun's grasp.

“I think your face _always_ looks stupid.”

Jaemin frowns.

“But I love stupid.”

Jaemin smiles.

_________  
 

For the very last activity of the day all classes from all the years got together to play the most anticipated game of the entire day. Dodgeball. There was this really weird competitive thing when it came to Koreans and dodgeball. And Renjun was sort of intimidated and worried from how serious some of the games got.

Renjun is on the sidelines when all of the sudden Haechan calls out his name.

“Renjun-ah! Could you sub one of the player for this round?” Haechan asks from the other end.

Renjun, still a bit hesitant about the intense game thinks for a second before nodding his head and running towards the back of their team. He feels a little reassured knowing Jaemin is in the same team. Jaemin looks back towards Renjun and gives a small smile before looking back forwards.

The game is almost over, and strangely Renjun still isn’t out. He gives himself credit for being swift and fast in order to dodge all the hard balls aimed his way. Thankfully, Jaemin is doing well too and is still in the game. Renjun is out of breath from all the running and dodging that’s been going on for quite awhile now. He clutches his knees and bends down to catch his breath real quick.

Renjun hears his name being called out by what sounds like Jaemin, Haechan, and Jeno as his head is hanging down. Renjun quickly looks up to see what the fuss is about, but is met directly in the chest with the red ball.

Renjun tumbles down sideways from the harsh impact and lands on his butt and scrapes his arm against the concrete. Renjun groans in pain and looks down to see his once white sock slowly turn red. Renjun gasps out in shock at the sight of the blood and clutches onto his ankle.

“Injun-ah!” Jaemin calls out as he runs his way towards the fallen smaller boy on the ground.

“Yah! Are you okay?” Jaemin breathlessly asks as he bends down to scan the hurt boy. Jaemin gently takes Renjun’s arm and looks at the red scratch concerningly. Jaemin gasps out at the wound then looks down to see Renjun clutching onto his ankle. “Let me see, let me see.”

“No, it’s okay, Jaemin. I’m fine!” Renjun laughs out nervously as he tries to cover up the blood stain forming on his sock.

“Let me see.” Jaemin says again trying to pry his hand off of his ankle.

“No! I’m fine, Jaemin!” Renjun says louder than he intended to.

“This won't do...” Jaemin mumbles out while shaking his head. All of the sudden Renjun is yelping as he’s lifted into the air bridal style by the taller boy.

The students around them chatter amongst themselves immediately at the sight. A couple whistles and shouts are heard around them.

Renjun instantly shoves his face into the crook of Jaemin’s shoulder to hide his growing blush and whispers only loud enough for Jaemin to hear. “I said I was fine...”  

_________

 

“Jaemin-ah, could you wrap this around Renjun’s ankle while I go get some ice for him?” The nurse asks.

“Of course. Thank you, again. We’ll be right here.” Jaemin smiles as he’s handed a wrap from the nurse. He watches the nurse leave the room and dashes back to Renjun’s infirmary bed and kneels down.

Renjun watches Jaemin intently as the boy begins to take his shoe and sock off of his foot for him. “I can do it, Jaemin.” Renjun says as he tries to push Jaemin’s hand away from his ankle.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll do it for you. Just sit there, Injun-ah.” Jaemin firmly says as he starts to wrap his ankle for him gently. Renjun scoffs out as Jaemin wraps up the smaller boy’s ankle with what the nurse had given him, “I can take care of myself now, Jaemin. It’s really fine.”

“Alright, Mr. I wear moomin pajamas to sleep.” Jaemin teases while finishing up wrapping his ankle. “Hey! What's that got to do with anything?” Renjun cries out.

“I’m just saying...” Jaemin snickers. Renjun punches Jaemin lightly in the shoulder. “I thought you said you liked them. Liar.” Renjun says while glaring at the boy below him. Jaemin makes a face that resembles a deer caught in the light before chuckling out nervously and quickly changing the subject. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I promise I feel fine. And look!” Renjun exclaims while rolling his ankle to prove his point. “It doesn’t hurt one bit.”

Jaemin softly wraps his hand around the small patched up ankle and lets out a relieved sigh.

“You worry too much.” Renjun whispers out as he traces above Jaemin’s fingers wrapped around his ankle.

“You get hurt too easily.” Jaemin whispers back, eyes now following the movements of Renjun’s small thin fingers.

“But I have you.” Renjun reminds the caramel color haired boy. 

“Am I enough though?”

Renjun wants to say yes. He wants to shout it out. Yell it from the top of his lungs. But instead he swallows his words, like he always does. An unbearable silence fills the room. All he can seem to do is close his eyes shut, wanting to ignore the way the sharp thorn in his chest is squirming around. The room is uncomfortably silent. Renjun opens his eyes. He leans down and places a soft kiss on Jaemin’s chapped lips. Jaemin pulls on Renjun’s collar lightly to bring him nearer.

The air feels weird. Despite their kisses, they can both feel the heavy tension in the air. Like there’s a desperate need for certain words to be spoken. For certain words to be said. But the two continue to stay silent. The only noise in air the sound of their shaky breaths and the desperation laced between each kiss. Renjun wraps his arms around Jaemin’s neck and brings him even closer to him.

An unexpected small tear falls down onto Jaemin’s cheeks from the corner of Renjun’s eye.

“Are you crying? Why are you crying?” Jaemin confusedly asks against the smaller boy’s shaking lip. Renjun shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut in effort to keep any more tears from falling.

“Don’t cry. Don't cry, Injun-ah...” Jaemin gently says as he wipes the crying boy’s tears off his wet cheeks. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry...don’t cry, Injun-ah.” Jaemin pleads. Renjun shakes his head again. Jaemin pulls Renjun into a tight hug as Renjun clutches his arms tighter around Jaemin’s neck. 

"I'm sorry..." Jaemin repeats.

 


	9. ❊

 

_________

 

Jaemin twirls the cold object in his hands around one last time before slipping it back onto his wrist. With a small sigh and an encouraging smile to himself he finally opens up his phone and dials the number he had wanted to call since earlier this morning.

“Hey, are you busy right now?” Jaemin asks into his phone.

“No, what’s wrong?” Renjun quickly asks, wondering whether or not it was a call that was going to end up making him concerned.

“Nothing's wrong. Can you meet me up at the rooftop in five? There's something I want to give you.” Jaemin says in a plain voice, not wanting to give any hint away to the smaller boy on the line.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you up there after I finish this last problem.” Renjun replies softly before ending the call.

Renjun stares down at the blank page below him. He’s been on this last problem for what feels like over thirty minutes now, unable to concentrate from all the endless thoughts flooding his mind and the ceaseless loud beating in his chest.

Renjun can't seem to stop thinking about that one word Jaemin had nonchalantly blurted out on field day. As much as he's tried to forget it, the memory continues to replay in his head over and over and over again. Renjun thinks back to that day.

 

The school nurse had come back with an ice pack for Renjun and had dismissed the two boys out of the office after she hastily deemed Renjun in good condition to return back.

Right as Renjun and Jaemin leave the nurse’s office, closing the door behind them, the two are faced with a familiar boy with black hair.

“Jeno.” Renjun calls out.

Jeno had come by the nurse’s office after the last field day activity to come and check up on Renjun’s condition.

“Renjun.” Jeno squints his eyes. “Jaemin…”

Jeno looks at the view laid out before him. He looks at Renjun first and notices his red rimmed and watery eyes. He darts his eyes to Jaemin and notices his hair is sticking up all over the place. He looks back again at Renjun then quickly back at Jaemin. Their lips are both similarly red and noticeably swollen. He quickly shakes the thought out of his head.

“I was just checking to see if you were okay.” Jeno directs at Renjun.

Renjun opens his mouth, about to answer, when Jaemin beats him to it.

“He’s fine.” Jaemin firmly says as he wraps his arm protectively around Renjun waist to pull him closer.

Renjun takes a sharp glance at Jaemin before looking back at Jeno. “I'm fine, Jeno. Thanks.”

“That's a relief.” Jeno sighs out. “I was wondering if we could talk.”

Jeno looks at Jaemin then back at Renjun. “Alone.”

“Sorry, he can't.” Jaemin sharply says.

Jeno gives Jaemin an irked glare before he shifts his gaze to Renjun. He sends a puzzled and awaiting look at Renjun, eyebrows visibly knit together in question.

Renjun gives an apologetic look towards Jeno before glancing up at Jaemin, who is visibly scowling with a hard look on his face. “I...” Renjun tries to start.

“He can't. Now if you'll excuse us.” Jaemin interjects again as he tries to lead Renjun and himself past Jeno, arm still securely wrapped around Renjun’s small waist.

Jeno grabs onto Renjun’s arm as Jaemin tries to flee from Jeno’s equally piercing hard glare.

“I’m not talking to you, Na Jaemin. I’m talking to Renjun.” Jeno says sharply. The air suddenly feels tense and painfully uneasy.

“Can we talk alone, Renjun?” Jeno softly asks the quiet small boy trapped between the two childish boys.

“You can't.” Jaemin answers again, not letting any room for Renjun to have the chance to answer.

“What's your problem? Quit talking for him. It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything, so stop-”

“He  _is_ my boyfriend.” Jaemin confidently announces.

Jeno closes his mouth at Jaemin’s sudden words, an unreadable expression beginning to distort Jeno’s face.

Renjun whips his head up and looks at Jaemin with the widest doe eyes, speechless.

_Boyfriend. Boyfriend? Boyfriend._

Before Renjun or Jeno can say anything Jaemin grabs onto Renjun tighter and pulls him far far away down the hall, away from a bewildered and unmoving Jeno.

The two are walking down the empty hallway in silence when Renjun stops in place.

“Yah, Na Jaemin. What was that back there?” Renjun angrily asks the taller boy with a glare as soon as he’s sent back to reality after a few minutes of being in his usual Jaemin filled trance. “Why are you always like that to Jeno?”

Jaemin scoffs at the once again oblivious boy. “Jeno obviously has feelings for you.”

Renjun knits his eyebrows at Jaemin’s remark. “We’re just-”

“Just friends?” Jaemin finishes. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course, Jaemin! Why would you think-”

“Did he tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Did he ever _tell_ you that you guys are _just_ _friends?_ ”

Renjun opens his mouth to say something before closing it in silence, unable to give the boy a truthful answer.

“Have you seen the way that boy looks at you, Injun?” Jaemin chuckles out while shaking his head.

“I hate it.” Jaemin hisses out. “I fucking hate it.”

“Stop hanging around him. Just stay away from him.” Jaemin says while scowling, still apparently bothered.

“I already told you. We’re _just friends_. And why are you getting so upset about this? It’s not actually like your my boyfriend, Jaemin.” Renjun clarifies while shaking his head. “You’re acting ridiculous.”

Jaemin tilts his head in confusion as he takes several steps closer to the smaller boy. “Isn't that what we are though? Boyfriends?”

“I thought...I thought that we established that the day you granted me my three wishes.”

“I mean, but that was just-”

“Just what? Just a joke?” Jaemin asks, eyebrows scrunched together. “Am I just a big joke to you then?”

“No, Jaemin. I never said that.” Renjun sighs out. “That's not what I meant. It's just...I just…” Renjun looks down at his feet to avoid Jaemin’s unwavering stare at him. “I don’t like labels.”

“Oh, really?” Jaemin says as he takes another step closer to Renjun. “Then what do you like?” Another step.

Jaemin continues to corner the smaller boy, backing him up one step at a time, until Renjun’s back hits the wall.

“I-I don't know…” Renjun stutters out. Renjun glances up to look up at Jaemin to instantly look down again, unable to handle the way Jaemin is staring at him.

“If I’m not your boyfriend than what am I to you?” Jaemin asks with an unfaltering tone as he gently pushes Renjun further into the wall.

“If I'm not your boyfriend then what are we?”

Renjun’s heart is beating impossibly fast from how close Jaemin is. Renjun shyly avoids his stare and peeks to his side, worriedly looking down the hallways, hoping no one was there.

“I-I…” Renjun stutters again.

“Am I just...a pretty face to you?” Jaemin breathes out, impossibly close.

“No, but-” Renjun quietly whispers out as he shakes his head while trying to push Jaemin’s chest away from him.

“Am I just a small fling to you?” Jaemin asks, trying to look straight into Renjun’s eyes, only to fail a second later. Unable to help himself, his eyes flutter down to Renjun’s glossy lips.

Renjun shakes his head again in frustration. “N-no, Jaemin. But-”

“Am I an embarrassment to you?” Jaemin asks in a quiet voice, face painted with what almost looks like disappointment.

“No.” Renjun irritatedly answers.

“Am I not-”

“Can you just-”

Renjun roughly grabs Jaemin’s collar and pulls him down. Tired and done from the never-ending words coming out of Jaemin’s mouth, Renjun crashes his lips onto his to finally shut him up. Jaemin tries to pull back, but Renjun quickly wraps a hand around his neck, fingers finding their way to the taller boy’s locks in a matter of seconds. Renjun softly tugs him down, not giving the caramel color haired boy a choice, but to be smothered in messy kisses. Renjun pulls back once he deems the two don’t have enough air in their lungs to breathe.

“ _Shut up_ for one second.”

Jaemin opens his mouth to say something, a hazy look in his eyes, but Renjun immediately gives him another kiss again to shut him up, not giving the boy an opportunity to speak out just yet.

Renjun pulls back and sighs out as he looks up at Jaemin’s hooded eyes, the silly boy now completely dazed from all the kisses. Renjun chuckles out softly at the sight before him.

“You can be my boyfriend.” Renjun defeatedly breathes out.

All Jaemin does in response is give the smaller boy a goofy smile before leaning down to give him one last smooch.

Renjun scowls. “Happy now?”

“Very.” Jaemin manages to mumble out.

 

Five minutes past by in a blink of an eye. Renjun is still staring at the paper when he looks up to notice the time on the clock. Rapidly blinking away the trance he was in a second ago, Renjun gets up, already completely decided on giving up in trying to solve the problem.

Renjun enters up the rooftop to see Jaemin leaning against the edge. He silently chuckles to himself and walks quietly up to him from behind, not making a single sound. Right as he’s directly behind him, Renjun hugs him from behind in a shocked manner, attempting to scare the taller boy. Renjun giggles as Jaemin turns around to face him.

“Did I scare you?”

Jaemin chuckles out and ruffles the boy’s brown head of hair. “If that's what you want.”

Renjun punches Jaemin’s shoulder softly and rolls his eyes. “That’s not how it works.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Jaemin apologizes. “Woo~” Jaemin says while waving his fingers in Renjun’s face. “I’m so scared! Help!” Jaemin playfully says in an obviously fake, scared, and high pitched voice. “Huang Injun’s got me!”

Renjun laughs at the silly boy in front of him. “What was it you needed to give me?” Renjun finally asks after their laughter dies down completely.

Jaemin takes Renjun’s wrist and brings it up for him to see. He gently traces the three moles on his wrist with his thumb, noticing that the prominent moles looked something like a constellation he’d seen before in the night sky. Jaemin let’s go of Renjun’s wrist and turns around to grab something from the ledge before turning back around. Jaemin hands a small gift box that’s wrapped nicely with a red ribbon into Renjun’s empty hands.

Renjun gives Jaemin a puzzled look before slowly opening the small box. Inside the box is a thin and shiny rose gold bracelet. Renjun opens his mouth only to close it a second later.

“Jaemin, I-” Renjun manages to get out.

“They were my parents. They had them their entire lives the time they were together. I...I want you to have it, Injun.” Jaemin bursts out shyly. Jaemin brings his own left wrist up and shows him his matching silver bracelet, shining brightly against the setting sun. “See, I have one too.” Jaemin beams out while smiling widely.

“Jaemin, I can't-” Renjun quietly breathes out as he tries to hand the box back to Jaemin.

“Renjun, please. Just take it.” Jaemin pleads as he pushes the box back towards Renjun.

“Jaemin I-” Renjun tries to start before closing his mouth, beginning to bite his lips in hesitation.

“It's okay.”

Renjun looks up at Jaemin, mouth in a thin line, face and emotions unreadable.

“I just want you to have it, okay?” Jaemin says softly as he takes the bracelet out of the box and places it gently onto Renjun’s thin wrist.

Renjun bites his lips before opening his mouth to say something.

“You don't have to say anything, Injun.” Jaemin reassures the smaller boy while giving him a smile only reserved for him. “I know.”

Renjun looks down at the rose gold bracelet now snug on his wrist. The color complemented Renjun’s skin tone almost perfectly, as if the bracelet was meant for him. Renjun looks back up at the boy in front of him tenderly. Renjun engulfs Jaemin into a big hug, pushing the boy and himself back slightly from the hard impact.

“Woah, there! Since when did you get this strong, Injun?” Jaemin teasingly coughs out. “It must be all the kimbaps I’ve been feeding you.” Jaemin snickers as he returns the hug just as tightly.

Renjun stays silent against Jaemin’s chest. Wanting to make this moment last a little longer. Wanting to be held in the arms of the boy that meant so much to him a little longer.

 

_________

 

“Huang Renjun, what is this?” Winwin asks Renjun as he picks up the empty gift box wrapped nicely with a ribbon from the corner of the dinner table.

Renjun snatches the box out of Winwin’s hands. “It's nothing.” Renjun quickly says as he shoves the small box underneath the table into his lap along with hands, out of sight.

“Renjun, I’m not going to ask again. What is that?” Winwin asks with a firm voice.

“It's nothing.” Renjun flatly says while looking down.

“Did someone give something to you?” Winwin asks, standing tall above a sitting and small looking Renjun.

Renjun avoids eye contact with his intimidating brother and shakes his head slowly.

“You don’t perhaps...like someone? Do you?” Winwin abruptly asks, a judgemental look plastered across his perfect face.

Renjun shrugs his shoulders.

Winwin scoffs at his younger brother. “Don't tell me you have feelings for someone.”

“So what if I do?” Renjun retorts right away.

Winwin sighs and shakes his head. “What did I tell you when we got to Korea? I said not to get attached to anything. _Or_ anyone.”

“It's not like it's any of your business anyways.” Renjun sharply says back, a scowl beginning to distort his delicate features.

“I'm only telling you this because I know you'll get hurt in the end, Renjun.”

Renjun blinks back the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “You don't know anything.” Renjun hisses out.

Winwin shakes his head again. “I'm out here working my ass off day _and_ night and you're out here playing around with your little friends like you have absolutely no care in the world.”

“That's not true.” Renjun quickly defends, voice cracking.

“Stop fooling around and focus on your studies. It's the _least_ you can do.”

“I can never have what I want, can I…” Renjun mutters out under his breath.

“What?” Winwin sharply says. “Renjun, how many times have I told you to stop mumbling. Speak clearly. I can't hear you.”

“ _I said,_ I can never have what I want! Can I?” Renjun shouts, fists now clenched above the table. “Why do I always have to do what _you_ want? It’s always what _you_ want. It's always what _you_ think is best.” Renjun says loudly in one breath. “I'm a person too! I have feelings too! I can want things too!”

“Why is it always just you? Why is it always about _you?"_  Renjun finishes quietly, voice trembling.

All Winwin does in response is shake his head disapprovingly. “This is why I told you not to get attached to anything. You always end up whining and crying like the little baby you are. Renjun, when are you going to grow up? We don't have time to make friends and play all day. I have to work. For the both of us. And _you_ need to focus on your schooling so you can actually graduate. Either way. Like I always say, don't get attached. Everything is temporary.”

Winwin sighs once more and grabs his keys from the kitchen counter. He walks towards Renjun and flicks the bracelet on his wrist with a scoff before heading towards the door. “I have to get to work. I left some food in the fridge. Make sure you clean up after yourself.” Winwin says before he leaves, the thin walls shaking a bit as the front door shuts loudly behind him.

Renjun continues to clench his fists and bites his lips, unable to stop his thick tears from flowing down his red face.

 

_________

 

Renjun quickly bolts up from his seat once the teacher leaves the room for break time. Renjun immediately makes his way to the other side of the room near the windows to where Jaemin is. The caramel color haired boy is already standing up from his seat, eyes already on an eager Renjun.

“You aren’t wearing the bracelet…” Jaemin notices straightaway, eyes instantly glued onto Renjun’s uncomfortably bare wrist.

“Jaemin, listen, there's something I really need to tell you.” Renjun impatiently lets out.

Jaemin grabs Renjun’s wrist with a frown. He starts to slowly circles Renjun’s empty wrist with his thumb, attention fully on the wrist and away from the restless boy in front of him.

“Jaemin, are you listening?” Renjun snaps.

“Mm...Yeah, sorry, I'm listening. What is it? What do you need to tell me?”

“I wanted to-” Renjun tries to finally start.

“Yah! Na Jaemin! Teacher called you for bathroom cleaning duty again. Said if you didn't come right now he'd give you extra work this week.” A student yells across the homeroom from the door.

“Ah, okay.” Jaemin says loudly back to the tall classmate at the doorway.

Renjun sharply turns around to give a death glare at the student, but he’s already out of sight by the time his eyes reach the doorway.

“I'm sorry, Injun-ah. I have to go or teacher will literally give me extra work until I can’t go home. Can you tell me later at lunch?” Jaemin persuades the smaller boy with an apologetic look.

Renjun softly sighs. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. You should go.” Renjun defeatedly says as he nods towards the door.

Jaemin smiles and gives Renjun a squeeze to his hand before heading his way out. “Lunch! Tell me at lunch! Okay?” Jaemin says to Renjun as he’s dashing out of the room backwards.

Renjun gives Jaemin a small smile and nods his head before returning to his seat with a long sigh.

“What did you need to tell him?” Haechan pries curiously, hands under his chin while fluttering his lashes in interest.

“Oh...it’s uh...about that...I’ve been meaning to tell you too. Are you free sometime this week?”

“Ah...I’m not. Sorry...one of our workers quit all of the sudden so I have to help my parent’s out at the restaurant after school until closing hours.” Haechan sighs out.

Renjun scrunches his eyebrows together at Haechan’s response. “I can meet you at your restaurant.”

“Oh what, really? Are you sure? Is it that important?” Haechan asks with a surprised look.

“Yeah.” Renjun says right away.

“O-okay, yeah. Just text me whenever you’re free. I’ll be there.”

Renjun hums in response and gives Haechan a warm smile. Haechan smiles back and takes out a familiar sausage from his bag and hand its to Renjun carefully.

Renjun laughs, breaking the unusual weird mood between the two in the air, and takes it with two hands politely. “What will I do without you and your limitless stash of your delicious special sausages, Haechan?”

 

_________

 

Renjun dashes down the stairs into the bustling crowded cafeteria. The small squished boy tries to get through the hungry wave of students near the front cafeteria entrance. Renjun grumbles and pushes the students wondering why out of all days the cafeteria was so full. Renjun perks his head up when he catches in the corner of his eyes the caramel top of hair. Renjun quickly makes his way towards Jaemin who was already in line. Renjun sighs out once he’s in front of the taller boy.

“You okay?” Jaemin asks as he pats a breathless Renjun on his back.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Renjun says while taking a deep breath from the hectic run to the cafeteria. “I just…” Renjun breathes out. “ _Really_ needed to talk to you.”

“Is something wrong?” Jaemin worriedly asks, noticing the unusually serious tone in Renjun’s voice.

Renjun’s too busy trying to word what he wants to say to Jaemin to notice what’s going on in the other end of the cafeteria. 

 

“Where's Huang Renjun? Where's Huang Renjun? Have you seen him? Huh? Have you?”

The students scutter away as the loud disturbed girl goes around each table, harshly shoving the shoulders of stunned students back to get a look at their face.

“Yah, have you seen Huang Renjun?” The girl frantically asks, a craze in her eyes that can’t seem to be described. “Have you?” She asks another student in a frenzied voice. The students in her way make room towards the edge in fear.

“Fuck. Where the fuck is Huang Renjun!” The girl yells while kicking an empty chair. A student near the crazed girl hesitantly brings up their finger to point towards the other end of the cafeteria near the lunch line. The girl’s eyes follow the finger as the corner of her mouth twitches up when she spots the small boy turned around. The disheveled girl starts to make her way quickly towards the unaware boy, pushing anyone in her way.

"Huang Renjun!"

Renjun turns around slowly to a booming familiar voice he notices he hasn’t heard in awhile.

It’s no other than Lee Minjee, Renjun’s blonde petite bully. Renjun realizes he hadn’t seen her at school ever since the incident at the back courtyard with Jaemin. Jaemin’s sharp words still ring loudly in his ears.

_If I were you I'd be too embarrassed to even come out to school._

She looked different. Was it her hair? Was it the way her hair was chopped in all the wrong places, butchered in uneven lengths? Was it the nasty purple bruise she had under her left eye? Or was it the way her head was slightly tilted, making her seem way more off than she normally seemed in the past? Or was it the look she had in her eyes? Renjun couldn’t quite place his finger on it.

The blonde petite girl starts to make her way towards him. Renjun notices that she’s clutching something in her right hand. The girl starts to walk closer and closer towards him. For some reason Renjun couldn’t quite calculate it. For some reason Renjun couldn’t quite puzzle it out soon enough. For some reason Renjun just shuts his eyes.  
  
Renjun opens his eyes a second later to see Jaemin's back in front of him. All Renjun can see is the dark blue color of Jaemin's uniform.

Renjun hears something clank on the floor as the cafeteria all simultaneously gasp in unison. He can hear a couple of piercing screams from the side and the back of the cafeteria.

The petite blonde girl drops to floor and starts to hysterically cry.

Jaemin turns around to face Renjun.

Renjun, completely still and frozen in place, doesn't say anything and just stares at Jaemin. At first he doesn't notice anything. He doesn’t notice any difference. He doesn't notice it.

Suddenly, trails of blood start to drip down the left side of Jaemin’s face, onto his uniform, and then onto the cafeteria floor.

"Jaemin-ah..." Renjun trembles out, too shocked to do or say anything else.

Jaemin brings up his left hand and touches the side of his face. He brings his hand in front of him to look at it.

All he sees is red.

 

_________

 

It seems as if the whole entire school is out in the front entrance field as a silent Jaemin is carried into the ambulance to the hospital on a gurney. The students are roaring in discussion over the matter that had just taken place in the cafeteria as they gossip and chatter amongst themselves. There are crowds of girls around Renjun, crying alongside him and Haechan. Some girls are hugging each other, while others continue to whisper amongst themselves.

“ _What do we do?”_ A girl sobs out. “ _Na Jaemin!_ ”

“ _I can’t believe that just happened..._ ” Another student whispers.

“ _His perfect face!_ ” A girl cries out.

“ _I heard he was scouted by a modeling agency. Too bad_.” A student says from the back.

“ _No more flower boy Na Jaemin..._ ” Another students sobs out.

Renjun continues to cry in Haechan’s arms as the ambulance drives away. Jaemin’s fangirls disperse one by one until only Renjun and Haechan are left.

“D-don’t cry, R-Renjun!” Haechan sobs out while clutching onto the smaller boy. “H-he’ll be o-okay. So, s-stop c-crying, o-okay?”

Renjun’s thick tears continue to flow down his face as his sobs only continue to grow louder.

 

_________

 

Renjun closes the door quietly behind him. The small boy jumps a bit to see Jeno standing up from one of the visitor hospital seats against the wall.

“Hey...” Jeno softly calls out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Renjun shakes his head and takes a seat next to Jeno.

“How is he?”

“He'll be okay. The doctors say he'll be okay.” Renjun sighs out, reminding himself as he informs Jeno. “They stitched him up, but they said that there will definitely be a big scar…and that it would take a long time to completely heal.” Renjun trembles out.

Jeno sighs out in relief.

“I brought some snacks and drinks for you and Jaemin.” Jeno says as he hands a sack into Renjun’s lap. “Here.”

“Thanks…” Renjun quietly says as he ruffles the plastic bag in his hands.

“I-I can't believe this happened to him…” Jeno whispers out.

Renjun is silent.

“Out of everyone…”

Renjun nods slowly in response.

Renjun had realized that a lot of people were shocked and upset from what had happened. The crowds gathered outside in front of the ambulance proved that. But not because of the scar on his face, but what it turned out to be. He realized no one was really worried for _Jaemin_ , but for the face that was now not the same as before. Everyone had always put Jaemin up on this ungodly pedestal. They always had this image made for him. This perfect unrealistic image. Unrealistic expectations. And now that it was gone, now that it was shattered, so was the illusion that so many students had made for themselves.

Not one person had come to visit Jaemin after the incident. Jeno, being the exception.

They sit in comfortable silence for awhile.

“How are you holding up?” Jeno asks. “It must of been just as shocking for you…”

“I...I heard she was coming after you…”

“I'll be fine. It's just...yeah. It was scary. I don't know why, but I couldn't move. I couldn't process everything fast enough. I feel like...I could've done something to prevent this. I feel like this was all my fault.” Renjun admits. “It _is_ my fault.”

“No, Renjun. Don’t say that. It's not your fault. Don't blame this on yourself.” Jeno quickly reassures the shaken smaller boy.

“I'm just glad you're both okay.”

“Yeah...me too. Thanks Jeno.” Renjun breathes out while giving Jeno a small smile.

The two sit in silence once more, the hospital bustling with patients and doctors, until Jeno breaks the quiet air.

“So…you and Jaemin.”

Renjun bursts out in a small laugh and Jeno joins him.

“Has it always been Jaemin?” Jeno asks as their laugh dies down.

“Yeah…” Renjun admits while nodding his head, unable to meet the boy beside him in the eyes for some reason. “Jeno...I'm-”

“I’m really sorry about...” Renjun apologetically starts to say.

“What? No. Don't apologize, Renjun. What are you sorry for? I should be the one apologizing. I really had no idea. Back then when...” Jeno quickly interjects.

“No, Jeno. It's really not your fault. How could you have known? It's my fault. I should have been more careful. I’m sorry if I mislead you...I should have been clear from the start...”

Jeno shakes his head. “You know I sort of kind of saw it coming...you and Jaemin.”

“But I kept telling myself that I still might’ve had a chance. That I was just imagining things. That was my mistake.” Jeno laughs out.

“Jeno...”

“Don't worry about it, Renjun. It was just a small crush. You and Jaemin make a great pair. Really."

"I know Jaemin and I might have our differences, but Jaemin’s a really good guy.” Jeno says, voice a little strained.

"You know, I use to be so jealous of him when we were kids." Jeno chuckles out at his faint memory. "He was so confident in everything he did. It was like he was fearless. He wasn't afraid of what other people thought. What people said. It was really cool...he would always stick up for what he believed. Stick up for what he loved. He would stick up for me every time someone remotely said something bad towards me too...I really envied him...I still do."

"He always went after for what he wanted. And knowing him...I know you probably mean a lot to him."

“Take care of him for me, would you?”

Renjun looks softly at Jeno and nods his head, eyes beginning to water a bit, and leans his head against Jeno’s shoulder. “Thanks, Jeno.”

The two sit there in comfortable silence. Jeno shyly speaks up, “Can we still be friends?”

Renjun hesitates and lets out a small sigh before turning to Jeno and smiling a smile that doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. “I would love that.”

Jeno gives Renjun a smile before standing up from his seat.

“Well I should get going now.”

Renjun stands up right away after him. The two say their goodbyes. As Jeno is walking towards the elevators, Renjun abruptly calls out to him.

“Wait, Jeno!”

Jeno quickly turns around and stops in his spot.

Renjun runs up to him and engulfs him in a huge bone crushing hug. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Y-yeah alright, you too...” Jeno faintly says, a bit confused by the smaller boy’s sudden outburst.

 

_________

 

Renjun opens the door quietly and returns into Jaemin’s hospital room. He walks towards the counter beside his bed and moves the vase full of sunflower’s a bit the left, closer to the window. Renjun sits on the chair beside Jaemin’s bed and looks at the sleeping boy. He winces at the bloodied big patch of gauze taped on the left side of Jaemin’s still small face. Renjun crawls on the bed and makes room to squeeze beside him.

Jaemin blinks awake from the shuffling beside him.

“Injun?” Jaemin calls out with a hoarse husky voice.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Renjun softly asks as he brushes Jaemin’s hair out of his eyes.

Jaemin shakes his head lightly. Renjun stares at Jaemin with apologetic eyes, his eyes instantly filled and fresh with newly formed tears.

“Don’t cry, Injun-ah…” Jaemin whispers out weakly as he wipes Renjun’s falling tears from his cheeks.

“This shouldn't have happened to you.” Renjun trembles out.

“It wasn't your fault…” Jaemin reassures while taking Renjun’s hand.

Renjun gently caresses the side of Jaemin’s face, avoiding any real touch with his delicate skin.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“Nothing I haven't dealt with before…” Jaemin smiles. “Don't worry, I'll be fine.”

Renjun bites his lips, eyes unable to move away from the wound on Jaemin’s face.

“Here give me a kiss to make it better.” Jaemin says, trying to move the smaller boy’s attention away from his noticeable red injury.

Renjun gives a small smile before placing the gentlest kiss on Jaemin’s puckered lips.

“All better...” Jaemin mumbles, eyes already blinking back to sleep.

Renjun watches Jaemin fall asleep in a matter of seconds. Renjun tries to memorize every single one of the sleeping boy's features, as if his life depended on it. He looked like a child, sleeping soundly like this. Sometimes, Renjun forgets that's what they are. Children. He wishes he could protect him. He wishes he could just stay like this, away from the world, away from everything outside of this room. Renjun’s tears won’t stop falling. The small boy eventually closes his eyes too, unable to stop himself from drifting off to sleep despite the continuous sound of the beeping monitors around him.

 

_________

 

Renjun blinks his eyes open awake and rubs away his dried tears from the corner of his eyes. Jaemin is still sound asleep beside him. Renjun crawls out of the bed as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the snoring boy. He sits down on the chair and just stares at Jaemin. Renjun wonders to himself if it’s humanly possible to cry this much. He hastily wipes the falling tears from his cheeks. The tears keep falling and he curses himself for making so much sound. Renjun attempts to keep his sniffles in as he clutches onto his knees. He instantly covers his mouth when a sob comes out. The small boy tries his best in trying to contain his emotions, doing everything he can to not wake the peaceful boy lost in his dreams.

Renjun stands with trembling legs and walks towards Jaemin’s bed. The sniffling boy takes out a small crumpled up note from his back pocket. He unfolds it and traces the words messily scribbled on the paper before folding it back up and placing it carefully beside the vase of sunflowers on the counter.

Renjun takes one last look at Jaemin.

Jaemin was the very first good thing to ever come into Renjun’s meaningless life. He was the first person that made him _feel_ something. Feel something he’d never felt before in his small insignificant life. He was the reason why he began to smile every day, despite how hard his instincts wanted him not to. He was the reason why he had a hard time breathing. The reason why it was hard to sleep. Because all he could think about was _him_. He was the reason why he started to look forward to waking up one morning. And all the days after that too. The reason why his heart pounded. The reason why his heart hurt. The reason why he felt loved. The reason he loved.

Jaemin was Renjun’s everything. _Is_ his everything.

Renjun’s heart feels heavy. And all he feels when he looks at the sleeping boy is a sharp pain to his chest. He wants to wake him up. He wants to desperately wake him up and take him to a place far from here. Somewhere far away where it's just the two of them. 

There were so many things he wanted to say. So many unspoken words that needed to be spoken. So many swallowed words he wanted to scream out. So many things he wanted to tell him. So many words hidden deep down in his heart.

But all that comes out are two whispered words before he leaves.

_“I'm sorry...”_

 

_________

 

Jaemin dashes into the homeroom, almost tripping over his own untied shoelace as he finally reaches Haechan’s desk with a loud thud. The disheveled looking boy frantically looks towards Renjun’s empty seat before giving his attention back to a stunned Haechan.

“Yah, Haechan-ah, where is Injun?” Jaemin breathlessly asks.

“Jaemin...what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be resting at the hospital?” Haechan stutters out, taking in the frantic boy’s appearance. Jaemin is wearing a crumpled up training jacket and some sweatpants. His hair is sticking all over the place and his face looks pale, like he hadn’t slept in days. Haechan's eyes move towards the left side of Jaemin’s face unconsciously, unable to ignore the big patch of white stuck against his face.

“I’m fine. That’s not important right now. Have you seen him?” Jaemin hurriedly asks again, evidently on edge.

Haechan knits his eyebrows in confusion, “N-no, why? Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” Jaemin frustratedly sighs out.

“You don’t know where he is?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know!” Jaemin shouts out loudly. “That’s why I’m asking you!”  

The entire classroom falls into silence, wide eyes all looking towards the two tense boys in the front row.

Haechan concernedly looks down at his fiddling fingers before looking hesitantly back up towards Jaemin.

“He visited me at the hospital just two days ago when I was admitted there. He hasn’t picked up any of my texts or calls since.” Jaemin sharply breathes out.

Haechan quickly takes out his phone and dials a number into his phone, hands shaking. “He won’t pick up. Jaemin, why won’t he pick up.” Haechan worriedly says in a panicked voice.

“Dammit!” Jaemin yells, slamming the empty table with both of his fists.

The two boys breathe in complete silence before Haechan speaks out in a quiet voice, slightly trembling.

“J-Jaemin...he came to my restaurant at night when I was working. On the day you got hurt. I don’t know...he wouldn’t stop crying. He told me that he was thankful for me and kept hugging me until he just suddenly left. I don’t know...I didn’t think much of it...I thought he was just crying because you got hurt. He didn't come out to school yesterday either...”

“Jaemin, I’m worried.” Haechan quietly trembles out, tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes.

Jaemin runs out of the classroom without a word and dashes down the stairs out of the school and out the entrance. Jaemin sprints to their apartment building. Once he gets to the building, he breathlessly runs up the stairs to the familiar second floor. Jaemin bangs the door for what seems like a million times, shouting out Renjun’s name. No answer.

Jaemin heaves, trying to desperately get some air in his lungs, before slamming the door one last time before running back down the stairs like a madman.

As he’s turning the corner of the stairs he catches in the corner of his eyes a familiar back.

“Ahjussi!” Jaemin frantically calls out, still out of breath. “Ahjussi!”

The man leaving the door turns around to a breathless and sweaty patched up boy.

“Jaemin-ah, what are you doing here and not at school?” The man concernedly says. “And what happened to your face, son?”

“Ahjussi, have you seen the small boy who lives on the second floor lately?”

“Ah, the two Chinese brothers?”

“Yes! Have you seen them?” Jaemin earnestly asks.

“Ah...that is...the older one told me this past weekend that they were moving out. Moving back to China, apparently. Jilin, was it? Jalin? Ah, I’m not too sure. It was in Chinese, and this old man doesn’t know much of that.” The man chuckles out.

Jaemin’s face quickly distorts into something indescribable.

“I stopped by yesterday to pick up their last payment. They should be gone by now, son.” Is all the man says before he says his goodbye to a silent and speechless Jaemin. 

Jaemin stands there for what seems like over an hour before he forces himself to move his legs. Jaemin takes his time going up the stairs, each step feeling like a sharp cut to his chest. Did it hurt this much when the girl had cut his face? He couldn’t tell.

Jaemin softly opens the door of the rooftop.

He walks towards the edge of the rooftop and breathes in the air. Jaemin let’s out a pained scream and crumbles to the floor. His vision is blurred from all the tears in his eyes. The sobbing boy clutches tightly onto his hair, gripping hard, but unable to feel any pain. Jaemin sits there, trying his best to remind himself to breathe. Unable to handle the suffocating feeling in his chest, he takes out the ignored cigarette box from his back pocket. He smokes for the first time in awhile. He knew Renjun hated smoking. He had tried to quit smoking after Renjun had told him his distaste for his nasty old habit. Jaemin let’s out a large puff of grey smoke before grabbing something out of his pocket.

Jaemin unfolds the small crumpled piece of paper and flattens it out the best he can. He reads the messy scribbled words over and over and over again. The air on the rooftop is suddenly filled only with the laugh of the delirious boy. Jaemin clutches onto the small piece of paper with everything he has tightly in his palm.

 

_Thank you for being my sunflower._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fun fact: wanted to point out that the scene where jaem saved renjun at the courtyard from before and the scene where the psycho cuts jaem’s face in the cafeteria are both heavily inspired by two specific scenes from the korean movie, “sunny”


	10. end

 

 _Will I be able to smile without you?_  
_Just thinking about it makes me cry_  
_The person who protected me throughout my hard times_  
_Now I will protect you_

_Your embrace was always warm_  
_It was my only resting place at the end of my long days_

_You alone are enough for me_  
_Because there’s no need for words, I know by your eyes_  
_Flowers bloom and wither_  
_Every day, every moment, let’s be together_

 

 

4 years later

_________

 

Jaemin quickly unfolds the paper in his hands and rereads the words messily scribbled on the paper. He annoyingly grimaces at the barely readable address written in small letters. After what seems like hours, he finally arrives at the destination he’s been searching for all morning. Jaemin quietly opens the glass doors and walks into the open sunlit room. He looks around a bit, trying to find a familiar face amongst many. Jaemin almost misses it, but stands still in front of the glass cubicle once he’s found it. Jaemin lets out a small sigh. He straightens out the black suit he’s wearing before kneeling down to the floor to take a bow, forehead touching the cold floor. Jaemin stands back up while wiping the falling tears from his face. He opens up the glass cubicle and places a small bouquet of flowers next to the small picture of his late aunt.

Jaemin never had a good relationship with his aunt. She never wanted to raise children. Never wanted to be a part of his life. Never wanted to care. But Jaemin cared. He cared for his aunt. And he knew despite everything, she cared too. He wishes he could’ve seen her just one last time before she left this world. Jaemin wondered why all the people he loved in the world left so often. Left so soon. Left before he could even have a last word with them. A last goodbye. It was unfair.

Jaemin quietly stands there. Unmoving and silent. He takes one last look at the picture before bowing to say his final goodbye.

Jaemin gets off the bus and let’s out a deep breath into the air. He smiles to himself as he slowly walks the familiar streets. The streets seemed to be bustling with much more people than it did in the past. He chuckles out lightly as kids run past him. Jaemin tries to dodge all of them, but one of the kids slightly runs into him.

“Sorry, ahjussi!” the little boy shouts as he shoves past Jaemin, quickly catching up to his friends.

“Do I really look like an ahjussi now?” Jaemin confusedly asks himself while tilting his head. Jaemin lets out another sigh. _Maybe it was the suit,_ he reassures himself.

He missed this. He missed these streets. The air. The dusty cracked sidewalks. The smell of spicy rice cakes being cooked somewhere in some nearby corner. The loud noise of the cars and the buses. The crazy kids running around the streets. He missed this.

Jaemin arrives in front of his old apartment building in a matter of minutes. He looks up at the crumbly old building and chuckles out fondly with both of his hands in his pockets.

“Same old, same old…” Jaemin whispers out as he enters the building.

Jaemin quickly goes up the flight of stairs and in no time he’s behind the door he’d opened so many times during his years here. For some reason Jaemin feels nervous. He hadn’t been up here in so long. Had the place changed over the years? How many more memories were made on this rooftop? Would he still feel all the things he felt when he went outside this door, like he did back then? Would his heart still hurt, like it had back then?

Jaemin shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and opens the door.

Jaemin takes in the view before him. Jaemin frantically looks around the rooftop, spinning in a full circle to get every single detail he can in. Jaemin’s eyebrows begin to scrunch together and has a hard time letting out his breath.

The rooftop is covered in flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. But what catches his attention the most were the yellow flowers that flooded most of the rooftop. The yellow flowers he’s loved so much since he was a child. The yellow flowers that meant more to him than people would think. The yellow flowers that gave him meaning. His yellow flowers. His sunflowers.

Jaemin runs out the rooftop and down the stairs to the second floor. He knocks loudly several times, calling out a name that felt strangely foreign on his tongue. He knocks again when suddenly the door opens. Jaemin sharply breathes in, but quickly lets it out when an old middle aged lady opens the door with a bothered look on her face.

Apologetically, Jaemin gives a small bow to the lady. “I’m sorry. But I was wondering if two Chinese brothers lives here.” Jaemin frantically asks. The lady shakes her head no.

“I don’t know about any Chinese brothers living here, but there is that nice young man who lives on the third floor.” She says pointing towards the third floor. Jaemin thanks the lady and flies himself to the third floor. He curses under his breath when there’s no answer behind this door either.

Out of breath, Jaemin runs out of the apartment building and into the streets. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting to find out here. He doesn’t know what he’ll find or who he’ll find, but he continues to run down the streets, not wanting to give up. Never giving up.

Jaemin clutches his knees and bends down to catch his breath. He feels as if he’d been running up and down the streets of his old neighborhood for what seems like hours now. Jaemin wipes the sweat from his forehead and straightens his back out to stretch it.

_What am I doing?_

Jaemin quietly laughs like a maniac to himself. The sun is already beginning to set. Jaemin tries to steady his uneven breaths. Jaemin thinks he’s going crazy. Maybe he already has.

_There’s no way…_

Jaemin lets out a frustrated sigh and decides to walk back to the apartment building, hoping that if he waits there, that just possibly...that just maybe.

_Maybe…_

Jaemin continues to walk down the street looking like a mess. He’s thinking to himself, lost in his hopeless thoughts, when all of the sudden he hears someone yelling his name from behind him. Jaemin whips his head and the rest of his body to the voice he's only been hearing in his dreams for the past four years.

 

“YAH!”

“NA JAEMIN!”

 

_________

 

Renjun snips away the rest of the leaves in the vase before placing his scissors down. Renjun sighs in relief as closing hours are finally approaching. Tired from the hectic day and overworked weekend, Renjun walks towards the front of the shop to sit at the white bench next the door. He looks out the glass while leaning his head on the edge of the bench.

Renjun rests his eyes shut for a second before opening them back up. The florist whips his head up from the bench and shuffles closer to the glass window.

He doesn’t believe it. He can’t believe.

Renjun rubs his eyes. Then rubs them again. Then once more, for good measure. Renjun’s eyes follow the man in the black suit walking past the flower shop. He’s gone from his eyesight in a matter of seconds.  

Sitting in absolute silence, mouth wide open, eyebrows scrunched from the million of thoughts in his head, Renjun is brought back to life when his coworker calls out his name in worry from the back of the shop. Without a word, without a second to spare, without much thought, he runs out of the shop and dashes to the stranger in black.

Renjun yells out the name he had been calling out to the wind every night with all his might.

“YAH!”

“NA JAEMIN!”

The man in the black suit turns around and Renjun begins to approach him one small step at a time, worried that if he approached him any quicker the man would run away.

The closer he gets, the faster he begins to believe it. The closer he gets, the harder it gets to breathe.

“Yah...Na Jaemin...” Renjun trembles out, slightly out of breath. “You bastard."

Every step he takes is like a step into a dream and a step away from reality. His feet feel heavy.

The man in the black suit is stuck in the same spot, unmoving and silent.

Renjun starts to punch his chest, making sure if the boy from his dreams in front of him was real. He continuously punches his chest as tears begin to fall down his face. Renjun shoves his chest a little harsher than he means to, “You bastard!”

“Do you,” Hiccup. “Know how long I’ve been,” Hiccup. “Looking for you?” Renjun blubbers out, voice breaking. 

Renjun can’t seem to stop his tears from falling. He stops trying. He knows it’s pointless. Millions of thousands of questions begin to flood Renjun’s head, but the only thing that comes out of his mouth are sobs.

_Are are happy? Are you healthy? When did you grow so much? Why did you move away? Where did you go? Why didn't you finish high school like you said you would? Do you know how hard it was for me trying to look everywhere for you? Do you know how many times I almost gave up? Do you know how many times I thought I'd never see you again? Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking of you?_

_Do you know how much I love you? Are you still the same you? It’s okay if you aren’t. I think I’ll love you still the same._

“It's okay, it's okay.” Jaemin hushes, gripping Renjun’s wrists and pulling him into his arms. Renjun continues to sob into Jaemin’s neck, clutching onto him like his life depended on it. Jaemin continues to hush the smaller boy’s cries, familiarity hitting him unknowingly.

“I'm sorry. I’m sorry.” Jaemin whispers.

  
  
_________

 

Renjun and Jaemin return up to the old building and up to the rooftop they had visited together all those times in the past, for old times' sake. The two stand together in silence after Renjun finally calms down from all the tears, now that there were no more tears left in his body to possibly cry out. Jaemin can’t take his eyes off of the smaller boy, still in disbelief and complete shock. He looks at Renjun from head to toe, breathing in every single little detail. He looked completely different, but exactly all the same.

Renjun was in an apron, with pollen and dirt all over his apron and parts of his clothes. A mini fake sunflower was placed in the pocket of the apron and he noticed the apron had small sunflower patterns on the edge of it too. His hair was now dyed an ashy blonde, which just made him look even more impossibly prettier than he already was. And the color seemed to make his skin glow even more that it already did, if that was even possible. Jaemin chuckles to himself at the bright red faced boy. Renjun looked like a giant sunflower.

“You dyed your hair…” Jaemin says as he sweeps Renjun’s hair out of his eyes.

“Yeah, I thought if my hair was a more catchy color it would get you to notice me easier.” Renjun sniffles out while laughing at the wild idea.

Jaemin laughs along with him, his laughter contagious as always. “It suits you.”

“You dyed your hair too…” Renjun notices.

“Black was always my natural hair color...I just grew it out.”

“I like the caramel color better.” Renjun admits while grimacing up at his extremely black head of hair, already missing the caramel colored locks from the past. "The black makes you look too pale."

Jaemin ruffles his own hair while trying looking up at his locks. “I guess I’ll just have to dye it back then.”

Renjun smiles and chuckles quietly out at Jaemin’s quick response. His laugh begins to dissipate when Jaemin grabs his wrist.

Jaemin abruptly reaches out, startling the smaller, and takes Renjun's thin wrist into his hand. 

"Y-you held onto this? After all this time?" Jaemin stutters out, eyes unable to leave the shiny as new rose gold bracelet wrapped snug against Renjun's thin wrist.

"Of course, Jaemin-ah. This was probably the only thing that got me through the worst nights, to be completely honest..." Renjun laughs out, thankful for the bracelet he never took off. His reminder that Jaemin would always be with him, no matter what, and no matter where. He smiles down at the bracelet. Renjun looks back up at Jaemin and breathes out a heavy sigh.

“Jaemin, I…” Renjun begins.

“I was suppose to move back to China. Move back to my hometown. I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you that I had to go, that I had to leave. But then you got hurt. And...and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bare to tell you.” Renjun says as Jaemin listens in silence.

“A couple days after you had gotten hurt...I was suppose to ride my flight. I was going to. I was about to...but I came back. I came back for you, Jaemin.” Renjun trembles out, eyes meeting Jaemin’s.

“I came back. I came back for you. But you weren’t here.” Renjun sharply breathes out, almost angrily. “I looked _everywhere_ for you.” Renjun squeaks out, eyes watery from the painful memories.

“I didn't leave you, Jaemin. I couldn’t leave you. I could never leave you.” Renjun tenderly says.

“Jaemin, why did you leave?”

“Where did you go?”

Jaemin stands there completely speechless. He stands there in complete silence before bursting out in laughter, disrupting the serious atmosphere on the rooftop.

Renjun looks at the laughing boy in complete confusion, puzzled at his response. Renjun’s starting to get annoyed and is about to say something when Jaemin straightens out his posture and stops his strange laughing fit.

“I can’t believe this.” Jaemin chuckles out.

“Renjun. I left here looking for you. I told myself I’d never come back here unless it was with you. There was nothing left for me here.”

“I ran into the building owner ahjussi. He told me you were moving back to Jilin."

"Renjun, I took a plane to China the next day to find you.” Jaemin let’s out another loud laugh into the crisp air. “I think I went to every single high school that ever existed in that huge ass city.”

“But it was hopeless. I couldn’t find you anywhere. I became a curator at a small art gallery in the city, hoping that maybe one day you'd stop by.”

Renjun looks at Jaemin in silence before bursting out in laughter. They both laugh together in disbelief.

“God, I really can't believe this...” Jaemin sighs out, running his fingers through his hair.

“Me either.” Renjun finally says. Everything felt like a dream. He couldn’t believe this was real. He looks up at the boy, now man, in front of him. He was so close to him. He wanted to reach out to him to remind himself this was all happening. There were still so many things he wanted to tell Jaemin. So many things he needed to say. Where should he even start? Renjun takes a deep breath. He knew he had time. And this time he knew he wouldn’t ever run away again.

“I-I finished high school. I actually finished it.” Renjun chuckles out at his wild accomplishment. “I graduated. And then I got a job at the flower shop down the street. And Haechan gave me a part time job at his family’s restaurant and I...and I worked my ass off.” Renjun breathes out, remembering all those tiring months he had worked so hard to save up money.

“They were gonna sell this building last year. They were about to sell it. But I knew I couldn't let them. So I bought it with every last penny of my savings. And _a lot_ of loans. Haechan, Jeno, and the others even helped me out to make it work in the end.” Renjun blurts out quickly.

Renjun thinks back to the first couple of months without Jaemin. It was so hard for the small boy. He was so alone. So broken. Helpless. Hopeless. Lost. He didn’t know what to do. Where to turn. He remembers just sitting alone at home for a week straight after days and days of searching for Jaemin. If it weren’t for the five boys, if it weren’t for Haechan, Jeno, Chenle, Jisung, and even Mark, if it weren’t for those boys, he wonders where he would be right now. They helped him through so much. He would’ve been so much more lost, so much more hurt without those five friends. If there was one good thing that came out of this, it was them. He gained five lifelong friends that meant the world to him.

“They helped me get this place.” Renjun smiles.

“Renjun…” Jaemin calls out softly.

“No, I know it's crazy. I know it’s crazy.” Renjun says, raising his voice a little, while shaking his head. “But I couldn't help myself. This was the only place left that I had of you.”

“I was going crazy, Jaemin.”

Jaemin closes his mouth. If he wasn’t such a fool and just came back once. Just one time.

“There wasn't a single day I didn't think about you.” Renjun lets Jaemin know. “You remember that time I asked you why you saved me that one day?”

Jaemin recollects the memory of the very first time he had seen Renjun, saving him from an unfortunate event on this rooftop. He thinks back to the night at this very rooftop and the conversation they had when Renjun had found out he was the one that saved him.

“Of course.” Jaemin softly answers.

“Well you said something along the lines of how sometimes you just had to find your own reasons to keep living, no matter how small they may be. Jaemin...you were my reason, you _are_ my reason, and you'll forever be my reason and I-” Renjun is cut off by a pair of lips. A pair of familiar lips he’s missed so very much. Renjun instinctively wraps his arms around the taller’s neck, trying to bring him as close as he can, trying to feel as much as he can, still scared out of his mind that he would wake up any second now from this long dream. Jaemin pulls Renjun closer to him by the waist, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Despite the desperation in their mind and hearts, the kisses they share are as tender as the words whispered in between each breath. 

“Don’t ever leave me again.” Renjun shakingly breathes out.

“I could never.” Jaemin promises.

 

“You know, I’ve never been good at expressing how I feel…” Renjun admits.

Jaemin snorts, “Yeah, you got that right."

“Hey!” Renjun softly punches Jaemin’s shoulder while chuckling at his response. “I’m not that good expressing how I feel. But, I got better...after you disappeared. I thought...all those times...all those _stupid_ times I could have just told you how I felt. How I _really_ felt. About everything. About you. Then I wouldn't have regretted it. Like I did these past four years. Like I do right now.”

“Na Jaemin. I loved you from the very start. And I’m sorry, Jaemin. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you that sooner.” Renjun quivers out, trying his best to sound firm and steady, but failing miserably.

_I’m sorry for everything._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for saying it so late. I’m sorry-”

Jaemin pulls Renjun into his arms. Renjun quietly cries into his shoulder as he wraps his arms around the taller.

“You’re an idiot Huang Injun.”

“I know.”

Jaemin wipes the tears from under Renjun’s eyes. “And I'll always love you.”

“I know.”

Jaemin takes out his wallet a bit abruptly. He takes out a crumpled old withering piece of small paper out of one of the pockets.

“You know, I kept this with me for four years. Hoping that maybe one day it would lead me back to you.”

Renjun squints his eyes and scrunches his eyebrows as he takes the small piece of paper into his hands. Renjun slowly opens up the note and runs his thumb against the faint messily scribbled words.

 

_Thank you for being my sunflower._

 

 _“_ I’m glad it worked.” Jaemin thanked the heavens.

Renjun immediately tears up again and engulfs Jaemin in a bone crushing hug. The two stay like that for a while. In each other’s arms. Hearts beating against each other. Jaemin kisses the top of Renjun's yellow head. Renjun pulls back. The two just stare at each other. Renjun reaches out his hand and gently caresses the side of Jaemin’s left face. He looks at the face he left behind and at the scar that was left behind on his face. All the memories they shared during their time together back in high school comes flooding back. So much time had past. Jaemin’s face looked harder than before. More worn out than before. He wonders what the boy in front of him had gone through these past four years without him. He's thankful he has the time now to ask. Time has never been on Renjun's side, but he suddenly thinks that it was slowly warming up to him.

Renjun breathes out. It’s the first time in a really _really_ long time where he feels like he’s breathing with absolutely no worries. No worries about his future, about his past, about the present. 

Despite everything, he feels so happy, just being here. Finally beside _him_. Finally beside the person he’d been searching for all this time. Renjun hasn't felt this light in a long _long_ time.

The two continue to stare at each other in silence.

No words in between. No more words needed to be said. Somehow they both knew. Somehow they both always knew. They didn’t need to say anything to know. They never needed to say anything to know.

Renjun laughs. A genuine laugh. Renjun remembers back to the very first time he was on this very rooftop four years ago. So much had changed. Once a boy who didn’t believe in falling in love. Once a boy who didn’t believe in finding true friends. Now he was here beside the love of his life. Now he was here with five lifelong friends he wouldn’t trade anything in the world for. He can't believe how far he's come. How far they've both come. Renjun smiles. He feels as if maybe...maybe his thorn was finally gone.

  
 _________

  

 _They were shining like the sun_  
_Your eyes when you looked at me_  
_I was so happy I thought it was a dream_  
_Each moment was so dazzling_

_In my anxious and suffering life_  
_You came to me like a ray of light and made me smile_

_The future is unknown_  
_But each moment of being in your arms_  
_I wish it would last forever_

_I’ll go to you when the breeze feels nice_  
_I’ll go to you on sunny days_  
_Just like the day you first came to me_  
_Every day, every moment, let’s be together_

 

 

2 years later

_________

 

Jaemin steps back and puts his hands against his hips. He starts to smile before grabbing Renjun’s arm and pulling him next to him. Now he can fully smile.

Renjun rolls his eyes and shoves the caramel color haired boy against him. He lets out a long sigh of relief and smiles too.

The two look at the building in front of them with fond eyes of a proud parent.

“You know, I would have never expected in my twenty-three years of life that this shabby old apartment would turn into something like this.” Jaemin says in astonishment as he takes in the building from top to bottom.

Two years ago after Renjun and Jaemin had finally reunited, Jaemin had quickly moved back to his little small hometown back in Korea beside Renjun. The two shared their space together in the small third floor apartment happily together. It wasn’t until a month later when Jaemin had received a mysterious letter in the mail that was directed to him.

The date of the letter when it was sent was the day of Jaemin’s eighteenth birthday. Apparently, the letter had gotten lost in the mail and had finally found its way to Jaemin after all this time.

Jaemin had questionably opened the letter. Renjun remembers worriedly asking Jaemin what it was when the silent boy clutching the letter in his hand wouldn’t even blink at the words written on the paper. Renjun remembers shakingly taking the letter out of his hand and reading it for himself when tears began to fall down Jaemin’s face.

Renjun remembers the exact moment when the two had decided to begin their journey in making their dreams into reality.

Thanks to the inheritance Jaemin received from his late parents through the once lost letter, the two were granted a wealth that would allow them to live comfortably for a long long time. And thanks to that inheritance, the two were able to renovate the entire apartment Renjun had bought and were able to pay off their loans.

Renjun lets out a belly filled laugh. “Me either. It’s wild to think both of our dreams lay all in this one single building.”

“Huh?” Jaemin says with a puzzled look, glancing quickly at Renjun before looking back at the new building. “Not mine.”

Renjun questionably stares at Jaemin.

“My dream is right next to me in my arms.” Jaemin smiles out brightly.

Renjun scoffs at his words and laughs. “Wow, Na Jaemin. I really don’t think I’ll ever get use to you and your cheesy lines.”

“Good. Cause they aren’t going anywhere.” Jaemin says while giving a quick smooch on Renjun’s cheek.

  
The two laugh together, eyes beaming up towards the next step in their life. The next step they’d be taking together. It took them both a while to think of a name for the building. They would go back and forth with these wild, strangely unfitting names. Renjun remembers one day he got so frustrated because Jaemin had actually suggested _Injun’s Iron Fist_. Let’s just say Jaemin got a slight taste of Renjun’s _real_ iron fist that day.

The two had eventually come up with a simple name that ended up having a lot of meaning behind it. The two wondered why they hadn’t thought of it earlier.

The first floor of their building consisted of a flower shop that had a small cafe in it, that quickly became popular due to the interesting combination, and maybe because of a certain charismatic caramel color haired server. The second floor consisted of a small art gallery that showcased both Renjun’s art and any small artists that they were willing to help out. All the proceeds from the gallery went to institutions that orphaned children. The third floor consisted of their shared studio they lived in together. And finally, the rooftop was a special place. A small exception. Their own secret garden. A special place just for the two of them.

A lot of their customers asked why it was called Sunflower _Rooftop,_ when there wasn’t even a rooftop to go on, but all Renjun and Jaemin would answer with was a small snicker and let them know it was just a simple name.

Renjun looks up at the building one more time before opening day, unaware of all that would come out of the building that they had spent the past two years creating, unaware of all that would come out of the building that meant so much to them. So much was held in this once old crumbly building of theirs. And so much more was about to come out of it.

“ _Sunflower Rooftop._ ” Renjun whispers out. 

 

_________ 

  

The sun is starting to set and Renjun quickly speeds up the pace. The small boy curses under his breath as the needed sun of his is beginning to already say it's goodbye. One good thing he thinks is the pink hue the setting sun is leaving behind. He always loved when the sky would turn into that hazy dreamlike pink. It suited well against the green walls of the rooftop.

“Stop moving so much.” Renjun whines at Jaemin. Jaemin ignores Renjun and scoots his face closer to the boy across from him.

The two are sitting across from each other on their rooftop after a long busy day down at the shop. Renjun flinches slightly as one of his long plant leaves brush against his face. He whacks the leaf away from his face harshly as he suddenly begins to get frustrated at everything.

“Jaemin! Stop moving! I’m almost done!” Renjun squeaks out, sketching away on his drawing pad.

Jaemin continues to stare at him, eyes boring into his soul. “Injun-ah…”

“Wae?” Renjun answers irritatedly, not even giving a glance up at owner of the tender voice he loves.

“Thank you.”

“Eh? For what?” Renjun questionably asks, attention still down on the drawing pad, hands quickly sketching away the last details on the paper.

“Just...for being beside me.” Jaemin softly says.

Renjun chuckles out at his random comment. “Don’t worry. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” A second later Renjun stands up abruptly from his chair.

Jaemin grabs the retreating boy’s hand faster than the speed of light. “ _Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere_ my ass! Where are you going right now, Huang Injun?” Jaemin whines out.

“Yah, let go. I'm just going to go grab my other pencil from home.” Renjun sharply says.

“Nooo, don't go. Don't leave me!” Jaemin whines again.

Renjun turns around and chuckles out at the whining boy. Renjun squishies Jaemin’s face and pinches his cheeks like he always does. “You're such a big baby, Na Jaemin.”

“I could never leave you.”

Despite his contradictory words, Renjun turns around again to go downstairs.

Jaemin tightens his grasp and doesn't let go. “Ah, don't go~” Jaemin whines again for the millionth time.

“Yah, if you don't let go of me right now Na Jaemin I'm going to be upset.” Renjun warns.

Jaemin defeatedly let’s go. “Fine.” Renjun begins to walk away before Jaemin pulls Renjun back, the smaller boy fumbles, falling into the caramel color haired boy’s lap. “Kiss me first. Then you can go.” 

Renjun rolls his eyes and breathes out an annoyed sigh as he pushes himself off Jaemin. _Baby. A big baby._ Renjun scoffs out a laugh before leaning down to place a soft small kiss on his awaiting puckered lips.

“Happy?”

Jaemin nods no.

Renjun rolls his eyes again and leans down to place another sweet kiss on the chapped lips he’s grown accustomed to.

“What about now?”

Jaemin nods his head no.

Renjun grabs Jaemin’s collar and pulls him up towards his lips, crashing them together. Jaemin was always like this. Never settling for less. He loved the sweet kisses, don’t get him wrong. But there was something Jaemin loved about those kisses where the two couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Where they could only feel each other’s desperation. Like it was the last kiss they’d ever share. _He was so dramatic._ But Jaemin loved to be reminded this. Reminded through their kisses that this was what they were. Each other’s lifelines.

“Na Jaemin. You're going to eventually have to let me go.”  
  
“Ow! Huang Injun, did you just bite my lip?”

Evil laughter is heard from the green rooftop.

“Yah, Huang Injun. Come here right now.”

“Try and catch me!”

“Come here right now.”

“What? What are you gonna do, huh? Huh?”

A high pitched squeal is heard. Then another squeak. Then some familiar laughters. And some more laughter. Then silence. _Probably kissing_.

  
Jaemin use to hate this rooftop. He use to hate how the green walls were cracking, making it seem like the apartment would crumble down any second. He use to hate how he thought of his late parents every time he came up here, feeling a sharp pain in his chest every time. And he use to hate how he had a nasty habit of smoking cigarettes only when he got up here.

But he loved how you could see a new sunset that colored the skies every day before the night came. He loved how he could see thousands of stars on a clear night. And he loved how this was the one and only place he could actually breathe despite everything bad in his life. But most importantly, he loved each and every single one of the memories and moments he shared up here with a certain small boy.

After that certain small boy had come into his life, this rooftop slowly began to mean something different to him.

What once was a rooftop that held his most painful memories, was now a rooftop that held his most happiest ones.

What once was a rooftop that he spent alone, was now a rooftop where he would spend the rest of his life with the one he loved.

 

_________

❊

fin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. there it is. the end. fin. finished. done.  
> honestly i had absolutely no idea that what started out as a small tiny little idea in my head and a rough messy draft on my phone would turn out to become this massive 50k+ monster fic. thank you times a million to everyone who has read this story, continuously commented, and to all those who have left me so many undeserving kudos;; 
> 
> i’m still lacking a bunch as a writer but i just want to say thank you all again for all the love you’ve given me and this story.
> 
> im sad it’s come to an end but i’ll see you guys all real soon with my next renmin au. please look forward to it ><


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